I (a gay guy in my 30s, living in the Midwest) have been dating a delightful man for almost a year. Here’s the problem: It bothers him that I don’t drive. I’ve never learned how, because I have a ton of anxiety around it. This is something I’m slowly working on, but I can’t fix it overnight. I’m pretty self-sufficient (work from home, use public transit or Uber, etc.), and the only time I’ve gotten a ride with him is when we’ve traveled far away for a date. I was very upfront with him about this from the beginning, but he seems more bothered by it recently. He has shared his fear that I’ll become dependent on him for transportation, and he wants us to create a timetable with “deadlines” for my learning to drive.
I’m pretty upset about this. I feel like I’m being given an ultimatum: Either fix this aspect of yourself or we’ll break up. Beyond that, learning to drive is something I really feel like I have to do for myself—not because someone is forcing me to do it. This has made me wonder if we could ever have any kind of future together. I guess my question is: should I trust my instincts about this relationship, or am I being unreasonable for not easing his concerns about my inability to drive?
— Baby, You Can’t Drive My Car