Wedding Party

Wedding Party HELP!!!! DISASTER

Hello,

I am getting married in October of 2022 and my only sister was asked to be in my friance’s bridal party last night. She accepted the request and was apparently happy…. Later in the evening she texted me asking if her husband was included in mine. I responded that as we are only having a 10 person (total) wedding party he was not as he was my 6th choice… I have a vert close knit group of 5 friends who I could nor would I ever want to pick and choose from. Please note I was in her husbands wedding party as they value family being included although I am not extremely close with the husband. 

Well…. she completely lost it and told me I do not value family and that I do not see them as a married couple. She is more family oritented than I am which she decided to point out but I do agree. Her husband said he be attending the wedding and stormed off from their house to go talk with his dad… He is a very emotional guy and flies off the handle quite often as little and big things set him off. He is very opinionated and finds it hard to hear a different opinion than his own. Anyways, I would love your input as to whether I am in the wrong or if this is something I should not worry about. 


Re: Wedding Party HELP!!!! DISASTER

  • Hello,

    I am getting married in October of 2022 and my only sister was asked to be in my friance’s bridal party last night. She accepted the request and was apparently happy…. Later in the evening she texted me asking if her husband was included in mine. I responded that as we are only having a 10 person (total) wedding party he was not as he was my 6th choice… I have a vert close knit group of 5 friends who I could nor would I ever want to pick and choose from. Please note I was in her husbands wedding party as they value family being included although I am not extremely close with the husband. 

    Well…. she completely lost it and told me I do not value family and that I do not see them as a married couple. She is more family oritented than I am which she decided to point out but I do agree. Her husband said he be attending the wedding and stormed off from their house to go talk with his dad… He is a very emotional guy and flies off the handle quite often as little and big things set him off. He is very opinionated and finds it hard to hear a different opinion than his own. Anyways, I would love your input as to whether I am in the wrong or if this is something I should not worry about. 


    I think you went wrong discussing your WP as something with spaces and slots.  In the future, please don't treat it like something where you are casting a play with a finite number of roles and you ran out of places for her husband. 

    That said, I do not think you have to include the spouses of your WP in the wedding and while your answers stepped into the inappropriate territory, it's far more appropriate to be a grown adult who throws a temper tantrum, hurls insults and accusations and who holds attendance at a wedding over a family member as a threat. 

    If I were you I'd give this situation a few days and then make a phone call apologizing for the phrasing used, state that you hope they understand that you are honoring family by asking your sister to be in the wedding and that while your BIL is not asked to be in the wedding you obviously love and care for them and want them to attend. 

    When it comes to the wedding party itself please seat them with their partners, treat them as social units vs a wedding unit and show your appreciation for family outside the wedding when you can.

    Should your brother in law continue to act like a petulant child do not engage. 
  • I agree with everything @banana468 said. It's fine that you aren't especially close with your brother-in-law, and it's fine that you didn't ask him to be in the wedding party. But you should not have told your sister that her husband was your "6th choice"  to be on your side. That was harsh and thoughtless. While I think your BIL and sister seriously overreacted, I wouldn't be surprised if that comment upset them as much as or more than your not asking your BIL to be in the wedding party. Rather than acting like these were just jobs to fill, you could have and should have said that you decided to keep it to the people you felt closest to, or something along those lines.

    You don't have to ask him now just to restore peace, but I do think you should apologize and let BIL know that you hope he'll attend the wedding. Hopefully things will cool down after that.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2022
    I agree with the PPs. You don't "owe" your BIL a place in your wedding party. But I would not have framed the issue as having only so many "spaces" available in your wedding party and that your BIL wasn't close enough to you to be a definite selection. As you saw, that turned out to be hurtful to your BIL and sister.

    Apologizing would help, and I would emphasize that it's important to you that your sister and BIL will be at your wedding. You might say something like, "Sister, BIL, I'm so sorry about what I said about BIL and our wedding party. It came across very badly and I apologize. I still hope both of you will attend the wedding because it just wouldn't be the same for me or the rest of our family without you."


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