Okay, so I'm feeling pretty stuck at the moment. My fiance picked his best friend to be his best man. He doesn't actually have any other close friends, so it was an obvious choice. I really don't like the guy - and for pretty valid reasons!!!
A few months into our relationship, fiance brought best friend and his partner round to his for dinner. I got on really well with her but on about the third occasion meeting them, they again came for dinner. You could cut the air with a knife, it was so tense. She looked so upset that when best friend went outside to BBQ with my fiance, I asked her what was wrong. She broke down and told me that he'd got drunk the night before and violently raped her!!!! She chose to stay with him and work things through etc and asked me not to say anything, which I respected for her sake. They got married; it was small and out of town so my fiance didn't get invited.
The two of them did a lot for us over the years; they helped me with my mums funeral and with renovating our house. They had a child and a year later we had one too. She and I hung out all the time and I constantly cringed about the things she told me, like her husband threw a glass at her, which smashed on the wall above her head WHILE she was holding their child!!!
So yeah. Zero respect for the guy.
Fast forward a little, and they split up. I remained friends with her and the two of them are still going through a nasty custody battle. She will also be at our wedding.
He has a new partner, who is lovely. They live together. My fiance and I heard from 2 different people that he is on tinder, so after talking with fiance about it (he knows everything mentioned above), he messaged him to ask wtf is going on. Best man said very little. I felt morally obliged to let his current partner know, because I would hole someone would have the courage to let ME know if the roles were reversed. She was (of course) devastated. She then told me that my fiance apparently hadn't been his best man because his ex wife (my friend) didn't like me. I was blown away by that lie. I told her the truth about the shitty things he'd done to his ex and she made excuses so I let it go.
He's now unfriended me on facebook, so I asked him why. His answer was that "while you're [me] loyal to [his ex] and letting her manipulate you [me] then I will keep you at arms length."
I've asked him what impact my friendship with her has on his life, as I keep out of any of their drama and whether he could come round to talk about it, as it's otherwise going to make our wedding pretty awkward and isn't fair on my fiance. I have always been polite to him despite bot liking him. He's ghosting me like a child and I'm feeling pretty stuck. Guy is a total dickhead and I genuinely don't want him near our wedding but fiance and he have a 12yr friendship and he's supported my fiance through a lot. Fiance thinks his behavior is pretty too, but doesn't know how to approach it either. I think he needs to be the one to tell his mate to pull his head in and talk to us about it, or he can't be the BM.
What would you do???