Dear Prudence,
I’ve had misophonia my whole life. As a child, I felt like I was a horrible person for the feelings certain sounds evoked in me— my mother chewing, my sister coughing. When I learned that it was a real condition several years ago, I felt such relief! I wasn’t terrible or crazy, and other people had this issue too. It still causes me issues in my life, but I’ve mostly learned to work around it. I have a loving and considerate partner who works with me and understands that it is not something I control.
My problem is my boss. I work in a nonprofit with a small administrative office. I share a space with my director, a middle-aged woman who eats at her desk, chews with her mouth open, makes random smacking sounds, and hums and talks to herself. I’ve done almost everything I can to mask the sounds. I listen to white or brown noise on my earbuds on top of my podcasts and music, I’ve purchased noise canceling earplugs, I leave the office for a few minutes at a time when I can. I’ve also spoken to our HR director and our CFO, who have said they will try to accommodate me by putting cubes into our office. However, it’s been a couple of months with no movement in this area. I’ve even moved to working from home one day a week that doesn’t overlap with her work from home day. But there are still three days a week when I’m crawling out of my skin.
I don’t know what else to do. I don’t feel like I can talk to her about it, given her reactions to other types of criticism. But it’s getting to the point where I feel like I might have to quit my job. How can someone be so oblivious to the sounds she is making? Please, help me!
— At the End of My Rope