Wedding Woes

Wednesday Wednesday

CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
Last night my furnace shut off (got it up and running again, but I’m sure it needs a tune up so it doesn’t happen again) so I texted my repair man at 9. He has someone coming out today, so I’m wfh till then.  It’s been a slow start to today. 

Tonight, after work, is a line dancing meetup class.  Fun! Fun! I always wanted to go to a class like this.  It’s pretty far from me, but worth it.


charlotte989875MNNEBridelevioosamrsconn23

Re: Wednesday Wednesday

  • @CharmedPam Brr! We had that 2x last year and it was so cold :\ Glad it's working and you could get someone in fast!

    So I was sent home early due to ice rain starting. Wasn't terrible drive and I definitely think I got out before it got really bad. It was more slushy but by the time I got home, things were getting more frozen.
    BK was stoked I was home lol and luckily I was because M had a call and then had some work frustrations.

    Side note, we had to finally talk to SFIL and MIL about BIL's attitude.
    M ended up saying something but I don't think BIL took it seriously. BIL is just getting nasty and M even said he doesn't care if there's opposing opinions etc, but BIL name calls. Idk if he thinks it's okay, or whatever but it's awful.
    SFIL and MIL both said they know what we mean and I just got really fkn annoyed because why are WE telling BIL to stop being rude and yet they can't?

    We have a weekly call with SFIL/MIL, BIL/SIL & M's grampa, but we've said we're going to start bowing out because it just becomes talking about BIL and his issues for nearly an hour and after 2 years of this, we're done.
  • Hope it’s a quick fix @CharmedPam. And yay @levioosa on the pending job offer! You deserve all the good things!!
    levioosaei34
  • Still in a sleep training haze, but it’s getting so much better. 

    Still figuring out the babysitting situation with my mom. She loves him so much but it’s becoming a tough situation. H and I had a long talk about how we need to pursue daycare options. We’re worried about her health, she’s pushing back on our sleep training plans, and I think just wants to be grandma and not care giver (even though she won’t come out and say it). It’s so hard. 
    Casadena
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Line dancing sounds like fun. I love to dance. H and I take ballroom lessons but I love line dancing. It was my favorite unit when I substitute taught and filled in for the PE teacher.

    Congrats on the job @levioosa.

    Not much today. We are expecting another freezing rain/ice/snow storm tonight into tomorrow. I have a derm appointment at 3:00 to have a mole removed. It is at a place about 30-45 minutes from here. We shall see how bad the storm is.

    I was up early this morning so I want a nap this afternoon. 


    levioosaSTARMOON44
  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride Midwest member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @charlotte989875 - my BFF was doing childcare for her first granddaughter and enjoyed it.  When the couple had their second child, she was going to continue and then the parents decided to do daycare.  She still has the youngest 2 days a week and fills in when they can't go to dc but she is glad just to be grandma.  She said it was physically exhausting to watch them every day and she also wanted time to do errands/be home without child care responsibilities.  Explore day care options, make the decision and then talk to your Mom.  
    image
    charlotte989875ei34
  • I did not get my morning nap today but because I wasn't as exhausted as I anticipated. I did eventually need one before dinner.

    Tomorrow is International Day at DS's school. The kids are supposed to wear traditional clothes from their home country and bring a traditional food to share. I just have to laugh because, American. DS is going to wear jeans and a t-shirt and I am making apple pie bars. It was either that or hot dogs, lol.
    ei34
  • @charlotte989875 hugs to you.  I can't tell if part of your issue is a conflict with your mom's thoughts of how you should be doing things vs. how you are going to do them but you're not alone.  (I remember my mom coming with me to one of Chiquita's early appointments because she thought I should be giving her sugar water and did not believe me when I told her it was a bad idea.  Doc to the rescue put that idea to bed!)

    Grandparents, even those who were great parents often have an idea of how things are supposed to be done.  It's hard.

    And as someone who had her kids in daycare I can tell you it was SO GOOD for their socialization and care and additional training for sleep.
    mrsconn23
  • YAY @levioosa.  Boo to furnace issues @CharmedPam.   Good luck @charlotte989875
    with the daycare stuff and talking to mom.  That's tough stuff.  As a purple lover, that shoe is everything @""short+sassy"

    Back to winter today after 3 days of 60's.  Womp, womp. 

