Wedding Woes

Wanting to just elope because of mom

So my fiancé and I recently graduated from
college this past May and so we are both getting our career lives started so we don’t have a lot of money to pay for our wedding. My mom has always said that when I get married she and my dad will pay for the wedding if I give them a year long engagement so they can pay for it without going into debt. But unfortunately with them footing the bill, she basically has taken over the whole thing. The budget is pretty small so I knew the wedding wasn’t going to be fancy which I’m fine with, however it’s now it’s just looking cheap and tacky. She thinks her ideas are”classy and simple” but everything she is picking looks like a cheesy 90s style church wedding. When we went dress shopping, everything that was in the $200 budget was kinda boring and I didn’t like anything. I paid to rent the church and I’m paying for as much as I can to get my own way on some things but none of it looks good. I’ve been thinking of just telling my mom we are calling off the actual wedding and my fiancé and I will just go to Vegas with our closest friends and get married there. I’m at the point that I don’t want to look back at my pictures and hate my wedding. The dress I settled for isn’t anything that I would have ever picked for myself and I don’t feel beautiful in it. The decorations, the flowers, the cake, all of it just isn’t pretty or my style at all. It’s making me hate my own wedding and I just want to be married at the end of the day.  I don’t want to be ungrateful and I love my mom and I can understand she doesn’t want to spend a lot but I would rather her save her money for anything else than the what I feel we are wasting it on. When I’ve pushed back on things, her feelings get hurt my which I don’t want to do.  Has anyone else had to deal with something like this and any advice?

Re: Wanting to just elope because of mom

  • So my fiancé and I recently graduated from
    college this past May and so we are both getting our career lives started so we don’t have a lot of money to pay for our wedding. My mom has always said that when I get married she and my dad will pay for the wedding if I give them a year long engagement so they can pay for it without going into debt. But unfortunately with them footing the bill, she basically has taken over the whole thing. The budget is pretty small so I knew the wedding wasn’t going to be fancy which I’m fine with, however it’s now it’s just looking cheap and tacky. She thinks her ideas are”classy and simple” but everything she is picking looks like a cheesy 90s style church wedding. When we went dress shopping, everything that was in the $200 budget was kinda boring and I didn’t like anything. I paid to rent the church and I’m paying for as much as I can to get my own way on some things but none of it looks good. I’ve been thinking of just telling my mom we are calling off the actual wedding and my fiancé and I will just go to Vegas with our closest friends and get married there. I’m at the point that I don’t want to look back at my pictures and hate my wedding. The dress I settled for isn’t anything that I would have ever picked for myself and I don’t feel beautiful in it. The decorations, the flowers, the cake, all of it just isn’t pretty or my style at all. It’s making me hate my own wedding and I just want to be married at the end of the day.  I don’t want to be ungrateful and I love my mom and I can understand she doesn’t want to spend a lot but I would rather her save her money for anything else than the what I feel we are wasting it on. When I’ve pushed back on things, her feelings get hurt my which I don’t want to do.  Has anyone else had to deal with something like this and any advice?
    Your mom sounds sensitive but you need to be honest with her. You should plan a gentle CTJ talk where you explain how you are feeling and what you would like to do to move forward, maybe creating a vision board together would help get you guys on the same page. She sounds like she is trying her best and takes it personally when Her Best isn't Your Best.
  • Well unfortunately this is sometimes what happens when someone else is paying for the wedding. She should absolutely be open and agreeable to what you want and not take it personally if you don't like something. 

    If you truly don't want a wedding like this and want to elope, do that! Don't let your parents spend money on a wedding you don't want. 
  • One of the best ways to cut costs is to keep the guest list small.  Instead of having a private ceremony in Vegas with a few close friends...which is fine if that is what you want to do...have a small ceremony where you all live and go out to a nice restaurant for the reception.

    As for your wedding dress, it doesn't need to be white and floofy if you couldn't find anything you like in your price range.  Be open to other colors and shop for formal gowns at department stores.  Or wear a more simple dress, but one that you feel beautiful in.  Or bridesmaids dresses are typically cheaper and white is usually a color that can be chosen. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2021
    wrong post.  

    :smile:
  • Consider going to dress consignment shops or shops where wedding dresses are donated and used as a fundraiser for charity or places like GoodWill/St. Vinny's that have dresses donated to them...  You never know, you may find a dress there that is more your style and still fits the tight budget.  

    You're both on different book editions, time to get your bridal vision to align with your bridal budget.  You're going to have a beautiful wedding day no matter what.  Remember, the only things you NEED to get married is a person willing to marry you, an officiant, and a license.  The rest is gravy and bonus!  
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