Wedding Dress Doubts

knottiea07694a965713e89

Hi there,

I'm wondering if I could get some advice. (Advance trigger warning: discussion of eating disorders)

I went to a second-hand wedding dress shop a few months ago and chose a dress.

I have a history of eating disorders and trying on clothes is always an anxiety-inducing thing for me. I had therapy in the lead-up to trying on dresses but still felt really anxious and awful on the day, even though I made an effort to put a brave face on for my mum. It was very stressful and not at all the 'magical' experience everyone told me it would be.

I think I panic-chose a dress just to keep my mum and the lady in the shop happy. It's now all bought and paid for and hanging up in my parent's spare room.

The thing is, I don't know if I like it or not. Every time I try it on, I just feel 'meh.' It doesn't feel special and just reminds me of an awful, stressful, sweaty, panicky day.

I want to ask my mum if I can change it, but the second-hand dress was a real bargain and I don't know if the shop accepts returns. I have my heart set on another dress that is just gorgeous but don't know whether to go and try it on in secret...

I don't want to feel 'meh' on my wedding day but I also don't want to upset my mum, who has generously paid for this dress.

Any advice?
Thanks. 

ILoveBeachMusic

It is not unusual for brides to second guess choices. Have you actually seen the other dress in person or tried it on. Will you not have the same anxiety issues trying on that dress? I'm just asking so that you think this through. If you truly don't like your dress (a lot of brides don't have that ah ha moment with a dress), talk to your mother about and see if the shop will accept a return. If it is a consignment shop, you could probably sell it there if they don't accept returns. 

maine7mob

I wish those shows like 'Say Yes to the Dress' had not perpetuated the myth that there's a certain feeling that is supposed to go along with finding THE dress. There's no such thing. Finding your dress is not the one thing that will make you feel good on your wedding day. It can be part of it, but the real excitement comes from marrying your partner in the presence of people you care about. Unless you absolutely hate your dress and really don't feel good in it, try to focus on the other aspects of planning.

But if you you really don't want to get married in this dress, take the advice above and try to resell it. If you then use the money from that sale to buy one you really do like, then your mother will have paid for that dress, so she won't have lost anything.

MesmrEwe

IMO - Go try the other dress on - ALONE!  Other than the associate to help zip up the dress, let it be a solo experience where you're not "entertaining" or "people pleasing" others and can relax in the decision making... Also check out bridal shops like David's that offer clearance dresses as well as those can even be lower priced than consignment shops.  

Most places won't take returns but they'll take dresses on consignment otherwise there are things like Marketplace and Poshmark that you can sell it online though need to be patient while it's listed.  

The cost of a replacement dress within your budget is minimal compared to wishing you'd have switched dresses long after the wedding...