Wedding Woes

Just say 'no thanks'.

Dear Prudence, 

Why do my friends always seem to set me up with the biggest losers they have lying around their lives? Last year I broke up with my ex. Our wedding was postponed due to COVID and instead of being disappointed, we were both just so relieved. It obviously wasn’t a good sign and we ended up making that postponement a cancellation. Now I’m back on the market. I’m a catch. Maybe not one to write home about, but I don’t think I’d be thrown back in for the seagulls to pick over. I’m presentable, socially functional, and solvent. Dating apps have turned up a pretty standard ratio of good dates to disasters, with men who are not walking red flags.

Yet, whenever one of my friends tells me they have a guy I have to meet, it’s either someone who brings his mother on the date, a man who genuinely looked me in the eye and said “Patrick Bateman is my idol,” or an active alcoholic (no shame on his problem, addiction issues run in my family too, but an addict with no plans to sober up does not strike me as a good match for anyone I like). I just don’t get it.

Do I seem so desperate that I’ll take any man with a pulse? Do they feel pressured to help me find someone and just don’t have any better options? Have I thrown off table settings by no longer having a guaranteed plus one? Do they just want someone to fix these disaster zones that are in their lives and I look like the one to do it (I’m not)? I suppose I could ask my friends, but it’s not exactly nice to describe someone in their social circle as an inveterate loser and chronic creep. And it’s not even the men who are the problem. They might all have it in them to make someone happy. I just don’t get what makes my friends, who should know me best, think that someone would be me.

—Flea Market Dates

Re: Just say 'no thanks'.

  • Maybe you have bad friends too?? 

    But right now say no thanks.  I hear it from gay friends that "Oh you'd be perfect for X because he's gay too!" and  - that's not how it works. 

    So being two single people is not a match.  Just say you're not interested in blind dates. 
  • "I’m a catch. Maybe not one to write home about, but I don’t think I’d be thrown back in for the seagulls to pick over. I’m presentable, socially functional, and solvent."

    This...just seems problematic for me.  I kind of want to poke fun at LW and be sarcastic and say that this doesn't sound appealing for anyone and maybe she is the issue, but I'm actually nicer than that most of the time.  I think she needs some therapy and inner development to not be knocking herself down.  Maybe be off the market for awhile and just say no to the blind dates.  These friends might not actually know that Man A is a totally whack job...they're presumably not trying to date him.
  • If the LW already has it going on with dating apps, they should just leave it at they aren't interested in blind dates.  It's fair enough.  Even if the real truth is they think that friend has bad taste, in picking appropriate guys for them.

    More often than not, I think blind dates are more "I know these two people who are single", than they are "I think my two friends would be PERFECT for each other".
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Use your words, LW. Tell your friends either that you're not looking to date for a while or you'd rather find your own dates, and you don't want to be set up with anyone again. If they won't let it go, distance yourself from them as needed.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2022
    Maybe your friends just don’t know these things about those people? Well, it’s hard to hide the alcohol thing… maybe they didnt know it was as bad?

    i wish my friends had people to set me up with.  Couldn’t do a worse job than I’m doing myself?

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