Prudence
I have been happily married for 11 years and am a 34-year-old mother of three. My mother is a narcissist who has ghosted me for a year or so at a time in the past simply due to normal disagreements. Back in 2014 she married a man, “Cott,” from her office. Fitting enough, he, too, is a narcissist. He’s rude and doesn’t communicate with me, my kids, or my husband.
Three years ago, my son turned 1, and my mother’s husband pushed his head down into a cake at a birthday party. This was after I said not to and to just let my son explore the cake in front of him. This also left a few bruises on the back of his neck, making him cry terribly. Instead of apologizing, I was ghosted for two years. These narcissists simply can’t apologize.
Here’s my dilemma. My kids do not have a relationship with Cott, only with my mother. I tell my oldest to call him whatever makes her feel comfortable. Whether she calls him Cott or grandpa is up to her, but as it stands, I call him Cott and see him only as my mother’s husband, nothing more. She insists he has the title of my stepfather and my children’s grandfather. I get it, my entire life my mother has been a single hardworking mom and now she’s married, but excuse me if I don’t want this judgmental, disrespectful man-child to be considered my “father” in any terms. Am I wrong for denouncing the idea that he’s in any way my anything?
— Not My Dad