Wedding Woes

I want to stay a regular Jane and date someone who's not your average Joe.

Dear Prudence,

For a while, I’ve been dating someone who is somewhat famous. He has no ambition of becoming any more famous than he is, but it is still required due to his job and is a slight burden on him. At first, I thought it would just be a fling, but he’s talking about getting more serious. We’ve kept our relationship mostly private, so I’ve stayed out of the public eye, and I want to keep it that way. I want absolutely no fame. I think it causes only trouble. I’m at a weird place mentally. My close friends keep telling me that I might regret not dating him because we are an amazing fit, and to some extent I’ve internalized that, but here’s the problem: I regret all of the major decisions I have made in the past 10 years.

These were not poorly thought-out decisions, and they sort of seemed good on paper. But far too slowly, I realized that the situations I had found myself in had become toxic and that these decisions had ruined every area of my life, some of which will be ruined forever. Then, along came this guy, and some of those areas got better. But I’m worried that being in the lime light will end up causing things to be worse by the end. That it will make certain areas of my life, like my career and health, worse. It’s not like I can reverse the decision, either. Once it’s out that I’m his love-interest (something the media seems very interested in knowing), I can’t take that back. Any future employers will always see that if they Google me, whether we remain together or not. I’m worried about being threatened or doxed online, not because I’ve done anything wrong, but because some people are just horrible. So I guess what I’m asking is whether you think I’m overthinking and being unreasonable. Is it idiotic to give up such a good guy for the possibility that, in the end, it would make my life even worse than it was before?

— Romance Ruined

Re: I want to stay a regular Jane and date someone who's not your average Joe.

  • LW-You need a life coach.

    Also, being with someone famous does not mean you're out too.   I think you seem to be making this to be a bigger problem than it truly is. 


  • I think LW should talk to someone, but this is actually not a way off-base concern or fear to have, IMO.  DH and I actually just had a conversation yesterday because I saw a blurb about how Katy Perry apparently lives in KY now and gave an interview about how living away from the machine of Hollywood brings a ton of perspective.  Sure, it can seem a bit navel-gazey...but being famous or having notoriety definitely seems exhausting.  I've told DH a million times that I'd rather have $$$ and anonymity than fame, especially since when you're for real famous, your earning potential is tied to feeding the beast. 

    Anyway, being a regular person who is then the subject of scrutiny or speculation is definitely a an anxiety-inducing scenario.  But if LW really likes this person, then they should get some outside perspective.  Not only a life coach/therapist, but they should talk to their partner.  Famous people have people, so if this person is truly has some level of fame, then they should have a publicist or what have you.  Ask him to talk to his people.  Have them get ahead and do the 'oppo' research.  Also go back through your social media, give them a once over and don't be afraid of that delete button. 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    I think LW should talk to someone, but this is actually not a way off-base concern or fear to have, IMO.  DH and I actually just had a conversation yesterday because I saw a blurb about how Katy Perry apparently lives in KY now and gave an interview about how living away from the machine of Hollywood brings a ton of perspective.  Sure, it can seem a bit navel-gazey...but being famous or having notoriety definitely seems exhausting.  I've told DH a million times that I'd rather have $$$ and anonymity than fame, especially since when you're for real famous, your earning potential is tied to feeding the beast. 

    Anyway, being a regular person who is then the subject of scrutiny or speculation is definitely a an anxiety-inducing scenario.  But if LW really likes this person, then they should get some outside perspective.  Not only a life coach/therapist, but they should talk to their partner.  Famous people have people, so if this person is truly has some level of fame, then they should have a publicist or what have you.  Ask him to talk to his people.  Have them get ahead and do the 'oppo' research.  Also go back through your social media, give them a once over and don't be afraid of that delete button. 
    I'm also thinking of the alleged Anna Kendrick / Bill Hader situation and I've never seen a photo of them together that wasn't press for Noelle.  
  • It's possible to have your relationship out of the limelight when only one half is famous.  It's going to take care.  I'm 1000% sure that semi-famous person should have someone on their management team who will know how to handle this.  There are always little articles floating around about "this famous person's other half you don't know" and they do appear to be the more happy couples.

    It's also okay to not want to deal with it at all and break up.  But if LW really feels like they might be missing out, take the chance.
  • If you are serious about this boyfriend, talk to him about your concerns and perhaps also have a chat with his "people" about not wanting your relationship used for publicity and wanting to lead a more private life. Plenty of celebrities date and marry people who aren't in show business and aren't looking to be famous themselves. (Dolly Parton's been married to the same man for 50 years - he owned a paving business and never had much interest in publicity or going to Hollywood events, and it seems to have worked for them.) 

    As for regrets and bad decisions, that's really a separate issue that you need to discuss with a therapist and/or life coach. 
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  • I agree with MyName. And I am very curious.

    But what level famous do we think the partner is? Tik tok famous? Local radio DJ famous? 
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