Date who you want, but you both sound awful

short+sassy

Prudence

I am a 56-year-old woman who is single. I have a younger man who is interested in dating me. He has stated that he is very serious about his feelings. He is a true gentleman and is in business for himself (so I am quite confident he is not after money). Many people think I am a lot younger than I am, and peers who have observed the situation often encourage me to go out with him. Here is the kicker: He is 28. I haven’t even allowed myself to truly consider going out with him until now. I don’t want to be considered a cougar or a cradle robber.

Heck, I think I am older than his mom! We do share a lot of common ground on various subjects, and if it wasn’t for the age difference I would have dated him in a heartbeat. He is aware of my hesitancy and has been working at winning me over for the past three months. I feel if we end up having a long-term relationship, he will miss out on a lot (having children the main one) and will be my caregiver as I age. He says that neither of those are a concern for him. Am I sick for even considering this?

— Age Anxiety

CharmedPam

Dear Age Anxiety

put the pen or pencil down (or I guess keypad in this case), and go and talk to the dude about this.  Not Prudie.  Prudie can’t answer this for you. Have an adult talk about What BOTH of you are looking for.  Maybe he doesn’t want kids? Maybe he does but wants short term with you now? Maybe you do? Maybe you don’t? But also keep in mind that 28 years may be nbd NOW since you’re both young, but has he thought about what life will be like in 25 years if he wants long term?

STARMOON44

I think someone who is right for you does not make you this stressed an anxious. It’s fine to say that in another world yes but in our world no. 

short+sassy

Here's why I don't like either person.

LW:  Despite the guy being in his late 20s, she seems to think it's okay for her to make decisions for him and tell him how he should feel.  Super patronizing.  When I was 28, I absolutely knew I did not want to have children.  I am having flashbacks to the infuriating and patronizing remarks people would make like, "When you find the right guy, you will change your mind."  Or, "You'll change your mind when your biological clock starts ticking."  Maybe being treated like he's an ignorant child is his thing, but it sounds awful to me.

Guy:  The LW has already said no to being asked out.  Sounds like many times.  Granted, it sounds like the LW is sending major mixed messages, which is another reason why she's a jerk.  But it's still creepy of the Guy to continually pursue her, when she's already said no. 

VarunaTT

I'll post here too:  I don't think LW has completely said no to this guy.  LW talks about "hesitancy", which makes me feel like LW is sending mixed messages.

If LW is only concerned about social "norms", just date the guy.  No one says dating = marriage and kids.  They might go out and find out they have nothing in common.  They might be the new best couple in the world who decides they don't want children.  But a firm yes or no is needed from LW to stop leading the guy on.