Wedding Woes

Heartbreak Wednesday

No words to describe yesterday and the aftermath today.
Hug your kids.

Re: Heartbreak Wednesday

  • I’m just so fucking angry. 
  • I'm fully exhausted today, emotionally and because my stupid allergies are making me cough all night (because of the drip and yes, I'm trying to keep myself propped). 

    Anyway I normally feel some sort of way about summer break because I do love having school stuff off my plate, but there's also a lack of ever being alone that makes me start to itch after a couple weeks.  Also DefConn does like to venture out and about with his friends, so I have to remember what time I told him to be home and just the plain stress of him being out of my sight.  But I seriously had a struggle putting him on the bus this morning and telling him to have a good day. I'm relived that I only have to do it again tomorrow and then get a 2 month break from that particular stress.  

    I'm not even sure if he knows about yesterday because we didn't discuss it last night with him.  Hell, DH and I didn't even talk about it.  I just have no words. There's not really any to be said that haven't already been said...over and over and over, every time this happens.  

    I wonder if being an adult has always been internally screaming and wondering what fresh horror is around the corner while you go about the daily living you have to do to survive in the world (while wondering if you will survive to see the next day?).  IDK, it's just felt like that for years and the internal screaming is just getting louder.  

    Anyway, just had therapy.  Today's my Thursday.  We are going to see Top Gun on Friday night.  DH bought our advance tickets. 
  • @mrsconn23 I have a very good friend who is a military child and wife.  She told me, after a discussion about something very similar to what you're feeling, that this reminded her of military spouses who are sitting together to deal with war.  "You don't have the same reference I do, but this feels exactly like when a bunch of military spouses huddle together during a deployment and just fill each other's coffee cups, because what else can be done?"  I can't even muster up the energy to be angry anymore, for reasons both personal and public.

    I blew my entire top at work 3 times yesterday, once at the managing partner.  I flat out told him, "If you want to fire me, fire me.  My voice sounds stressed because this is now #901 on top of 900 other shitshows today, but I will call and deal with this client in a friendly manner because I'm a professional who knows how to do my job. I don't need you to tell me what to do."  He just said okay and walked away.  Later, I was a professional and I did my job and smoothed things over with the client.  I'm done with everything in the background and I'll just do what I'm told.  Right now, with stuff going on with my dad and personal life, this is where I'm staying but my boundaries are hard and firm about what I am going and not going to do/take.
  • Oh @levioosa, I'm glad you are working again...but ugh.  
  • ei34 said:
    It really is heartbreaking.  I'm not even angry, just exhausted.  I know it's too much to ask but it'd really be something if the GOP posse who have problems with certain books and the word gay could focus more on kids making it home from school.  And if the adults who start sentences with the fist-shaking "kids these days..." could stop bc they don't know how hard kids these days actually have it, that'd also be great.  Fine, I guess I am angry too.  But mostly exhausted and sad.  
    This sums up how I feel also.  Along with powerless.

    I'm also sad about some new developments at work and I've been thinking a lot about it today, because I just found out this morning.  It might be the final push to start looking for another job.  The current "big boss" (J) is a really intimidating and strict guy.  But I rarely have to talk to him and, overall, he's also fair and lenient in a couple of important ways (for me).  I'm kind of afraid of him, lol.  But I also know how to work with him.

    However, the project support myself...are going to have a new "big boss" (T) soon.  I think he is actually J's boss.  I've met him briefly a couple times and he gives off a humorless, unfriendly vibe.  One of my other coworkers worked under him for awhile with a different client.  She said he is awful to work for.  She said he is very micromanaging and critical.  I've worked for people like that before and its miserable

    I know I'm jumping the gun that it's going to be horrible and I'll be unhappy.  But I trust this coworker's opinion.  I already want a WFH or hybrid position anyway.  I'm thinking after I come back from my trip next month, I should start looking for that.  One of the biggest reasons I've stayed at this job is because I have a lot of independence.  I get my work done and nobody bugs me.

    I'm not sure when this change will happen.  Sounds like it may not be for a few more months.  T wants to meet with each of us individually, so he can better understand our job roles and all that.  Not sure when those meetings will start happening either.  Maybe I'll have a better idea of which path I want to take, after our meeting.  Hopefully it's soon.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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