Yes, this is weird.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I recently moved to a new state a few thousand miles away. My family and I found a home online and randomly moved next door to a guy from our previous town with a relative who works at my previous office. Small world. He’s been nice and recently gave our family a Christmas gift. I would like to reciprocate, but he left town the next day and didn’t get back until after New Year. I feel weird giving a Christmas gift that late. Would it be weird if I gave him Juneteenth cookies? The better half says it would be weird. I think it would be weird to give him a Valentine’s gift, and I don’t want to wait until the 4th of July. Also, part two, would sugar cookies with Pan-African flag icing be a good Juneteenth cookie? Advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you for your time.

— Cul-de-sac of Confused Caucasians

banana468

Why on earth is the LW pushing for some kind of gift that is culturally significant?  
This is weird and trying WAY too hard.

Find out if the guy eats chocolate or drinks and go with something nice and edible. 

mrsconn23

This is not what people want when they're looking for allies.  Good lord, gift him non-descript cookies because it's Thursday.  INVITE THE MAN TO DINNER AND GET TO KNOW HIM, then give him a gift that are within his interests. .  UGHHH. 

 I cannot with this kind of white nonsense.  Do not perform wokeness.  It's offensive. 

levioosa

This nonsense. I cannot. 

charlotte989875

The caucacity of this letter. 

Invite your neighbor to dinner. Get to know them. Don’t make that dinner anywhere close to the awkwardness of this letter. 

climbingsingle

What the everloving fuck? 

Just bake him some damn cookies and bring them over? Why does it need to be tied to a holiday? 

mrsconn23

Also, dear god listen to your partner.  They seem to have sense.  In fact, why not let them arrange dinner plans (or whatever) and lead the conversation. 

You observe and learn how to have a normal human interaction. /s (mostly, but really only a little).  

MyNameIsNot

This sounds like a set up for a sitcom or an SNL sketch. 

I'd say give him whatever you'd have given for christmas late, but it's probably some obnoxious kwanza ornament. Tuesday cookies are always appreciated. Too bad you missed national margarita day.

banana468

MyNameIsNot said:

This sounds like a set up for a sitcom or an SNL sketch. 

I'd say give him whatever you'd have given for christmas late, but it's probably some obnoxious kwanza ornament. Tuesday cookies are always appreciated. Too bad you missed national margarita day.

Charlotte Goldenblatt!

mrsconn23

I'm full of rage today and this letter is extra annoying because it's such a stupid, stupid thought process. 

LW if your neighbor was white, what would you do about this gift giving?  Why is this such a conundrum for you?  Do you not see how this is 'othering' this guy because you don't see him as a human first and instead see his appearance/color of his skin?  Also, why are you assuming anything about his heritage? What would you do if he brought you green beer on St. Paddy's day because he assumes all white people are Irish and you're (insert white nationality) instead?  

This letter is such unbearable and awkward whiteness and why POC or marginalized people will call entire swaths of white people Karens and Chads.  This is what people refer to when they talk about 'nice' white people. 

short+sassy

mrsconn23 said:

I'm full of rage today and this letter is extra annoying because it's such a stupid, stupid thought process. 

LW if your neighbor was white, what would you do about this gift giving?  Why is this such a conundrum for you?  Do you not see how this is 'othering' this guy because you don't see him as a human first and instead see his appearance/color of his skin?  Also, why are you assuming anything about his heritage? What would you do if he brought you green beer on St. Paddy's day because he assumes all white people are Irish and you're (insert white nationality) instead?  

This letter is such unbearable and awkward whiteness and why POC or marginalized people will call entire swaths of white people Karens and Chads.  This is what people refer to when they talk about 'nice' white people. 

Ummm...my ancestry isn't Irish at all, but I wouldn't mind a gift of green beer on St. Paddy's day!  Or any day for that matter, lol.  While true, I'm joking and totally understand and agree with your point.

Is there a type of cookie the area (or broad area nearby) that they both originally came from is known for?  Bake those and bring them over any time.

Like, "Hey Neighbor, do you miss Main Street Bakery back in Old Town as much as I do?  I've been craving their caramel apple snickerdoodles and baked some up.  I brought some over for you also."

banana468

As someone Irish I'm down for a green beer if it's decent but FFS stop with all the mint=St. Patrick's Day stuff. 

