More Prudie (from earlier this week): Prisoner of COVID

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I have a great relationship that COVID is threatening to end. We have 15 blissful years together, but have had knock-down drag-outs over COVID. I am pro-science, wore my mask, have four shots. I got COVID and it was lousy, but I recovered. I followed the rules and even more at her insistence. Live music is a part of my identity, but she said I cannot go to concerts next fall and winter—from October until February! That’s ridiculous. Certainly, if we get smashed with a new variant, things may change, but it seems insane to plan on shutting myself up like a veal for half a year out of paranoia. She says that her compromise is spring shows are still fine, and I am inflexible. I say that no shows for half a year that is still half a year away is inflexibility. What do you think?

— Sick of COVID

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,

I have a great relationship that COVID is threatening to end. We have 15 blissful years together, but have had knock-down drag-outs over COVID. I am pro-science, wore my mask, have four shots. I got COVID and it was lousy, but I recovered. I followed the rules and even more at her insistence. Live music is a part of my identity, but she said I cannot go to concerts next fall and winter—from October until February! That’s ridiculous. Certainly, if we get smashed with a new variant, things may change, but it seems insane to plan on shutting myself up like a veal for half a year out of paranoia. She says that her compromise is spring shows are still fine, and I am inflexible. I say that no shows for half a year that is still half a year away is inflexibility. What do you think?

— Sick of COVID

If Covid is telling us anything it's that you can't predict how things will go.  It's also taught us that while fabric masks don't work, others do.  Why can't you go to a show with a great fitting mask? 

I'd also be clear: as a grown adult how life is lived won't be dictated by another.  She doesn't need to go with you and you can maintain a distance after concerts and offer to mask in the house/sleep in another room.   However you will not be told about the terms of your own life.

short+sassy

This doesn't come close to being a deal breaker for me, but it seems like it is for the LW.

They both think they're right and neither one is bending.  The knock down, drag outs need to stop.  They are pointless and make both people miserable.  The LW needs to say something like, "I know you don't agree with me. I've listened to your POV.  But I don't agree with it and will be doing X,Y, Z.  And I'm not arguing about this anymore."

VarunaTT

I have friends who are similar to LW's partner.  I am more like LW.  I've basically decided I have to treat it like the flu -- I'll get my shots, I take standard healthy precautions, but I can't stay cooped up all the time.

I agree that it's an impasse and they just have to decide how they're going to deal with it.  They can either agree to disagree and move on how they each want or break up, since they both seem to feel it's a dealbreaker.  I don't feel like there's much middle ground here.

STARMOON44

Don’t let someone else’s anxiety control your life. 

short+sassy

VarunaTT said:

I have friends who are similar to LW's partner.  I am more like LW.  I've basically decided I have to treat it like the flu -- I'll get my shots, I take standard healthy precautions, but I can't stay cooped up all the time.

I agree that it's an impasse and they just have to decide how they're going to deal with it.  They can either agree to disagree and move on how they each want or break up, since they both seem to feel it's a dealbreaker.  I don't feel like there's much middle ground here.

This is my stance, to a T.  And has been ever since I was able to get fully vaccinated.

But some of that also comes from knowing that I'm not usually around children and people who are vulnerable.  If I was or was vulnerable myself, I probably would have done things differently.

I'm not even going to judge if the SO's stance is unreasonable or not...it seems like that's what the LW wants...because we don't know their circumstances.