    We're starting to get a massive painting project under way.  We're hosting niece's local grad party in June (they live in GA, but most of the family is driving distance from here) and DH wants to have the entire house painted by then. I hate painting, so I'm very blah about it.  To be fair to him, we have painted two rooms in 7 years and our walls are the ugliest color of beige.   DH has started spackling and we're edging closer to the great paint fight debate. DH and I always go back and forth on paint colors.  We are pretty certain we're doing a wall of shiplap in our foyer where we'll put shelves and hang hooks for coats and bags.  Plus a storage bench with cubbies. 

    We're trying to pull together a couple friend-cations this fall.  We're possibly doing Cabo and the bourbon trail.  I already told DH that we better have $$$ set aside for bourbon purchases.  Mom's fave was Eagle Rare from Buffalo Trace and I'm down to one shot in the bottle I have and it's super hard to find locally.  So I plan to buy several bottles and maybe even a case.  

    SSDD otherwise.  
    levioosabanana468
  • ei34ei34 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Good luck having that talk @charlotte989875
    Love those shoes @short+sassy
    Congratulations on the job offer @levioosa! So deserved!
    Kids are at a morning gymnastics camp and I just got back from a facial, it was much needed and really nice.
    MissKittyDangershort+sassylevioosamissJeanLouise
  • @mrsconn23 I'll be a stowaway for your bourbon trail vacation.

    BIL has done that a few times and I really want to go.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE Weller and you cannot get it out here without buying online.  
    mrsconn23
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:
    YAY @levioosa.  Boo to furnace issues @CharmedPam.   Good luck @charlotte989875
    with the daycare stuff and talking to mom.  That's tough stuff.  As a purple lover, that shoe is everything @""short+sassy"

    Back to winter today after 3 days of 60's.  Womp, womp. 

    We're starting to get a massive painting project under way.  We're hosting niece's local grad party in June (they live in GA, but most of the family is driving distance from here) and DH wants to have the entire house painted by then. I hate painting, so I'm very blah about it.  To be fair to him, we have painted two rooms in 7 years and our walls are the ugliest color of beige.   DH has started spackling and we're edging closer to the great paint fight debate. DH and I always go back and forth on paint colors.  We are pretty certain we're doing a wall of shiplap in our foyer where we'll put shelves and hang hooks for coats and bags.  Plus a storage bench with cubbies. 

    We're trying to pull together a couple friend-cations this fall.  We're possibly doing Cabo and the bourbon trail.  I already told DH that we better have $$$ set aside for bourbon purchases.  Mom's fave was Eagle Rare from Buffalo Trace and I'm down to one shot in the bottle I have and it's super hard to find locally.  So I plan to buy several bottles and maybe even a case.  

    SSDD otherwise.  
    Yes welcome back winter! I love Eagle Rare and it is so hard to find. I had never had it until DD and I hosted a couple's baby shower for her HS BFF. They brought H a bottle of Eagle Rare and me some local honey. Heck I drink more Eagle Rare than he does. I wish our Total Wine carried it.
    mrsconn23banana468
  • I'm keeping an eye on today's weather.  The freezing rain wasn't supposed to hit until late afternoon, but it's already flurrying and the forecast changed the freezing rain to noon.  I'll probably at least work through lunch so I can leave at 4.

    Otherwise, SSDD.  It's just so cold here. Work is going well, finally starting to get caught up on everything that I missed from January.  I'm restless and bored at home, but it's so cold, I don't really have a social group anymore, and covid is still a thing, so I'm trying to find things to do.
  • banana468 said:
    @mrsconn23 I'll be a stowaway for your bourbon trail vacation.

    BIL has done that a few times and I really want to go.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE Weller and you cannot get it out here without buying online.  
    We went to bourbon country back when DefConn was a baby and only did Buffalo Trace and Woodford.  We toured both.  Four Roses was under major construction at the time.   I think we are going to try to hop around as much as possible.  We may book tours at a few places (if they are offered), but I think we're going to go for quantity this time.  A ton of distilleries have popped up in the last decade or so.  The older ones are the ones worth the tours because of the history. 

    Also, DH wants to go to Maker's Mark and dip our own bottles and that's off the beaten path.  I'm putting Weller on the list.  But if you get a chance, you should definitely try to do a bourbon trip.  It's a gorgeous area of the country.  

    Yes welcome back winter! I love Eagle Rare and it is so hard to find. I had never had it until DD and I hosted a couple's baby shower for her HS BFF. They brought H a bottle of Eagle Rare and me some local honey. Heck I drink more Eagle Rare than he does. I wish our Total Wine carried it.
    Yeah, it sucks that you can't find Eagle Rare here...even at Total Wine!! Ohh BTW, a good find there is Amador.  It's bourbon finished in Chardonnay barrels.  Everyone who we offered it to loved it.  My dad ran out and bought a bottle right away.  We need to go back to Total Wine for another bottle.  
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • I wonder if there are other Buffalo Trace items that are easier to get where you are.  Eagle Rare isn't so hard to get in CT but I'll have better luck hitting the lottery than finding Weller in a local packie (liquor store).  

