Multiple Bachelorette Parties

knottie00e36fb48c310f6e

Hi! I am in need of some advice. 

I am a pretty non traditional bride over here and I am doing things my own way. I have planned a lot of my bachelorette party (when, where, who) due to my MOH (twin sister) not knowing my small group of friends. I’m letting her have control of decoration and the activities and actually planning things with me giving input. She is on board and enjoys it! 

Here is the background the the problem. The group has dropped from 8, to 6, to now 4 of us total. My friends from around where I live have decided to not go to the trip that changed locations (from a more expensive to a much cheaper one) citing that it is too expensive. They were on board with the more expensive plan and offered to pay more money if needed. I know feel like they ditched me for other reasons and feel hurt. 

The real problem is that they want to throw me another bachelorette around where we live. That would be 6 of the original 8. Basically overshadowing my actual bachelorette party. And their plans would not include my MOH or who would be my bridesmaid if I was having one. I know I am lucky to have friends that want to do this for me, but at the same time I am hurt by what seem to be excuses to not go to my actual party. I feel usurped, in a way. 

Any advice on how to communicate this to them? I am grateful for what seems to be their care for me. I just don’t know how to tell them that it actually hurts my feelings. 

levioosa

knottie00e36fb48c310f6e said:

Hi! I am in need of some advice. 

I am a pretty non traditional bride over here and I am doing things my own way. I have planned a lot of my bachelorette party (when, where, who) due to my MOH (twin sister) not knowing my small group of friends. I’m letting her have control of decoration and the activities and actually planning things with me giving input. She is on board and enjoys it! 

Here is the background the the problem. The group has dropped from 8, to 6, to now 4 of us total. My friends from around where I live have decided to not go to the trip that changed locations (from a more expensive to a much cheaper one) citing that it is too expensive. They were on board with the more expensive plan and offered to pay more money if needed. I know feel like they ditched me for other reasons and feel hurt. 

The real problem is that they want to throw me another bachelorette around where we live. That would be 6 of the original 8. Basically overshadowing my actual bachelorette party. And their plans would not include my MOH or who would be my bridesmaid if I was having one. I know I am lucky to have friends that want to do this for me, but at the same time I am hurt by what seem to be excuses to not go to my actual party. I feel usurped, in a way. 

Any advice on how to communicate this to them? I am grateful for what seems to be their care for me. I just don’t know how to tell them that it actually hurts my feelings. 

A lot going on here. So, you shouldn’t have planned your own Bach party. Any pre-wedding parties are optional and offered. So a reframe in your mindset would be helpful here. It doesn’t really matter that your sister doesn’t know your friends. Group texting isn’t hard. It also sounds like you kind of volun-told people where the events were going to be and there wasn’t a discussion on budgets or location with them. That was going to inevitably lead to hurt feelings and discontent. Try to remove your expectations and hard feelings from the equation. It sounds like your friends want to plan something to celebrate. So let them. That’s how this should have happened to begin with (given you wanted a Bach party, which you do). 

banana468

levioosa said:

knottie00e36fb48c310f6e said:

Hi! I am in need of some advice. 

I am a pretty non traditional bride over here and I am doing things my own way. I have planned a lot of my bachelorette party (when, where, who) due to my MOH (twin sister) not knowing my small group of friends. I’m letting her have control of decoration and the activities and actually planning things with me giving input. She is on board and enjoys it! 

Here is the background the the problem. The group has dropped from 8, to 6, to now 4 of us total. My friends from around where I live have decided to not go to the trip that changed locations (from a more expensive to a much cheaper one) citing that it is too expensive. They were on board with the more expensive plan and offered to pay more money if needed. I know feel like they ditched me for other reasons and feel hurt. 

The real problem is that they want to throw me another bachelorette around where we live. That would be 6 of the original 8. Basically overshadowing my actual bachelorette party. And their plans would not include my MOH or who would be my bridesmaid if I was having one. I know I am lucky to have friends that want to do this for me, but at the same time I am hurt by what seem to be excuses to not go to my actual party. I feel usurped, in a way. 

Any advice on how to communicate this to them? I am grateful for what seems to be their care for me. I just don’t know how to tell them that it actually hurts my feelings. 

A lot going on here. So, you shouldn’t have planned your own Bach party. Any pre-wedding parties are optional and offered. So a reframe in your mindset would be helpful here. It doesn’t really matter that your sister doesn’t know your friends. Group texting isn’t hard. It also sounds like you kind of volun-told people where the events were going to be and there wasn’t a discussion on budgets or location with them. That was going to inevitably lead to hurt feelings and discontent. Try to remove your expectations and hard feelings from the equation. It sounds like your friends want to plan something to celebrate. So let them. That’s how this should have happened to begin with (given you wanted a Bach party, which you do). 

All of the above.  

maine7mob

Your friends want to throw you a bachelorette party. That is your bachelorette party. Give them your sister's contact info so they can invite her.

climbingsingle

Hoo boy. You should not be throwing your on bach part. Full stop.

It doesn't matter if your MOH/sister doesn't know your friends. You can easily connect all of them by email or phone. Also, it's really not OK to plan your bach party, and then dictate to your friends how much everything is going to cost. You don't get to spend their money. 

Your friends have offered to throw you a bach party. Accept it. Have fun.

ei34

I haven't attended any of the destination BP's I've been invited to...not what I want to spend money on.  I have, however, taken the bride out for drinks in our hometown leading up to the wedding to celebrate.  Sometimes it's been a group of mutual friends, none of us could or wanted to attend a whole weekend destination thing but did want to celebrate locally.  It sounds like that's what your four friends are doing.  Why can't you and your one group go on the trip and the other group (no overlapping guests) do the local thing?

banana468

I'll also echo that I may feel far more comfortable with an expensive night out vs. a weekend of comparable cost if my net timing allows me to sleep in my own bed and I'm also dealing with a known location.