Thursday

VarunaTT

Oh man, we lost another paralegal last night and this one is a doozy.  I'm fairly sure another one is about to leave and it'll also be a doozy.  IDK what it's going to take to get through to the managing partner that his business model relied on paralegals to work (honestly standard for the field) and he doesn't have enough paralegals to work the model.  In the meantime, this is me at work:



I've done a lot of thinking and realistically, I suspect this place might be pulling my resume down...but if it goes under, well then, I'm just another unemployed person looking for a job.  IDK and I don't care right now, I've got life to attend to and I don't need to add job search/interview/new employment stress to the mix.  Especially since it's uncommon to get PTO for awhile and I've got allergy shots and family stuff to deal with.

Otherwise, SSDD.  My friend and I are starting to work on their pageant package (they are running in a bearded queen pageant) and I'm getting excited about that.  I've also accepted a marketing director/social media director for a convention that aligns with my nerd interests (which is nice for one, b/c it's still community, but not queer community), that'll start up in a few months, probably around July/August.  It's also official, I am no longer interested in having a dog at this time.  I love the companionship and the snuggles, but all the rest of the job is something I just don't think I'm interested in doing.  I'm ready for his owner to get him (sometime this weekend).

charlotte989875

Ugh, I sobbed after dropping M at daycare. He cried (he always does) and all the trauma of the last few weeks hit me. So I called my sister and she confirmed that yup, it’s a totally norma response to being a parent in this country. 

Softball tonight and I think it will be good to get out and with other people. 

charlotte989875

how many paralegals are you down now @VarunaTT?

VarunaTT

charlotte989875 said:

how many paralegals are you down now @VarunaTT?

Since I've worked here (close to 6 years now), we've always had 22-25.  We now have 12.

In looking at the remaining 12, 1 is retiring in Jan, 1 is actively seeking employment closer to home b/c of gas prices and a raise that didn't even cover that, 1 isn't staying through the summer b/c of other opportunities, and 1 more keeps saying he's going to law school, but hasn't made it in yet.  So in the next few months, I can see us getting down to 8.  They can't get anyone to apply here b/c the employer reputation (which was never stellar to begin with, I ended up here b/c of being fired) has absolutely tanked.  The recruiter was actively calling other law firms to try and take paralegals....which didn't work at all.

I just sit here, saying no, over and over, and doing my job and nothing but my job, periodt.

Also, big hugs.  Emotions are very high right now and it's absolutely okay that you had to let them run their course.  I very firmly believe that as a nation, those of us who lead with compassion and humanity are going to end up with confirmed dx of PTSD.

Casadena

@charlotte989875 I have done the same the last couple days and cried putting the kiddos to bed last night too.

Working out at lunch today, tomorrow is H's last day so i want to take him out for lunch since i'll WFH.  

I'm a little pissed about a thing at work.  They announce that they're working on a paternity leave policy to be implemented in the fall.  Sounds great right? Except.......they don't even have a MATernity leave policy?  Men and women both can take FMLA for a new child, men are eligible for STD with a qualifying medical event.  But now men are going to get additional leave that women are not eligible for?  WTF.  We're a Fortune 500 company, i can't believe they're this out of touch. 

MissKittyDanger

It's been an eventful few days.
If you've never heard of a Derecho - go google.
Then google Ontario Storm.

Short version a wicked storm hit Saturday - it lasted maybe 10min? Then gone.
Enough to up root trees, bend massive hydro things {we call them robots but they're not - they were redone after the 1998 storm to withstand damage}

We had no power from Saturday until Tuesday. We lost our fridge/freezer. My mum still has no power {but from drive by it seems it could be today}
Inlaws had power so we basically had BK sleep over Saturday and Sunday and we ate and showered there.

Monday night BK came home. She was so desperate to come home, the poor kid.
We did make sure she didn't fall asleep so it'd be easier for her to sleep without waking in middle of the night.
M got glow sticks so she had those also.


