Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend of four years can be, by his own admission, a bit rigid and critical. I’m having trouble sorting out whether I’m too sensitive to criticism or if he’s going too far. Nothing he asks me to change is terribly burdensome or necessarily unreasonable, but taken all together, it feels like quite a lot and has me exhausted and on edge all the time trying to make sure I don’t do something wrong. I feel like everyone has a few quirks that they are more zealous about than the average person, but at what point does the sheer number become unreasonable to ask of a partner?
Some examples:
• He doesn’t like that after my alarm goes off in the morning, I like to lay in bed for 2-5 minutes, thinking about my upcoming day, getting used to being awake. He thinks I should get up and out of bed immediately when my alarm goes off.
• He’s a dentist and always drinks with a straw to minimize the time beverages are in contact with teeth and thus prevent them from becoming discolored. He believes I should too, which I don’t necessarily mind, but sometimes I forget or don’t want to dirty a straw or whatever.
• He saw a video about the best way to chop an onion. I usually do it my own way that I’m used to and he admonishes me for not doing it “the right way.” (I do the lion’s share of the cooking for us. He doesn’t really cook much at all, but used to work at restaurants while I haven’t.)
• I’ve gotten into the habit of going on runs/walks every morning. I alternate running and walking for a minute or two at a time. He thinks this is silly and I should focus on my endurance running.
• I read quite a bit and check out books from the local library. He thinks it’s ridiculous and wasteful of space that I don’t use an e-reader so there aren’t books on the tables or my desk.
• I enjoy having houseplants. I feel like I’m pretty good at keeping them alive, but I’m still learning and have lost a couple plants over the past four years. I hope to one day feel confident enough to have an indoor satsuma tree. He says that I have a black thumb and should give up.
— 99 Ways to Chop an Onion