Dear Prudence,
I have been married for almost five years. My husband and I have two children, ages 4 and 2. Whenever we get into a conflict, my husband is always passive aggressively taking the 4-year-old for a “fun trip” and not inviting me. I have observed this behavior before we got married, with our dogs. He would take the dogs out to “have fun,” isolating me immediately after a fight just to spite me. He also often tells my 4-year-old that I always ruin their fun (I am stricter about rules). Now my 4-year-old, when being punished by me, will cry to daddy and say “mommy always tries to ruin our fun.”
We’ve talked about this multiple times. I told my husband that this behavior is hurtful to me and harmful to our kids. However, I am not sure I am seeing a lot of changes. I don’t think I am so small that I would do the same thing to spite him back. But what if our children become distant from me in the future because of what my husband frequently jokes/says to them? That would absolutely break my heart. While I am the primary breadwinner in the house, I am also the primary caretaker, discipliner, and cleaning lady. There isn’t as much energy left for me to play with them—I am definitely less “fun.”
There are other issues in my marriage (probably in many people’s marriages), but they are not as big as this one. I don’t know if I should cut my losses right now because I feel like I can see the writing’s on the wall or if I should actually wait it out since there are no other major deal-breakers.
— Should I Divorce?