Al/Nar-Anon?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

Our mother died in 2015, and since then my family has disintegrated. My father has gone off the deep end (“I only sleep during the daylight hours now”), my brother is MIA, and my sister has become even more dependent on alcohol, cannabis, and hard drugs (cocaine and ecstasy) to cope. Slowly I am coming to terms with the fact that I cannot and never will have a relationship with my father or my brother, but my sister and I were always close. I have tried to maintain communication and a good relationship with her, but the drugs and alcohol are getting in the way—our conversations are circular, she won’t respond to texts or calls for months at a time, her memory of things is absent or tangled. I know she is struggling HARD with addiction (as I also have in the past), but I also know that saying something to her about it may make her feel judged and push her away further. I am scared for her physical and mental health, and I am worried that the damage caused by so many years of drug and alcohol abuse will fundamentally change her. Should I talk to her about my concerns or continue to avoid the topic? I’m having trouble accepting that I may be the only person in my family who is ok after my mom’s death.

— 13+ Steps

MissKittyDanger

1 therapy for LW 
2 - Al/Anon-Nar would help or speak to someone about dealing with family with these issues - like a mental health counsellor

short+sassy

MissKittyDanger said:

1 therapy for LW 
2 - Al/Anon-Nar would help or speak to someone about dealing with family with these issues - like a mental health counsellor

Plus a therapist might help the LW with words to use in broaching this subject with her sister.

I think the LW should say something.  As non-judgmental as they can make it.  Perhaps initially focusing more on their concern about their sister's grief.  Encourage the sister to go to grief counseling with them.  If she agrees to that, during counseling they can talk about the sister's turning more to drugs and alcohol and broach if she wants help.  The LW could talk about their own struggles with addiction and offer to go to meetings with her.

But the LW also needs to remember that the sister needs to decide she needs help and wants to seek it out.  Addiction is hard enough to overcome, even for people who are very motivated to do it.  It's usually not going to work for someone who isn't ready.  Open the door for the sister, but don't push her through it.

MissKittyDanger

short+sassy said:

MissKittyDanger said:

1 therapy for LW 
2 - Al/Anon-Nar would help or speak to someone about dealing with family with these issues - like a mental health counsellor

Plus a therapist might help the LW with words to use in broaching this subject with her sister.

I think the LW should say something.  As non-judgmental as they can make it.  Perhaps initially focusing more on their concern about their sister's grief.  Encourage the sister to go to grief counseling with them.  If she agrees to that, during counseling they can talk about the sister's turning more to drugs and alcohol and broach if she wants help.  The LW could talk about their own struggles with addiction and offer to go to meetings with her.

But the LW also needs to remember that the sister needs to decide she needs help and wants to seek it out.  Addiction is hard enough to overcome, even for people who are very motivated to do it.  It's usually not going to work for someone who isn't ready.  Open the door for the sister, but don't push her through it.

Idk if LW's sister would listen given situation.
I think LW needs to understand situation first if they're going to talk to family about it - make sure they understand if sister lashes out, etc it's for xyz and LW can do ABC to help diffuse it etc