In other semi-related news, I think my mum and her bf may split. I don't wanna be a jerk but after a thing that happened, I really hope so.
Since we have power, we brought our tiny generator over {it charges small things like phones, etc} so they had an extra generator for small items.
M brought it - it's heavy and he's more familiar how it works - and apparently my mum's bf got pissy that M brought it?
Like think toxic masculinity vibes. "I'm the man, I should provide"

M & my mum said they're glad I wasn't there - they both kept silent to avoid escalating it. I do not have that filter.
My mum afterwards got pissed off and they fought.
I told my mum things are different now because we have 2 cars, so if she needs errands I can take her.

I'm still fkn pissed.

mrsconn23

That's absolutely bonkers they're making a BFD about a paternity leave when women get STD/FMLA and not a specifically set aside policy, @Casadena.  WTF? Also, why not just call it PARENTAL leave instead of gendering it, FFS. That would be sticking in my craw for sure. 

Ugh @VarunaTT.  I'm sure it's a catch-22 between to ride the ship down or to consider next steps when your mental load clears.  

LAST DAY of 5th for DefConn today. I thought I'd be sadder/more emotional, but I'm really just tired overall.  This last month of school has had a ton of ups and downs because preteens are a mass of nerves and all.the.feelings.  I'm just kind of done and looking for what will hopefully be a bit of a reset over the summer. 

Today is my FRIDAY!  Woohoo!  Going to the movies for the first time in for-ev-er to see Top Gun tomorrow night.  Not sure what else DefConn and I will be up to.  We have a wedding Saturday. The rest of the weekend will be getting shit done around the house.  BIL/SIL/Nieces/Niece's BF will be here Monday night.  I can't wait to see them!! 

Prudie coming up. 

banana468

Oh @MissKittyDanger way to throw out the goodwill gesture!

If power-losing storms are big near you, you may want to consider a more powerful generator.  Ours runs on gas and at least powers the well pump (we don't have city water) the boiler, refrigerator and freezer and microwaves.  We're lucky that in the storms that have hit in the last 12 years we didn't lose food. 

Tuesday night we deliberately didn't talk to the kids about the day's events
1) We generally try not to talk about mass shootings to them at their ages - especially with a 7 yo in our presence.
2) The afternoon consisted of running to her soccer practice and then to her choir concert where she was part of a trio/solo.  She was GREAT and the last thing I wanted to do was make my anxious kid more anxious.
3) Kids were rewarded with DQ after dinner for the great concert.  

I hate to sound like  my privilege was showing and the jaded aspect of "we can talk about how this is pervasive tomorrow" is so sad that it IS what we chose to do but I wasn't going to get to my 11 year old's bedtime and say, "Oh and BTW when you get to school tomorrow you should know an 18 year old killed a class of kids in Texas yesterday."   

But now Chiquita's in her second year of MS so the topics that kids handle are more adult (we did talk about the attempted insurrection last year) so when there was a moment of silence she was VERY confused and she asked around.  School ended and she was off to Girl Scouts and she asked her troop leader if it was going to be addressed.  On the car ride home I could hear in her voice that she just doesn't get it (and who DOES?!?) and DH and I have a lot to do tonight to attempt to both explain, do what we can to try to put her at ease (even though it's not possible) and tell her what she can do.  One of the girls that passed away was a GS so there is a letter writing effort to honor her memory.

I'm losing my optimism.

MissKittyDanger

@banana468 Right!? I was so fkn pissed when M came home and told me.
But we're guessing with climate change these will be more likely. This generator was an emerg purchase, but our overall plan is to have more of a cold storage in the basement and camping gear. My coworker was saying she used her coleman stove - so we may start looking at one also.

Casadena

MissKittyDanger said:

It's been an eventful few days.
If you've never heard of a Derecho - go google.
Then google Ontario Storm.

Short version a wicked storm hit Saturday - it lasted maybe 10min? Then gone.
Enough to up root trees, bend massive hydro things {we call them robots but they're not - they were redone after the 1998 storm to withstand damage}

We had no power from Saturday until Tuesday. We lost our fridge/freezer. My mum still has no power {but from drive by it seems it could be today}
Inlaws had power so we basically had BK sleep over Saturday and Sunday and we ate and showered there.

Monday night BK came home. She was so desperate to come home, the poor kid.
We did make sure she didn't fall asleep so it'd be easier for her to sleep without waking in middle of the night.
M got glow sticks so she had those also.


