FMIL Slighted by Wedding Invitation Wording

knottie3dcf08bf96374469

Hi, ladies! I recently found out from FH that my FMIL was slighted by our wedding invitation wording. FH approved the wording, so I didn't expect it to be an issue, but apparently it is. FH's family are making a contribution to the wedding, but haven't been involved in the planning at all. My parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, as well as our honeymoon, are hosting the wedding in our hometown (FH's parents are out of state), and have been running around town helping me find vendors, plan logistics, finish DIY projects, etc. The wording I chose was:

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's Name
to
Groom's Name
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents

Am I in the wrong here? Should I have listed FH's parents as hosts, or is the chosen wording fine etiquette-wise?

Jen4948

Are your FH's family actually acting as hosts?

Hosting a wedding, by the way, doesn't mean paying for the wedding. One can contribute money without actually being a host. 

The hosts of a wedding are the point persons - the persons making the arrangements, issuing the invitations, receiving the responses, and the persons that guests should turn to with any questions. It's not an "honor" to be listed on a wedding invitation, because the people who are honored by wedding invitations are the guests.

If your FH's family aren't doing these things, then your wording is fine. If they actually are doing these things, then they should have been listed as hosts.

But if your invitations have already gone out, then it's too late to change this. I would find some way to appease your FH's parents by giving them some special honor.

downtondiva

The wording you have is, I believe, pretty traditional and standard, and if your parents are indeed hosting the wedding, then it's perfectly fine and FMIL needs to let it go. 

FWIW, our wedding invitations and many others that I have seen in recent years didn't list any parents' names. It would have the couple's names with "together with their families" or something like that. I presume this is because nowadays many couples are hosting their own weddings (whether they are paying for them in full or not).

ETF spelling

knottie3dcf08bf96374469

No, FH's parents haven't been involved in the wedding planning at all (other than the rehearsal dinner, which they're hosting, and separate invites will be going out for that). The things they are paying for, I've had to plan and coordinate myself - they've just paid the invoices. My parents handled invites and RSVPs, communications with the venue manager, the Church, and other vendors, and have been the point of contact for guests, as the wedding is in my hometown in Texas and most of FH's guests (including his parents) are from the Midwest. FMIL has given me grief throughout the planning process about things she and FFIL aren't even paying for that she finds unnecessary (getaway car, accommodations for my bridesmaids, hair and makeup, tuxedo rentals, etc.), and I don't want to cause any more tension (nor do I want to bring it up) since FH and I will be living nearby after the wedding, but it's just frustrating that she's upset about not being listed as a host - especially since FH and I are contributing more financially than she and FFIL are. Oh well!

Jen4948

It sounds like two things are in order:

1) Stop talking about your wedding plans with your FILs. Since they aren't paying for any of this, they don't get a say, plus sharing this information is giving them ammunition to use against you instead of creating the bonding experience you have been hoping for.

2) The next time your FMIL is critical about any aspect of your plans, I would have your FH let her know that her critical attitude is not "helpful", that your plans are final, and you are not open to hearing any more negative feedback from her.

If he is not willing to deliver this message for you, you can do so yourself but you are going to have to have a come-to-Jesus discussion with him about your future relationship with his family. It is not okay for him to unilaterally expect you to suck up negativity from them.

banana468

Jen4948 said:

It sounds like two things are in order:

1) Stop talking about your wedding plans with your FILs. Since they aren't paying for any of this, they don't get a day, plus sharing this information is giving them ammunition to use against you instead of creating the bonding experience you have been hoping for.

2) The next time your FMIL is critical about any aspect of your plans, I would have your FH let her know that her critical attitude is not "helpful", that your plans are final, and you are not open to hearing any more negative feedback from her.

If he is not willing to deliver this message for you, you can do so yourself but you are going to have to have a come-to-Jesus discussion with him about your future relationship with his family. It is not okay for him to unilaterally expect you to suck up negativity from them.

I'd tread slightly lightly with #1 but would present information if asked.  The parents of the groom are honored guests and they ARE hosting the RD.  They shouldn't be kept in the dark.  That said, any information should be shared as it truly is: the decision has been made and they're honored guests.