    Since BIL is also a huge bourbon fan he's done the tours a few times and put his name on a Maker's Mark that came up a few years ago.  I would also like to dip our own bottle too.  I think the same company that owns Suntory now owns Maker's Mark so there's a lot of money being thrown at that distillery.

    As the kids age I want to go.  I cannot see taking them on that kind of a trip but I can see it being a fun long weekend especially if we can arrange for a sitter to watch them with their OH cousins. 
    mrsconn23
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sending you good vibes for the interview! @climbingsingle


    image
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 23
    @levioosa, belated congrats on the new job! I'm so excited for you!
    @STARMOON44, have you started your new one yet?

    I'm sending T&P for all of you all in the ice and snow. It's overcast but 70 here today. I'm so excited for spring!

    My godmother used to be a tour guide on the bourbon trail, but she retired with covid shut downs. We've only done the maker's/beam one because it's close to L'ville, but she used to randomly show up with interesting bottles from all around. I miss that. 
    levioosamrsconn23
  • banana468 said:
    I wonder if there are other Buffalo Trace items that are easier to get where you are.  Eagle Rare isn't so hard to get in CT but I'll have better luck hitting the lottery than finding Weller in a local packie (liquor store).  

    Since BIL is also a huge bourbon fan he's done the tours a few times and put his name on a Maker's Mark that came up a few years ago.  I would also like to dip our own bottle too.  I think the same company that owns Suntory now owns Maker's Mark so there's a lot of money being thrown at that distillery.

    As the kids age I want to go.  I cannot see taking them on that kind of a trip but I can see it being a fun long weekend especially if we can arrange for a sitter to watch them with their OH cousins. 
    DefConn definitely isn't coming with us on either trip.  I'm worried about leaving him twice in a tight timeframe, but we rarely do it.  Also, he'll be 11 and the Cabo trip (if it happens) will occur over his fall break, so he may end up with his cousins.  The bourbon weekend he can stay with FIL or my dad.  

    IDK why Eagle Rare availability is such an issue here.  I wonder if it has to do with our proximity to the area (it's only 2.5 hours away) and trying to boost their 'local' tourism.  That's just a guess though.  I know they ramped down production a few years ago because of upgrades/renovations.  
  • mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    I wonder if there are other Buffalo Trace items that are easier to get where you are.  Eagle Rare isn't so hard to get in CT but I'll have better luck hitting the lottery than finding Weller in a local packie (liquor store).  

    Since BIL is also a huge bourbon fan he's done the tours a few times and put his name on a Maker's Mark that came up a few years ago.  I would also like to dip our own bottle too.  I think the same company that owns Suntory now owns Maker's Mark so there's a lot of money being thrown at that distillery.

    As the kids age I want to go.  I cannot see taking them on that kind of a trip but I can see it being a fun long weekend especially if we can arrange for a sitter to watch them with their OH cousins. 
    DefConn definitely isn't coming with us on either trip.  I'm worried about leaving him twice in a tight timeframe, but we rarely do it.  Also, he'll be 11 and the Cabo trip (if it happens) will occur over his fall break, so he may end up with his cousins.  The bourbon weekend he can stay with FIL or my dad.  

    IDK why Eagle Rare availability is such an issue here.  I wonder if it has to do with our proximity to the area (it's only 2.5 hours away) and trying to boost their 'local' tourism.  That's just a guess though.  I know they ramped down production a few years ago because of upgrades/renovations.  
    I'm curious if it also has to do with the distributorship. Ex: years ago you couldn't get Yuengling in CT.  In the last 10 years it was something that could be purchased here.

    With the kiddos at 11 and 7 a "couples" vaca needs a sitter and if we're not doing something where OH was a home base then it's MIL and FIL that would watch the kids.  The only good way to do that is to go while school is in session or summer camp is and have the kids booked a full day so MIL/FIL only get the late afternoon/evening and are less likely to be exhausted.  We went to FL for DH's best friend's wedding in 2016 and I think MIL slept for 3 days after that long weekend. 
    mrsconn23
  • banana468 said:
    @charlotte989875 hugs to you.  I can't tell if part of your issue is a conflict with your mom's thoughts of how you should be doing things vs. how you are going to do them but you're not alone.  (I remember my mom coming with me to one of Chiquita's early appointments because she thought I should be giving her sugar water and did not believe me when I told her it was a bad idea.  Doc to the rescue put that idea to bed!)