In other semi-related news, I think my mum and her bf may split. I don't wanna be a jerk but after a thing that happened, I really hope so.
Since we have power, we brought our tiny generator over {it charges small things like phones, etc} so they had an extra generator for small items.
M brought it - it's heavy and he's more familiar how it works - and apparently my mum's bf got pissy that M brought it?
Like think toxic masculinity vibes. "I'm the man, I should provide"

M & my mum said they're glad I wasn't there - they both kept silent to avoid escalating it. I do not have that filter.
My mum afterwards got pissed off and they fought.
I told my mum things are different now because we have 2 cars, so if she needs errands I can take her.

I'm still fkn pissed.

There was a major derecho in Iowa (where i'm from) a couple years ago that hardly got any news coverage.  Most of the eastern half of the state was without power for over a week. My parents have well water (runs on an electric pump) so they had no power or water for 8 days.  It was a f**king mess.  I hope everyone is ok near you. 

short+sassy

@MissKittyDanger, since I am unfortunately an expert on extended power outages, lol.  Here is some advice.  If you all don't want to invest in a large enough generator to power your fridge, I'd strongly recommend a battery inverter.

They are less than $100 and run off your car's battery.  They are powerful enough to keep a refrigerator going, plus small electricity users...like fans, lamps, laptops, cell phones, etc.  However, they will automatically turn off before they drain the car battery.  But you will need to go out and run your car for about 5-10 minutes every hour or so, to recharge the car battery.

My H and I got a decent sized generator after Hurricane Ida.  We saved the food in our fridge through a number of hurricanes with lengthy power outages, using just a battery inverter.

Another thing that a lot of people don't realize is, as long as you limit opening/closing your refrigerator/freezer door, the food will stay cold enough to be safe for a fairly long time.  For refrigerators, that's about 2 days.  For freezers, it's about 3 days.  And the more packed the freezer/refrigerator are, the better that works.  If you have extra space, a good way to fill it up is with gallon sized water bottles.

short+sassy

In further mounting proof that Murphy's Law hates me, I have an unusually super-packed day, including on my lunch hour.  I'm taking a long lunch to meet my soon-to-be new tenant and sign the lease.  Then, after work, it's the usual start to my weekly Costco scanning.

Except my car wouldn't start this morning.  I assume it is the battery.  It was that kind of "symptom".  Turning the key and nothing happens, including no car/engine noise at all.

Oh, but wait.  I actually have two vehicles.  Except my MINI Cooper, that I don't drive that often, had one of the tires go flat a couple weeks ago and I hadn't fixed it yet.  So I can't use either vehicle right now.  Really?!?!

Fortunately, my neighbor has come to the rescue.  She's letting my H use her car today.  So he drove me to work.  He's going to pick me up at lunch and drive me over to meet the tenant for the lease signing.  He usually does his portion of the Costco scanning earlier in the day than I do.  But he's going to start it later.  Come pick me up when I get off work and take me back to Costco, so I can get my usual 3ish hours in that I do on Thursdays.

But, while this day has turned into a s**t show.  The very good part of it is we're signing another lease!  That's the second one this week, so it's two more vacancies down.

MissKittyDanger

Casadena said:

MissKittyDanger said:

It's been an eventful few days.
If you've never heard of a Derecho - go google.
Then google Ontario Storm.

Short version a wicked storm hit Saturday - it lasted maybe 10min? Then gone.
Enough to up root trees, bend massive hydro things {we call them robots but they're not - they were redone after the 1998 storm to withstand damage}

We had no power from Saturday until Tuesday. We lost our fridge/freezer. My mum still has no power {but from drive by it seems it could be today}
Inlaws had power so we basically had BK sleep over Saturday and Sunday and we ate and showered there.

Monday night BK came home. She was so desperate to come home, the poor kid.
We did make sure she didn't fall asleep so it'd be easier for her to sleep without waking in middle of the night.
M got glow sticks so she had those also.


In other semi-related news, I think my mum and her bf may split. I don't wanna be a jerk but after a thing that happened, I really hope so.
Since we have power, we brought our tiny generator over {it charges small things like phones, etc} so they had an extra generator for small items.
M brought it - it's heavy and he's more familiar how it works - and apparently my mum's bf got pissy that M brought it?
Like think toxic masculinity vibes. "I'm the man, I should provide"

M & my mum said they're glad I wasn't there - they both kept silent to avoid escalating it. I do not have that filter.
My mum afterwards got pissed off and they fought.
I told my mum things are different now because we have 2 cars, so if she needs errands I can take her.