How many mint dishes are in your local Irish Pub?    

mrsconn23

LOL @banana468. I love the rage against mint.  

flantastic

banana468 said:

As someone Irish I'm down for a green beer if it's decent but FFS stop with all the mint=St. Patrick's Day stuff. 

How many mint dishes are in your local Irish Pub?    

LOL but this is my MIL. We all now have FIL's Irish last name, and she's adopted being Irish (even though she's basically entirely German herself) as a personality trait. In its tackiest form. And so she thinks that we all need the "Irish" home decor.

banana468

flantastic said:

banana468 said:

As someone Irish I'm down for a green beer if it's decent but FFS stop with all the mint=St. Patrick's Day stuff. 

How many mint dishes are in your local Irish Pub?    

LOL but this is my MIL. We all now have FIL's Irish last name, and she's adopted being Irish (even though she's basically entirely German herself) as a personality trait. In its tackiest form. And so she thinks that we all need the "Irish" home decor.

Hey, my pillow covers are coming out this weekend and I'm going to get green for the month of St. Patrick's Day!  My shamrock tattoo says it's all good!

But I try to keep it fairly authentic (even though corned beef and cabbage isn't an Irish meal) and to how my family celebrated.

Funny story - every year my grandparents had a St. Patrick's Day party and the tradition continued until the year my Grandma passed.  We had it a few years at our house until the pandemic hit.  At Grandma's house she'd have the Irish music on her record player or tape deck and it would be the OLD guys you never knew with a thick accent singing their sad tunes about losing beautiful girls to disease or men going to war.  My mom's oldest brother walked in and said, "Do you know why the Irish left Ireland?  This music!" 

CharmedPam

But there’s other holidays between Valentines Day and Juneteenth.  If you don’t want to go religious with Easter - there’s St. Patrick’s Day? 

banana468

Also, I WILL say that I do dislike the concept and characterization of St. Patrick's Day as an excuse to be an intoxicated belligerent jerk as a characterization of the Irish.   Let's embrace our warmth and sarcasm please! 

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

But there’s other holidays between Valentines Day and Juneteenth.  If you don’t want to go religious with Easter - there’s St. Patrick’s Day? 

Yeah!  Mardi Gras is this Tuesday.  Some sugar cookies iced up in purple, green, or gold.  The LW is all set.

I suppose it's technically a semi-religious holiday.  Because it's always the day before Ash Wednesday, which is the start of Lent.  But people don't usually think of it as a religious holiday, so I think MG-related cookies would be safe.

I have never, in my 20+ years of living in NOLA, heard someone say, "Oh, thank you, but I don't celebrate the Mardi Gras season because I'm not Christian."   

geebee908

short+sassy said:

CharmedPam said:

But there’s other holidays between Valentines Day and Juneteenth.  If you don’t want to go religious with Easter - there’s St. Patrick’s Day? 

Yeah!  Mardi Gras is this Tuesday.  Some sugar cookies iced up in purple, green, or gold.  The LW is all set.

I suppose it's technically a semi-religious holiday.  Because it's always the day before Ash Wednesday, which is the start of Lent.  But people don't usually think of it as a religious holiday, so I think MG-related cookies would be safe.

I have never, in my 20+ years of living in NOLA, heard someone say, "Oh, thank you, but I don't celebrate the Mardi Gras season because I'm not Christian."   

Yes, Mardi Gras and Carnival were traditionally the days leading up to Ash Wednesday where you'd be cleaning out the cupboards of all the foods from which you were fasting for Lent. Carne val means goodbye meat in Latin.

downtondiva

banana468 said:

Also, I WILL say that I do dislike the concept and characterization of St. Patrick's Day as an excuse to be an intoxicated belligerent jerk as a characterization of the Irish.   Let's embrace our warmth and sarcasm please! 

THANK YOU!!!! I am SO tired of people acting like the primary characteristic of the Irish is drunkenness.

And I have to agree with you about mint too - I like mint, but being green doesn't make it Irish! 

VarunaTT

I read the letter a few times and I'm not sure of the race of either person, TBH (though the question about the flag makes me think it's at least LW is white b/c that's some miseducation about Juneteenth).

Also, just give the gift late.  "Hey, sorry, you were out of town and I wanted to also give you a Christmas gift, but it was fresh cookies, so I had to make sure you were here" is not that hard.  Or just, "Hey, here's some cookies thank you for the warm welcome".  LW is making far too big of an ordeal out of this.