Wedding 911

think my coordinator is ghosting me? what to do.

birbmombirbmom New York member
First Comment
edited January 13 in Wedding 911
so i started looking for a day-of-coordinator (DOC) in December and spoke to someone who seemed wonderful! i know it's early, but our date was already booked for a few planners so we are trying to get ahead of the game.

she was amazing and said she'd hold our date for 2 weeks so we can speak to other planners. i really respected that! in any case, before the 2 weeks was up we decided to go with her and set up a meeting to finalize everything. sadly we had a family emergency the day of our call and i tried to reschedule. got no response.

over the course of the next 2 weeks i tried texting her  (see if she's alright and express excitement for finalizing things). eventually i called her because i got no responses and wasn't sure if my texts were going through (i had one vender who wasn't getting texts from me for some reason). I left a message reiterating what i'd said in text and included an updated schedule of availability for me. still nothing.

i checked her social media and saw she's still actively posting event pictures and looking for 2022/2023 clients. it really upset me, since in the time it takes to post she could have at least sent a quick "hey i've been busy" text, or something. but then i also read a reddit post recently where a planner asked for patience from clients because the pandemic has made scheduling/rescheduling a nightmare this month.

after seeing that post i'm second guessing myself, however what really has me nervous is that we don't have a signed contract and haven't put down any money. despite saying i'd hire her, there is nothing legal to back that up. she could easily give my date away, and for all i know she may have already. it's already 8 months to the wedding, and i don't want to end up in a situation where i can't find a DOC because she ghosted and nobody is available.

am i being too hasty if i message her one last time to drop her? or am i justified all things considered?

Re: think my coordinator is ghosting me? what to do.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    birbmom said:
    so i started looking for a day-of-coordinator (DOC) in December and spoke to someone who seemed wonderful! i know it's early, but our date was already booked for a few planners so we are trying to get ahead of the game.

    she was amazing and said she'd hold our date for 2 weeks so we can speak to other planners. i really respected that! in any case, before the 2 weeks was up we decided to go with her and set up a meeting to finalize everything. sadly we had a family emergency the day of our call and i tried to reschedule. got no response.

    over the course of the next 2 weeks i tried texting her  (see if she's alright and express excitement for finalizing things). eventually i called her because i got no responses and wasn't sure if my texts were going through (i had one vender who wasn't getting texts from me for some reason). I left a message reiterating what i'd said in text and included an updated schedule of availability for me. still nothing.

    i checked her social media and saw she's still actively posting event pictures and looking for 2022/2023 clients. it really upset me, since in the time it takes to post she could have at least sent a quick "hey i've been busy" text, or something. but then i also read a reddit post recently where a planner asked for patience from clients because the pandemic has made scheduling/rescheduling a nightmare this month.

    after seeing that post i'm second guessing myself, however what really has me nervous is that we don't have a signed contract and haven't put down any money. despite saying i'd hire her, there is nothing legal to back that up. she could easily give my date away, and for all i know she may have already. it's already 8 months to the wedding, and i don't want to end up in a situation where i can't find a DOC because she ghosted and nobody is available.

    am i being too hasty if i message her one last time to drop her? or am i justified all things considered?
    Move on. You haven't signed a contract or put money down, so she's not your DOC, she's a DOC that you wanted to hire. 

    It's nice that she offered to hold your date for two weeks, but she is not bound to do that and would have been free to rescind that and book another couple. Going by the lack of response, it seems that she either booked someone else or otherwise became unavailable for that date, or otherwise decided that she didn't want to work with you. Sure, it's frustrating when people don't respond, but that's just how business works sometimes. Don't take it personally. 
    charlotte989875
  • birbmombirbmom New York member
    First Comment
    edited January 13
    It's nice that she offered to hold your date for two weeks, but she is not bound to do that and would have been free to rescind that and book another couple.

    One thing i want to clarify, i didn't ask her to hold the date or wait. she told me that it's her policy to hold all prospective dates for 2 weeks and assured me that it would be held for that duration. if she'd told me otherwise i probably would have acted much faster, but i believed her. 

    otherwise you are probably right. she most likely decided to fill the date anyway and is now ghosting me to avoid having to admit that she lied. i wouldn't say i take it personally, but i do feel slighted and lied to if that's the case. either way, i would prefer honesty, even if that honesty is that she didn't honor the 2 weeks she promised.

    but i think i will be moving on regardless at this point. 
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd count this as a blessing in disguise. If she's this flaky in communicating now, I'd be worried about the next months leading up to the wedding. I'd find another DOC. 
    charlotte989875ILoveBeachMusic
  • I'd count this as a blessing in disguise. If she's this flaky in communicating now, I'd be worried about the next months leading up to the wedding. I'd find another DOC. 
    This. 

    If she can’t return a text or phone call saying “great, I’ve got you booked I’m scheduling appointments the first week of February and I’ll be in touch” then I wouldn’t want to hire her. 

    Keep looking for someone else. 
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Without a contract or any other communication, I'd move on. She clearly doesn't consider you important enough to return a message, let alone commit to work for you.
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