I'm still fkn pissed.

There was a major derecho in Iowa (where i'm from) a couple years ago that hardly got any news coverage.  Most of the eastern half of the state was without power for over a week. My parents have well water (runs on an electric pump) so they had no power or water for 8 days.  It was a f**king mess.  I hope everyone is ok near you. 

I'm finding unless it absolutely levels an entire city, there's zero news coverage.
I swear the derecho is scarier because it's such a mix!

MissKittyDanger

short+sassy said:

@MissKittyDanger, since I am unfortunately an expert on extended power outages, lol.  Here is some advice.  If you all don't want to invest in a large enough generator to power your fridge, I'd strongly recommend a battery inverter.

They are less than $100 and run off your car's battery.  They are powerful enough to keep a refrigerator going, plus small electricity users...like fans, lamps, laptops, cell phones, etc.  However, they will automatically turn off before they drain the car battery.  But you will need to go out and run your car for about 5-10 minutes every hour or so, to recharge the car battery.

My H and I got a decent sized generator after Hurricane Ida.  We saved the food in our fridge through a number of hurricanes with lengthy power outages, using just a battery inverter.

Another thing that a lot of people don't realize is, as long as you limit opening/closing your refrigerator/freezer door, the food will stay cold enough to be safe for a fairly long time.  For refrigerators, that's about 2 days.  For freezers, it's about 3 days.  And the more packed the freezer/refrigerator are, the better that works.  If you have extra space, a good way to fill it up is with gallon sized water bottles.

I'll have M look into it. Right now likely stores have zero but we're going to get a list going of stuff.

We actually didn't touch our fridge at all so we don't know why stuff went so fast  

CharmedPam

What a shitshow @VarunaTT.  I’m hoping your safe in all of this.  Like you said, last stress you need.  Also, digging that meme.
@charlotte989875 totally justified.  I probably would be doing the same in that situation.
i love the idea of calling it parental leave instead of making it gender specific @mrsconn23.  @Casadena your company is backasswards.
@short+sassy, I’m going to look into a battery inverter. A quick google search makes me think I may already own one? ExH bought one and if I remember correctly, he may have left his in my garage.  But also, if I remember correctly, my parents saw it and wanted it so I probably didn’t know what it was and gave it to them lol. I have to see. I also live on the police/fire grid so when power goes out, I get it back pretty quickly.

how many times did I cry this morning during my workout watching the news and recap of TX? Interviews with some eye witnesses (including the kids) and family members. 

If you need to feel bad about yourself, take your ass to a dermatologist.  I went yesterday for some smile lines that won’t go away and most importantly, rosecea. I got a script lotion for that, but after she addressed those two concerns she goes “did you want to do anything about the sun damage?”
say what now? I didn’t know I had any… legit thought those were freckles.
the OTC products she offered were $360 (with the 10% discount!) I googled products for sun damage and spent waaaay less on that.  Plus she suggsted $1,500 in laser treatments.  Thanks. But no thanks.  I hope the cream gets rid of it.  If it doesn’t, I’ll groupon some PDL
lasers. I wear spf daily, but in my 20’s/early 30’s, I was unaware it was a daily thing, even if you weren’t planning to spend the day out in the sun.  I only started to add it to my daily regimen after beauty vloggers were a thing and they were stressing the importance of it, so yeah, I probably do have some sun damage from my time of ignorance. 

ei34

That's a shitshow @VarunaTT and all the thumbs down at your employer's new policy @Casadena  I cried at school drop off yesterday @charlotte989875, once i got back in the car.  You just want to see your kids after school it shouldn't be too much to ask.
That stinks about the power loss @MissKittyDanger our last hurricane we lost our entire fridge and freezer, worst feeling.  I def need to look into some sort of simple generator.

