Dear Prudence,
I had a really, really dumb fling with my wife’s sister before we were married. I was 17 at the time, my girlfriend (Anna) was 18 and her sister (Bec) was 16. Bec and I hooked up when we were both high and drunk. It was nothing. A one-off mistake. Bec is not even into men, and she has never been my type. Anna and I had a fight and weren’t speaking, bumped into Bec at a party whose first girl crush just rejected her, and one thing led to another. We regretted it when sober and vowed to never mention it.
Five months later, we found out she was pregnant. She had no idea. Until she started getting pains in her side and went to the doctor, and she hadn’t gotten a period yet (her family are late bloomers, her sister didn’t start getting periods until she was 17, same with their mom apparently). Bec said she did not want kids, especially at 16, but it was too late for an abortion. She pretended it was a random guy, and her family supported her through a closed adoption in another state. Anna and I went on to get married four years later and had three kids of our own. Bec married a lovely woman, Sarah, and they also had two kids, carried one each. The four of us and our four kids were close and still are—the only reason I use were is that Bec passed away a year ago. Her kids are teens, and she died in her 40s from COVID.
Three weeks ago, a young man came looking for his mom. Bec never told her wife and kids about her son she put up for adoption. Anna and I didn’t tell them either: Not our story to tell. (I never told Anna about the one-night stand.)
The kid, Henry, has apparently had a good life and loves his adoptive family but is looking for his roots. He was able to access his birth records when he was 18, but it took him a while to track her down. No father was listed. He’s been saying with Sarah and the kids; they were in shock, but they are a lovely family and have really taken to him. Sarah is treating him like her step-son, which is lovely. But he has been asking about his dad. Anna knows nothing as Bec refused to talk. She firmly told her sister she was a lesbian and her one mistake with a man wasn’t going to define her. Sarah knows nothing, she didn’t even know about Henry. She was hurt over that, but her love for Bec is stronger than that. My kids actually suggested to Henry he do a DNA test; my kids and Sarah’s kids have both jumped on board and reckon they are all going to order test kits together with Henry “for fun.” I am in a fucking panic.
I love my wife and family. I have it so good. Can I really be ruined for a mistake I made 30 years ago as a stupid drunk kid? We have three young/teen kids, they deserve to have a happy, non-broken family. What can I do to stop this DNA test? I’m thinking of inventing a fake father. Saying Bec told me about him but didn’t want anyone to know as he was a bad guy. Maybe if Henry thinks his dad is a seedy asshole, he won’t bother looking. Or will that blow up in my face? He seems like a nice kid, and I know he wants to stick around to get to know his mom’s two kids, his step-mom and his cousins, but I just need him out of here. How can I make him go away? Without revealing the truth? I’ve been nice but a bit distant to him.
I reckon he looks like me. No one else has noticed though, thank Christ.
— Mistakes Won’t Stay Away