    Grandparents, even those who were great parents often have an idea of how things are supposed to be done.  It's hard.

    And as someone who had her kids in daycare I can tell you it was SO GOOD for their socialization and care and additional training for sleep.
    Some of it is definitely that; she rolls her eyes when I say he has to sit down for a snack for example, but I think the bigger thing is that she doesn’t want to follow the sleep routine (putting him down and letting him fall asleep on his own), and will make comments on how it’s harder on her than it is for us, and generally say things like ‘grandmas shouldn’t have to do this’. 

    So that’s hard. And her health is not great which I want her to feel better but we’re feeling less comfortable with the impact of that on baby M. 
  • banana468 said:
    @charlotte989875 hugs to you.  I can't tell if part of your issue is a conflict with your mom's thoughts of how you should be doing things vs. how you are going to do them but you're not alone.  (I remember my mom coming with me to one of Chiquita's early appointments because she thought I should be giving her sugar water and did not believe me when I told her it was a bad idea.  Doc to the rescue put that idea to bed!)

    Grandparents, even those who were great parents often have an idea of how things are supposed to be done.  It's hard.

    And as someone who had her kids in daycare I can tell you it was SO GOOD for their socialization and care and additional training for sleep.
    Some of it is definitely that; she rolls her eyes when I say he has to sit down for a snack for example, but I think the bigger thing is that she doesn’t want to follow the sleep routine (putting him down and letting him fall asleep on his own), and will make comments on how it’s harder on her than it is for us, and generally say things like ‘grandmas shouldn’t have to do this’. 

    So that’s hard. And her health is not great which I want her to feel better but we’re feeling less comfortable with the impact of that on baby M. 
    That is hard.  And if she's watching him in your house the other hard part is that it's SUCH a mixed message for a kid to say that there are multiple sets of rules in his own place.  He's too young to get it.

    I'd have a hard CTJ about "this is harder for her than it is for you" because I had bad sleepers and I had the bouts of fighting a kid for two hours and not eating until 10 PM only wake up at 2 AM and be up til 3:30 fighting a toddler.  We HAD to put those parameters in place because WE weren't sleeping.  WE were up in the middle of the night for HOURS and then expected to work a 40+ hour work week plus commute and were tired.  It wasn't good for our physical health, our mental health and it surely wasn't good for our marriage.    

    Hugs.  No one wants to have the bad conversation but from what you've stated, your mom's caretaking style is to make life harder for you when she's off duty.   If she wants to solely be a grandmother then she has to not be a caretaker.   IMO you can't have it both ways.  If you want to be the lady who gives ice cream sundaes for breakfast and a snuggle co-sleep for naptime then that's reserved for the rare sleepover visit but not for regular work days.
    mrsconn23charlotte989875
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    @charlotte989875 hugs to you.  I can't tell if part of your issue is a conflict with your mom's thoughts of how you should be doing things vs. how you are going to do them but you're not alone.  (I remember my mom coming with me to one of Chiquita's early appointments because she thought I should be giving her sugar water and did not believe me when I told her it was a bad idea.  Doc to the rescue put that idea to bed!)

    Grandparents, even those who were great parents often have an idea of how things are supposed to be done.  It's hard.

    And as someone who had her kids in daycare I can tell you it was SO GOOD for their socialization and care and additional training for sleep.
    Some of it is definitely that; she rolls her eyes when I say he has to sit down for a snack for example, but I think the bigger thing is that she doesn’t want to follow the sleep routine (putting him down and letting him fall asleep on his own), and will make comments on how it’s harder on her than it is for us, and generally say things like ‘grandmas shouldn’t have to do this’. 

    So that’s hard. And her health is not great which I want her to feel better but we’re feeling less comfortable with the impact of that on baby M. 
    That is hard.  And if she's watching him in your house the other hard part is that it's SUCH a mixed message for a kid to say that there are multiple sets of rules in his own place.  He's too young to get it.

    I'd have a hard CTJ about "this is harder for her than it is for you" because I had bad sleepers and I had the bouts of fighting a kid for two hours and not eating until 10 PM only wake up at 2 AM and be up til 3:30 fighting a toddler.  We HAD to put those parameters in place because WE weren't sleeping.  WE were up in the middle of the night for HOURS and then expected to work a 40+ hour work week plus commute and were tired.  It wasn't good for our physical health, our mental health and it surely wasn't good for our marriage.    