I'm tired of talking about him but STBXH is really driving me up the wall.  Yesterday evening I was trying to go to my brother's school play (he's not in it, he directs the plays at the school he teaches at and I like to show my support) and STBXH hates my brother / is convinced I'm having an affair and thought the play was an excuse, and didn't want me going.  Took my phone.  Took my car keys.  Finally threw the keys at me and I left but didn't return my phone until late last night. I hope he didn't somehow hack into it while he had it (not that I'm hiding anything, I just think it's my phone, not his).  The kids are off today and tomorrow and were going to spend today with my parents but he also hates them and didn't let them go, so he's with them today.  I peeked at my phone between two periods and had 10 missed called and a crazy barrage of texts saying DD fell on the playground and has a pretty bad cut on her forehead.   He sent a pic- it wasn't pretty but not awful either, like won't need stitches.  But his texts were so bizarre, curses every other word "why won't you Fn pick up your Fn phone what's the point of having a Fn phone this is a Fn emergency you're the worst Fn mother" etc.  I called him and he was screaming.  He's just the worst stb-ex / dad / person.  Stay calm, the kids feed off of our energy.  Jeez.  I can't imagine my life without him in it but when I dare to reflect on it I anticipate a lot more peace.  

banana468

ei34 said:

That's a shitshow @VarunaTT and all the thumbs down at your employer's new policy @Casadena  I cried at school drop off yesterday @charlotte989875, once i got back in the car.  You just want to see your kids after school it shouldn't be too much to ask.
That stinks about the power loss @MissKittyDanger our last hurricane we lost our entire fridge and freezer, worst feeling.  I def need to look into some sort of simple generator.

I'm tired of talking about him but STBXH is really driving me up the wall.  Yesterday evening I was trying to go to my brother's school play (he's not in it, he directs the plays at the school he teaches at and I like to show my support) and STBXH hates my brother / is convinced I'm having an affair and thought the play was an excuse, and didn't want me going.  Took my phone.  Took my car keys.  Finally threw the keys at me and I left but didn't return my phone until late last night. I hope he didn't somehow hack into it while he had it (not that I'm hiding anything, I just think it's my phone, not his).  The kids are off today and tomorrow and were going to spend today with my parents but he also hates them and didn't let them go, so he's with them today.  I peeked at my phone between two periods and had 10 missed called and a crazy barrage of texts saying DD fell on the playground and has a pretty bad cut on her forehead.   He sent a pic- it wasn't pretty but not awful either, like won't need stitches.  But his texts were so bizarre, curses every other word "why won't you Fn pick up your Fn phone what's the point of having a Fn phone this is a Fn emergency you're the worst Fn mother" etc.  I called him and he was screaming.  He's just the worst stb-ex / dad / person.  Stay calm, the kids feed off of our energy.  Jeez.  I can't imagine my life without him in it but when I dare to reflect on it I anticipate a lot more peace.  

Is there any way you can screen shot his texts and make sure your lawyer has them as a sign of his behavior and what it's doing to the household and there's a need to expedite his exit and give you more control?  

I'm so tired of courts trying to play fair when things are clearly not equal. 

levioosa

I’m so sorry @ei34. Because he’s such a loose cannon I would go ahead and change all my passwords on the phone/email/important apps if you haven’t already as an extra precaution. *hugs*

And all of the hugs for people for the people with children. I can’t even imagine how stressful and heartbreaking this must feel. 

@VarunaTT Im sorry work shenanigans continue to be so shitty. It honestly blows my mind how some employers have zero ability to recognize flaws and adjust for the future. Like you know that your ability to make money relies on actually having enough functional staff, right?

Fingers crossed the repairs for the cars don’t cost an arm and a leg @short+sassy

Back at work. Morale is still (understandably) a little low. My manager was having a rough time yesterday and she called off today. Today is the first day all week I’m not hiking for my workout and I’m excited to go home and do something there instead. I am definitely ready for the long weekend. I know I’m probably just not used to working a full 5 days straight any more but this past week has felt particularly exhausting. I guess having a huge chunk of the company laid off didn’t help. I am trying really hard to keep a good positive attitude this year but man….it almost feels like a crime to think like that with everything going on. 

ei34

Thanks @banana468.  They've already been screenshot and sent to my lawyer, who keeps a burn book so to speak.  Photos of bad things, screenshots, etc., in case stbxh ever tried for custody we'd have evidence for the judge.  He feels I should file an official cease of harassment with Family Court which I haven't wanted to do but might end up doing.

short+sassy

@ei34. I'm sorry at what a nightmare your STBXH has turned out to be.  Divorce, especially when children are involved, is hard enough when people are at least being civil to each other.  But the crazy rants and verbal abuse is next level.

