Wedding Invitations & Paper

His mother wants two separate invitations!!

Would love some advice on my wedding invitation woes!  Created an amazing invitation and researched all the etiquette, etc.  Fiancé and I agreed and I'm ready to lock them in.  Naturally, he showed his mother and she had an issue with it.  Reason?  I listed my parents name as the host (as they have done absolutely everything so far- including paying for the venue, confirming priests, figuring out food, etc.)  I wasn't mean about it though; I included her husband and her name after my fiancé's name.  This isn't good enough because they aren't first.  She hasn't done a single thing except make this entire situation stressful.  

NOW- she'd like us to have two separate invitations.  One will be with my parents as the host and the other would be with her and her husband's name as the hosts.  Even though she isn't!  It's absolutely ridiculous and I'm fuming.  She's already caused enough stress as she kept forcing a reception on us (which we'd have to fork money out for btw) and fiancé and I wanted to save for a house.  She rejected my engagement ceremony and she planned an event for my fiancé on the same night as my event  - which he was supposed to attend.  AND she absolutely refuses to even get involved with this wedding and we only have 6 months left.  

Re: His mother wants two separate invitations!!

  • Would love some advice on my wedding invitation woes!  Created an amazing invitation and researched all the etiquette, etc.  Fiancé and I agreed and I'm ready to lock them in.  Naturally, he showed his mother and she had an issue with it.  Reason?  I listed my parents name as the host (as they have done absolutely everything so far- including paying for the venue, confirming priests, figuring out food, etc.)  I wasn't mean about it though; I included her husband and her name after my fiancé's name.  This isn't good enough because they aren't first.  She hasn't done a single thing except make this entire situation stressful.  

    NOW- she'd like us to have two separate invitations.  One will be with my parents as the host and the other would be with her and her husband's name as the hosts.  Even though she isn't!  It's absolutely ridiculous and I'm fuming.  She's already caused enough stress as she kept forcing a reception on us (which we'd have to fork money out for btw) and fiancé and I wanted to save for a house.  She rejected my engagement ceremony and she planned an event for my fiancé on the same night as my event  - which he was supposed to attend.  AND she absolutely refuses to even get involved with this wedding and we only have 6 months left.  
    Two invitations is ridiculous so just keep holding your ground on this. A host is the point person (or people) for an event, not who pays. They answer questions guests have and great guests as they arrive. Often hosts do pay for an event but paying doesn't equate with hosting. I do notice that you say she is forcing a reception. You do need to have a reception to thank you your guests for attending. It doesn't have to be big and elaborate but it does need to happen. If the wedding is around the time of a meal, the reception should include a meal (again it doesn't have to be elaborate). If the wedding isn't close to meal time, a "punch and cake" reception is sufficient. Where is your FI in all of this? He needs to be the one talking to his mother (blood talks to blood).
    banana468charlotte989875short+sassy
  • Would love some advice on my wedding invitation woes!  Created an amazing invitation and researched all the etiquette, etc.  Fiancé and I agreed and I'm ready to lock them in.  Naturally, he showed his mother and she had an issue with it.  Reason?  I listed my parents name as the host (as they have done absolutely everything so far- including paying for the venue, confirming priests, figuring out food, etc.)  I wasn't mean about it though; I included her husband and her name after my fiancé's name.  This isn't good enough because they aren't first.  She hasn't done a single thing except make this entire situation stressful.  

    NOW- she'd like us to have two separate invitations.  One will be with my parents as the host and the other would be with her and her husband's name as the hosts.  Even though she isn't!  It's absolutely ridiculous and I'm fuming.  She's already caused enough stress as she kept forcing a reception on us (which we'd have to fork money out for btw) and fiancé and I wanted to save for a house.  She rejected my engagement ceremony and she planned an event for my fiancé on the same night as my event  - which he was supposed to attend.  AND she absolutely refuses to even get involved with this wedding and we only have 6 months left.  
    Two invitations is ridiculous so just keep holding your ground on this. A host is the point person (or people) for an event, not who pays. They answer questions guests have and great guests as they arrive. Often hosts do pay for an event but paying doesn't equate with hosting. I do notice that you say she is forcing a reception. You do need to have a reception to thank you your guests for attending. It doesn't have to be big and elaborate but it does need to happen. If the wedding is around the time of a meal, the reception should include a meal (again it doesn't have to be elaborate). If the wedding isn't close to meal time, a "punch and cake" reception is sufficient. Where is your FI in all of this? He needs to be the one talking to his mother (blood talks to blood).
    All of this.  I think your FI needs to talk to his mother and essentially set her straight.  If she isn't hosting then she doesn't get to be listed as a hostess.  Furthermore, sending two sets of invitations gives the impression that there are two events and that isn't the case.

    You two should talk ahead of his conversation.  Is she actively participating in hosting?  If she isn't, he needs to be clear about the boundaries. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd stand firm - first that your FI needs to make it clear to his mother that as she is not a hostess, she isn't going to be listed on the invitation as such, and her being there at all is strictly a courtesy. There will be no separate invitations.

    If you think it's warranted because of all the stress you're getting from her, you and your FI should have a come-to-Jesus meeting with her to establish firm boundaries for your wedding and your future lives.
  • Thanks so much everyone!  She hasn't lifted a single finger to even be considered a host and we have 6 months to go; not even emotionally (which I'll accept as help!).  Doesn't check in, doesn't ask how we're doing; essentially just ignoring the fact that wedding planning is in motion.  This is why it's so upsetting.  I've accepted 0 support but to have her name as a host is too much!  Fiancé is so quiet that I have to force his hand to even get involved- all around very frustrating! 

    Regarding the reception; we called it off because she wants hundreds of people there and my family has to fork out the money for half of it (which we cannot manage).  In our culture, there is a necessary celebration the day after the wedding which is the "thank you/celebration".  She wants both :) 
  • Thanks so much everyone!  She hasn't lifted a single finger to even be considered a host and we have 6 months to go; not even emotionally (which I'll accept as help!).  Doesn't check in, doesn't ask how we're doing; essentially just ignoring the fact that wedding planning is in motion.  This is why it's so upsetting.  I've accepted 0 support but to have her name as a host is too much!  Fiancé is so quiet that I have to force his hand to even get involved- all around very frustrating! 

    Regarding the reception; we called it off because she wants hundreds of people there and my family has to fork out the money for half of it (which we cannot manage).  In our culture, there is a necessary celebration the day after the wedding which is the "thank you/celebration".  She wants both :) 
    If this is US-based I can tell you that a reception needs to follow the ceremony.  If this is not the etiquette for your location I can't advise.

    What I can say is that your FI may be quiet but IMO there are battles that need to be picked and that is one.  No one wants to fight their parents but is he OK that the alternative is walking all over the person he is going to be with for life? 
    ILoveBeachMusicJen4948short+sassy
  • One invitation - and a lesson learned for you!  Bride traditionally goes first (thus bride's parents) before Groom...  

    The lesson learned - until it's locked in or they're directly paying for it, stop sharing details!  Be aware things like this will continue long after your married and you and FI need to have boundaries in place and set them strong.  Especially when it comes to things like should you choose to have kids - DO NOT tell her (or anyone) what you're naming them until AFTER the baby is officially named by all legal channels with the name that you/FI choose! Purchasing a house, etc.!!!  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • YES!  Exactly this.  I was trying to be gracious and let her feel involved.  Last time.  Thank you the encouragement  !
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