Classic: Your wife deserves better than you.

mrsconn23

I am currently in marriage counseling with my wife after she discovered my three-year-long relationship with another woman. After a lot of soul-searching, I truly want to make the marriage work and ended my affair with “Sandy” for good. The problem we have is Sandy’s son, “John.” Sandy has been a single mother most of her life and I am the only father figure he’s known. John and I developed a bond over the years and I feel as though it would be cruel to cut him out of my life because I am no longer in a relationship with his mother…

CharmedPam

Sorry, it was hard to concentrate on reading this letter with the sound if the train wreck I heard in the background.

mrsconn23

Dude, wtf?  Like...for real.  What the ever loving fuck?

Leave her, now.  You are not invested in this marriage.  You basically had a second family situation going on.  

You can't have a relationship with this kid and your marriage.  I'd love to see your wife's reaction to you even trying to justify why you feel you need to, because I'd hope it would be laughing in your face and then heading out to find a lawyer post-haste.  

climbingsingle

What a piece of garbage. 

Leave your wife and let her have a happy life without you. 

short+sassy

It's shocking enough your wife is working on the marriage with you.  I doubt she is going to be okay with you still spending time with your supposed-ex mistress for her son's sake.

Think about how you'd even ask that question, "No, honey, really!  No more sex with Sandy.  I'll just be there sometimes to be a father-figure to John.  I know I lied thousands of times over 3 years and basically had a second family.  But this time I MEAN IT because I want to work on our marriage."

Which is even assuming Sandy would let you anywhere near her child, after the "break up".

You're obviously a massively shitty person to your wife.  But you were also a massively shitty person to John.  You shouldn't have gotten close to him, knowing that you were never going to leave your wife for Sandy.  Of course it was going to end someday.

And I hope Sandy makes better choices in the future, for her son.

MissKittyDanger

You cheat on your wife.
Wife finds out.
You go to counseling.
Decide you want marriage to work.

Later explain you bonded with other woman's son.

You are the AH here

mrsconn23

short+sassy said:

It's shocking enough your wife is working on the marriage with you.  I doubt she is going to be okay with you still spending time with your supposed-ex mistress for her son's sake.

Think about how you'd even ask that question, "No, honey, really!  No more sex with Sandy.  I'll just be there sometimes to be a father-figure to John.  I know I lied thousands of times over 3 years and basically had a second family.  But this time I MEAN IT because I want to work on our marriage."

Which is even assuming Sandy would let you anywhere near her child, after the "break up".

You're obviously a massively shitty person to your wife.  But you were also a massively shitty person to John.  You shouldn't have gotten close to him, knowing that you were never going to leave your wife for Sandy.  Of course it was going to end someday.

And I hope Sandy makes better choices in the future, for her son.

I agree with this, but I don't want to come down too hard on Sandy.  It's entirely possible that LW didn't let her know he had a wife.  Sandy may be as much of a victim as LW's wife and John are.  Ugh.  

LW is the absolute worst. 

kerbohl

Are we sure he isn't using John as a reason to still be part of Sandy's life?  And you know, while he is over there hanging out with John...

I agree with PP, cut the wife loose, she deserves better.