I lost my virginity when I was 16. I had been groomed by someone 14 years older than me since I was a teen and led to believe it was a relationship, when in reality all this person wanted was “my virginity.” In any case, I finally figured out the whole thing after he ghosted me when I became “used goods” (words my groomer used). I picked up the broken pieces of my life, went on to have another relationship, broke up, and found my husband. Unfortunately for me, my husband was a virgin when we married (he saved himself for his one true love a.k.a. me). It happened that when he disclosed this to me we were both semi-drunk and in the starting phases of love. When he asked me if I was a virgin too, I said yes. You see where the problem is now … we have been blissfully married for six years now with a toddler and couldn’t be happier, but every now and then, this particular scene flashes in my head. Are you a virgin too? When I lied, I was obviously in a state of panic/denial/ shame/love and other things, but I lied to my husband. He has no issues about my past (I however did not go into major detail about the groomer—again shame played a big part here), but I feel miserable. On the one hand, I feel like I cheated my loving, trusting partner, and on the other feel, I feel so ashamed that if I have to tell anyone how I lost my virginity, they will think I am trash. I can’t stop thinking about this, and every time my husband proudly talks about me to someone else, I feel I don’t deserve his love. What should I do?
— Not a Virgin