Telling people to eff off is a great response.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

​​I am a 57-year-old, white, old-school butch lesbian. My question is about how to respond to self-appointed bathroom police. I know I look like a total dad-dude-bro, especially when I travel (often cargo shorts, baggy t-shirt, baseball cap). But after almost 40 years as a masculine-looking woman, I am getting more aggressively challenged lately, maybe because the addition of a mask creates more confusion.

I used to be able to cheerfully respond to “This is the women’s room!” with an “Oh, good” or “It’s OK. I’m a lesbian” or “Who appointed you bathroom police?”.  But twice since I’ve been traveling for work in the past six months, I’ve been physically blocked from proceeding to a stall. The first time, when told “This restroom is for women only,” I was so startled I said “Fuck off, asshole” and went on my way. The second time, I said, “Get out of my way” and they moved away (my voice clearly identifies me as a woman). I have a lot of privilege (white, older, wealthy lawyer), so I don’t worry about what might happen if security or police are called on me. Non-white/non-privileged masculine women and feminine men would have to make a different calculation.
I’ll try to keep with the non-confrontational route, but I get cranky when I’m travelling. What do you think a good response is?

— Butch Woman

MyNameIsNot

Keep doing what you're doing, as long as you're up for it and you're safe. People who would try to bar you from peeing don't deserve any courtesy. 

MissKittyDanger

This really makes me want gender neutral bathrooms. People having to deal with bathroom police is just ridiculous

Pro telling people to leave you alone.

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

Keep doing what you're doing, as long as you're up for it and you're safe. People who would try to bar you from peeing don't deserve any courtesy. 

Yup this.  

charlotte989875

Ask if they had to “prove” they were a woman before walking in there. But seriously why do you feel the need to be polite to these assholes. 

climbingsingle

Keep telling these assholes to fuck off. 

short+sassy

I would probably reply, "Oh!  Well then it's a good thing I'm a woman."  While I did a dramatic eye roll.  But nothing wrong with rougher language also, if that is the LW's preference.

But I can see why it is upsetting on a larger picture also.  While insulting for the LW, a POC might face more danger and pushback acting in the same way.

Not the same thing, but here's a story about gender and bathrooms.  I had a friend at my jr. college who was in a stall in the women's restroom, but was wearing military-style, heavy boots.  She had a campus police officer tell her in a stern, commanding voice that she needed to come out of the stall.  She said she would in a sec (while she finished her business).  When she came out of the stall, he was totally apologetic.

Apparently, there had been incidents of a man hiding in stalls in the bathrooms and then sexually harassing women who came in.  Verbally only thank goodness, but still, terrifying.  So he was worried she was that man, because all he could see were her boots.