Avoiding a SO

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3

One of my fiances longtime friends has an SO neither of us care to hang around but tolerate it more so because well we have to. That being said we want to avoid her coming to the wedding but are unsure how to explain it. Just gets loud, talks over you, me me me and ends up just sloppy. There's a bit more to the story history wise but I'm just doing the much shortened version. We were suggested that instead of allowing SO's we just invite the employees as a group ( fiance owns a business and friend is an employee ) as none of the others employed have SO's. He also doesn't want to cause tension between us and them but we also don't want the drama. I just don't want the potential of or the headache of having to maybe deescalate a situation or make family/friends deal with it. 

banana468

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3 said:

One of my fiances longtime friends has an SO neither of us care to hang around but tolerate it more so because well we have to. That being said we want to avoid her coming to the wedding but are unsure how to explain it. Just gets loud, talks over you, me me me and ends up just sloppy. There's a bit more to the story history wise but I'm just doing the much shortened version. We were suggested that instead of allowing SO's we just invite the employees as a group ( fiance owns a business and friend is an employee ) as none of the others employed have SO's. He also doesn't want to cause tension between us and them but we also don't want the drama. I just don't want the potential of or the headache of having to maybe deescalate a situation or make family/friends deal with it. 

You will need to invite her if you invite her BF. .. that said, you need to remind yourself that there are just some things you can't control and any poor behavior reflects on her and not you.  If you were rude to your guests by not inviting their significant other then that reflects poorly on you.

climbingsingle

knottie0255c95f2b848fb3 said:

One of my fiances longtime friends has an SO neither of us care to hang around but tolerate it more so because well we have to. That being said we want to avoid her coming to the wedding but are unsure how to explain it. Just gets loud, talks over you, me me me and ends up just sloppy. There's a bit more to the story history wise but I'm just doing the much shortened version. We were suggested that instead of allowing SO's we just invite the employees as a group ( fiance owns a business and friend is an employee ) as none of the others employed have SO's. He also doesn't want to cause tension between us and them but we also don't want the drama. I just don't want the potential of or the headache of having to maybe deescalate a situation or make family/friends deal with it. 

You absolutely cannot invite a person without their SO. There's no way to do this without offending people severely. Also that fact that you're considering doing this to your FI's employee is just...really tacky and will likely lead to huge problems with your relationship with him, personally and professionally. 

Honestly you probably won't even know she's there. The day will most likely be a whirlwind and you'll be talking with and interacting with so many people. 

MyNameIsNot

If you don't want her there, the way to go about it is to not invite him. Inviting him without her is an obvious insult and will likely have a lasting impact, both to their friendship and working relationship. 

geebee908

Yeah, this is one you just have to suck up. You can't make it look good for you even if you say that we are inviting only the employees and not their SOs. Primarily because it's rude not to invite SOs, but also, I'm sure your friend and the other employees will know that rule only applies to the friend. You will look bad if you don't invite SO.

levioosa

You need to invite her. Not inviting her and inviting the employee is rude and tacky. You’ll barely notice her. 

downtondiva

Sorry, you have to include the SO. It's rude and insulting to their relationship not to do so. You're going to have so much going on that day that you'll probably hardly notice her anyway. And if she annoys other guests, that's a reflection on her, not on you.

MesmrEwe

Another vote for "You probably won't even notice she's there because you'll be too busy with everything else going on."...  

There's a few dynamics at play because your FI is also the employer that can get sticky for him rather quickly but also etiquette is they're invited even if they choose not to attend with their SO.  "Annoying personality" is not a reason to exclude a SO!