On the affair accusation, if it were me, what I'd want to say and would be thinking is, "Yeah?  And so what if I were?  We're DONE, except for the paperwork."  But never actually would because he's unstable and there's no reason to rile him up further.

From the little bit you've described, it sounds like his life started going off the rails even before you all started talking about divorce.  I can't imagine how hard that is when a spouse changes that much, for the worse.  ((Hugs))

@levioosa, I saw your other post that you're back at the old job.  At least there is an income stream coming in again but, ugh.  I know you weren't thrilled to have to go back and then, for the cherry on top, they had a massive layoff on your third day.  Hang in there!  It's still not forever and I'm sure you'll have a better job in the near or mid future.  Plus, if I'm understanding correctly what happened, you negotiated a better deal for yourself than what you had before you briefly left.

CharmedPam

@ei34, that might make your life easier if you did file? Piggy backing on @short+sassy’s remark, this is neither here or there, but it’s hardly an “affair” when your separated but he’s just hanging around.  

mrsconn23

Ugh @ei34, I'm so sorry.  I know I say it all the time, but I can't believe how much your situation mirrors my friend's.  She has court next week to force the sale of her house and he's escalating his bullshit. They were supposed to get a new a/c unit and he 'canceled' the order (which wtf? wasn't yours to cancel, asshole). He also does the affair accusations and the barrage texting.  We're here for you, lady.  ((hugs)) 

short+sassy

Mission accomplished!  I have a signed lease and the deposit.  We now have 3 out of 4 units rented out, for the two duplexes we have next to each other.  Yay!  The 4th one won't be ready for another 2-3 weeks.  And I already have some different people who expressed an interest.

Those were the debacle where we'd had all 4 rented out to a company that sub-leased them as mini nursing homes.  And then became dead beats, after they acquired the second two units.  Deadbeats who also caused a lot of damage (sigh).

I found out today they also left some decrepit van in one of the backyards, so we need to get that towed away (eyeroll).

CharmedPam

Great news @short+sassy! What’s the renting market like? You seem to fill them pretty quickly, so I’m assuming it’s good?

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

Great news @short+sassy! What’s the renting market like? You seem to fill them pretty quickly, so I’m assuming it’s good?

It's so weird because, up until the last couple years, NOLA has always had a soft rental market.  Back then, I had one vacancy that took me 6 weeks to rent out.  On average, it took me about 2 weeks to fill a vacancy.

But for the last two years, it seems like it is a pretty tight rental market.  Just like stories I hear from other parts of the country.

Some of what is going on right now locally is there are still people displaced from Hurricane Ida, which happened in September.  The tenant I signed the lease with earlier this week was a victim of that.  The roof came off where she was previously living and destroyed everything.  She's been living with her sister, since then.

For this particular vacancy, I did have a little more trouble than I expected.  We had a lot of people come for showings and had about a 15 applications but, for most of them, people either didn't qualify or didn't reply back when I contacted them.  But then we did get lucky that, as we got our "second round" of applications for that unit, we found two tenants who both qualified and were both interested.  We offered the unit being advertised to one of them (the Ida victim) and told the other one that our next (3rd unit) would be ready by Memorial Day, if she wanted it.  She came to view that one earlier this week and was on board.  That's who I signed the lease with today.

I primarily advertise my rentals on FB Marketplace.  When I turned the ad off earlier this week, I was shocked to find there were only two other rental ads for that entire market where mine is located.  And I don't even mean houses similar to mine, ie 3 bed/2bath.  Two rental ads, total.    

mrsconn23

Poor DefConn got off the bus *sobbing* because the reality hit him. He's gonna miss his school and his teachers.  He got to go revisit all the teachers he had through elementary today.  So, so bittersweet and his tender little heart is overflowing.   

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

Poor DefConn got off the bus *sobbing* because the reality hit him. He's gonna miss his school and his teachers.  He got to go revisit all the teachers he had through elementary today.  So, so bittersweet and his tender little heart is overflowing.   

Oh what a sweet kid.