Wedding Woes

Classic: Take your child and run far away from this person.

I love my fiancée, Janet, but I have concerns about the way she treats my 8-year-old daughter, Carly. The three of us recently went to a local water park. I gave in and allowed Janet to pay, but I was concerned because Janet gives gifts with strings attached. When Carly refused to go on any of the “scary” water slides, Janet complained bitterly and said she wasn’t getting value for her money. I’m concerned that Carly is more mature and honest about her own feelings than Janet is. Carly told me, “Daddy, I’m terrified of heights, I don’t want to go, and if you make me it’ll be really cruel of you.” Janet was unmoved and continued to sulk and make snide comments. Because we can’t have children, Janet wants us to adopt after we marry, but I’m reluctant to bring any more children into the picture until Janet has resolved her issues. What should I do?

Re: Classic: Take your child and run far away from this person.

  • Break up with Janet and protect your child. 
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If this is a pattern of behavior you need to end it with her.   If you think that a grown adult can't be mature about her feelings that involve a kid then you shouldn't be with that person forget marrying them. 
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why would you want to marry a person like this!?!?
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You should have cut Janet off when she put the first string on a gift to Carly.  Janet will not change and should not parent any children, step or adopted.  
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Janet’s a grown ass woman?  This is a question. 

  • ei34ei34 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A classic Prudie always makes me wish for an update.  I'm hoping this one involves LW and Carly far, far away from Janet.
  • Agree with others.

    But another question I have is why didn't Janet just go on the rides she wanted to.  Everything doesn't need to be in "lock-step" with the people she is with.  The LW and Carly could have either waited for her nearby on a ride, here and there, if the line wasn't too long.

    Or they could have split up for an hour or so, while Janet went on the bigger rides, ie let's meet back at the Lazy River at 2:00.

    Not that hard and a much better option that sulking, whining, intimidating a child, and ruining everyone's day.  
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't think it's so much that Janet wanted to go on the ride. I think she wanted Carly to ride it because she's challenging her for being scared or whatever. Sort of like people who will not drop it when they want you to taste this food that you hate. She's a bully.
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Benefit of the doubt, Janet is "We're all the perfect parent before we have kids" and doesn't know how to respect the child's boundary nor to help the child grow past the fear of heights!  Also, 8 is pretty young and small for some of those types of water slides, SNS, pushing a kid before they're ready for that type of thing can also have fear of water implications. 

    The gifts with strings part is the red flag because this is a consistent behavior and the red flag to say "LW, good friend, but Janet is not mate material!"...

  • Don't marry someone who is mean to your kid. The end.
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