    Hugs.  No one wants to have the bad conversation but from what you've stated, your mom's caretaking style is to make life harder for you when she's off duty.   If she wants to solely be a grandmother then she has to not be a caretaker.   IMO you can't have it both ways.  If you want to be the lady who gives ice cream sundaes for breakfast and a snuggle co-sleep for naptime then that's reserved for the rare sleepover visit but not for regular work days.
    This is exactly what was happening with our sleep situation and it was not good. The consultant has helped immensely and he’s been sleeping through the night! It’s so good. So it’s hard when she says she’s not going to do and it’s harder for her. It’s not. It’s hard for me. 

    And the boldest is exactly it. When he was an infant there were basically no rules besides keep him alive. But he’s getting older, he’s learning things, and there needs to be consistency or else it’s way too confusing for him. 

    Thank you for this because it makes me feel like I’m not crazy for being frustrated by this. We’re visiting a daycare tomorrow. 
    banana468mrsconn23ei34
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    @charlotte989875 hugs to you.  I can't tell if part of your issue is a conflict with your mom's thoughts of how you should be doing things vs. how you are going to do them but you're not alone.  (I remember my mom coming with me to one of Chiquita's early appointments because she thought I should be giving her sugar water and did not believe me when I told her it was a bad idea.  Doc to the rescue put that idea to bed!)

    Grandparents, even those who were great parents often have an idea of how things are supposed to be done.  It's hard.

    And as someone who had her kids in daycare I can tell you it was SO GOOD for their socialization and care and additional training for sleep.
    Some of it is definitely that; she rolls her eyes when I say he has to sit down for a snack for example, but I think the bigger thing is that she doesn’t want to follow the sleep routine (putting him down and letting him fall asleep on his own), and will make comments on how it’s harder on her than it is for us, and generally say things like ‘grandmas shouldn’t have to do this’. 

    So that’s hard. And her health is not great which I want her to feel better but we’re feeling less comfortable with the impact of that on baby M. 
    That is hard.  And if she's watching him in your house the other hard part is that it's SUCH a mixed message for a kid to say that there are multiple sets of rules in his own place.  He's too young to get it.

    I'd have a hard CTJ about "this is harder for her than it is for you" because I had bad sleepers and I had the bouts of fighting a kid for two hours and not eating until 10 PM only wake up at 2 AM and be up til 3:30 fighting a toddler.  We HAD to put those parameters in place because WE weren't sleeping.  WE were up in the middle of the night for HOURS and then expected to work a 40+ hour work week plus commute and were tired.  It wasn't good for our physical health, our mental health and it surely wasn't good for our marriage.    

    Hugs.  No one wants to have the bad conversation but from what you've stated, your mom's caretaking style is to make life harder for you when she's off duty.   If she wants to solely be a grandmother then she has to not be a caretaker.   IMO you can't have it both ways.  If you want to be the lady who gives ice cream sundaes for breakfast and a snuggle co-sleep for naptime then that's reserved for the rare sleepover visit but not for regular work days.
    This is exactly what was happening with our sleep situation and it was not good. The consultant has helped immensely and he’s been sleeping through the night! It’s so good. So it’s hard when she says she’s not going to do and it’s harder for her. It’s not. It’s hard for me. 

    And the boldest is exactly it. When he was an infant there were basically no rules besides keep him alive. But he’s getting older, he’s learning things, and there needs to be consistency or else it’s way too confusing for him. 

    Thank you for this because it makes me feel like I’m not crazy for being frustrated by this. We’re visiting a daycare tomorrow. 
    Good Luck.  I get it.  The grandma may want to say "if you want my free help you do it at my way" in the way a consultant can say to an employer that they are not totally subject to the employer's rules.

    But with that needs to come the understanding of Grandma how horrible YOU feel.  And I am such a firm believer that early toddlerhood was far worse at bedtime and in the middle of the night when kiddo wouldn't understand "Go to sleep you little son of a mother f*cker" because they're babies.  But they DO get confused and start to wonder why on Tuesday afternoon they don't have to go to sleep like they need to do on Tuesday night. 

    The other part is that a moving kid tires out a grandparent.  It is relatively easier when they don't move.  The day is a snugglefest or place kid in exercise containment device.  Once they are crawling and then walking they need to be on the go and grandma needs to be on the go and at naptimes the grandparents are worn out.  But the solution is not to deviate from the rules.  The solution is to say, "Thanks but this is not the new full time job for me." 
    charlotte989875mrsconn23ei34
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards