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(XP) DESPERATE NEED OF HELP MOH/BM DOESNT WANT TO INCLUDE MY FIANCE IN OUR NEW YEARS PLANS

roseswj2022roseswj2022 member
First Comment
edited December 2021 in Chit Chat
New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.

Re: (XP) DESPERATE NEED OF HELP MOH/BM DOESNT WANT TO INCLUDE MY FIANCE IN OUR NEW YEARS PLANS

  • roseswj2022roseswj2022 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2021
    I am new to this discussion posting so bare with me please lol
  • roseswj2022roseswj2022 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2021
         
  • geebee908 said:
    New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.

    Have you proposed doing the girls' get-together at another time? I don't think you have to make it all or nothing, but you also should consider that you and your fiance will have many more NYEs together.

    Just because it's the only one you'll have as an engaged couple doesn't carry that much weight with me, and I imagine your friends feel the same. Your engagement period is just the period you usually spend planning for your eventual marriage; it's not a period of milestone moments, generally. Some people want the time between their engagement and wedding day to be all about them, but almost no one else will feel that way about the time period. 
    This is pretty much where I am. I don't consider it relevant that this is your only NYE as an engaged couple. My husband and I were engaged for a year and a half, and we only had one NYE during that time. I think it's pretty standard and I wouldn't factor that into what you decide to do. 

    What's far more relevant here, in my opinion, is whether you want to spend NYE away from your fiance and whether he's okay with spending the evening on his own or can make other plans. If you're both fine with spending the evening apart, go ahead and see your college friends. If not, try talking to those friends again and explain that it's important to you and your fiance to be together to ring in the New Year and say you'll hope they reconsider. If they continue to insist on girls only, decide then if you'd rather stay home with your FI and do something together just the two of you and reschedule your girls trip for another time. 

    The one thing I caution against is canceling your trip to see the college friends to go to the high school friends' party, even if part of the reasons you're considering that is the inclusion of your fiance. Your college friends may understand you deciding you want to be with your fiance that evening, but they probably will not appreciate their plans with you being canceled in favor of other friends. Just my opinion. 
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  • geebee908 said:
    New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.

    Have you proposed doing the girls' get-together at another time? I don't think you have to make it all or nothing, but you also should consider that you and your fiance will have many more NYEs together.

    Just because it's the only one you'll have as an engaged couple doesn't carry that much weight with me, and I imagine your friends feel the same. Your engagement period is just the period you usually spend planning for your eventual marriage; it's not a period of milestone moments, generally. Some people want the time between their engagement and wedding day to be all about them, but almost no one else will feel that way about the time period. 
    If I did not come to their city for New Years they would be very upset with me, so postponing it would not help the situation, unfortunately. I wanted to spend this New Years with my fiancé (since I had to work all the days of Christmas) and my friends know I had to work all those days, so I just thought they'd be understanding of that. Also, I appreciated my high school friends inviting both my fiancé and me. I do not want to step on anyone's toes so I will probably just go through with my original plans of seeing my college friends without my fiancé. I wish I could be at 2 places at once! (Also I am only 23 years old so I am still figuring out this whole process and life in general)
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.

    1.  " I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city."
    2.  "My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together."

    Did your FI make his plans only AFTER you agreed to see your MOH and BM?  If that is the case, then you ought to stick with your first commitment.  If you back out of your commitment with your MOH and BM, it would be incredibly hurtful to then make plans with other friends. 
  • geebee908 said:
    New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.

    Have you proposed doing the girls' get-together at another time? I don't think you have to make it all or nothing, but you also should consider that you and your fiance will have many more NYEs together.

    Just because it's the only one you'll have as an engaged couple doesn't carry that much weight with me, and I imagine your friends feel the same. Your engagement period is just the period you usually spend planning for your eventual marriage; it's not a period of milestone moments, generally. Some people want the time between their engagement and wedding day to be all about them, but almost no one else will feel that way about the time period. 
    If I did not come to their city for New Years they would be very upset with me, so postponing it would not help the situation, unfortunately. I wanted to spend this New Years with my fiancé (since I had to work all the days of Christmas) and my friends know I had to work all those days, so I just thought they'd be understanding of that. Also, I appreciated my high school friends inviting both my fiancé and me. I do not want to step on anyone's toes so I will probably just go through with my original plans of seeing my college friends without my fiancé. I wish I could be at 2 places at once! (Also I am only 23 years old so I am still figuring out this whole process and life in general)
    Genuine question here- then why did you make plans with them for NYE if you worked all of Christmas and hanging out with him on NYE was important to you? 
    banana468downtondivaclimbingsingle
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    geebee908 said:
    New Years is coming up, and it will be the first and only New Years my fiancé and I will spend together as....well you know....fiancés (we will be married by next New Years). I was supposed to go see my MOH and bridesmaid, who are my college friends, in their city. My fiancé planned to go see his friends in the same city so that we could each hang with our friends but also go to a bar together to spend New Years together. However, my fiancé's plans fell through, and so I asked my MOH and bm, if he could join us. They replied by saying they were hoping for a girls trip only. Meanwhile, my 2 bestfriends from high school (who I almost made my MOHs) later invited me to a get together at one of their houses for New Years and invited both me and fiancé to this gathering, where my fiancé would meet some of my best high school friends. I just feel like my college friends do not understand or consider that this is mine and my fiancé's first and only New Years as an engaged couple. Or am I being inconsiderate of my college friends' wishes? Part of me wants to tell my college friends that I am just going to go with my high school friends since they invited my fiancé, but I do not want to open a can of worms, especially because one of the college friends is my MOH. I do not know what to do, and I am in desperate need of help.

    Have you proposed doing the girls' get-together at another time? I don't think you have to make it all or nothing, but you also should consider that you and your fiance will have many more NYEs together.

    Just because it's the only one you'll have as an engaged couple doesn't carry that much weight with me, and I imagine your friends feel the same. Your engagement period is just the period you usually spend planning for your eventual marriage; it's not a period of milestone moments, generally. Some people want the time between their engagement and wedding day to be all about them, but almost no one else will feel that way about the time period. 
    If I did not come to their city for New Years they would be very upset with me, so postponing it would not help the situation, unfortunately. I wanted to spend this New Years with my fiancé (since I had to work all the days of Christmas) and my friends know I had to work all those days, so I just thought they'd be understanding of that. Also, I appreciated my high school friends inviting both my fiancé and me. I do not want to step on anyone's toes so I will probably just go through with my original plans of seeing my college friends without my fiancé. I wish I could be at 2 places at once! (Also I am only 23 years old so I am still figuring out this whole process and life in general)
    Honestly, I'd be pretty upset with you too. You made plans to spend NYE with them in their city and now you want to bail because your FI's plan fell through. It's cool that your FI was planning to be in the same city at the same time, but that wasn't central to the plan. If spending the holiday with him was such a big deal, you would have made plans together rather than separate plans that happened to be in the same city.

    I've a few friends over the years that flake or stop making plans when they're coupled up and it's never turned out well. 
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