It's not the size, it's the motion in the ocean.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I am a 25-year-old male and a virgin (not for religious or moral reasons, just focused on studies rather than dating). Now, though, I am looking to get into the dating world, and something is worrying me. My dick, when erect, tops out at 4.4-4.7 inches (which, to be fair, obviously is based on masturbation so I don’t know if it would get “more erect” in live play, but I don’t think that’s how it works). I know that isn’t a micropenis, but it is also below-average.

My question is this: Is it possible for me to be the best sex of a partner’s life, with that physical length? To be clear, I know it won’t happen right away. It will require learning moves and positions, learning oral and other forms of stimulation, and communication. I am willing to put in that work. I guess my question is—is it POSSIBLE to be the best sex of my partner’s life?

I don’t ask to satisfy some ego trip. I guess I am worried that it will be hard to enjoy sex in a relationship if I know that the best sex of their life lies elsewhere, so I’d know during sex they’d rather be with someone else.

— Limited but Hoping

CharmedPam

It’s not always about the size of the ship, it can be about the motion of the ocean LW.  Try it and see. 

mrsconn23

Also, women don't get off from p-in-v sex.  Work on your oral skills and you could have a lady singing.   

STARMOON44

This is such a limited view of sexual pleasure and relationships. To me the best sex of my life is about the whole package of the guy. Not just his dick but the emotional connection. I think what he needs to focus on is building an authentic honest intimate connection with women as individual people. 

charlotte989875

Did he actually measure it?!

CharmedPam

mrsconn23 said:

Also, women don't get off from p-in-v sex.  Work on your oral skills and you could have a lady singing.   

And really start working on those hand skills.

btw I didnt read the title when I mirrored the motion of the ocean line. Lol.  I had to use that line once on an ex.  And I beileved it too.

but what Charlotte said… he measured?

mrsconn23

CharmedPam said:

mrsconn23 said:

Also, women don't get off from p-in-v sex.  Work on your oral skills and you could have a lady singing.   

And really start working on those hand skills.

btw I didnt read the title when I mirrored the motion of the ocean line. Lol.  I had to use that line once on an ex.  And I beileved it too.

but what Charlotte said… he measured?

The real question is, did he measure it from the top or did he go under and measure from 'the base'?  Hee!

levioosa

charlotte989875 said:

Did he actually measure it?!

They always measure it. 

banana468

This is a guy who needs a partner who will tell him what they want.

CharmedPam

banana468 said:

This is a guy who needs a partner who will tell him what they want.

I’m available.  But catch me before I go to “Our Time” in 7 years. 

mrsconn23

Honestly, there are a lot of resources out there from actual academics studying the female sexual experience/orgasm to pro-woman porn.  There's a whole Netflix series called, "The Principles of Pleasure" which is entirely about sex and how to get yourself and your partner off. 

So, LW could actually do real research to help them get a head (heh) start on sexual experiences.  Furthermore, LW has to understand that there will be a learning curve with every partner.  Not all women are the same and respond the same way to the same touch/moves/stimuli. 

banana468

CharmedPam said:

banana468 said:

This is a guy who needs a partner who will tell him what they want.

I’m available.  But catch me before I go to “Our Time” in 7 years. 

For serious though!  No person is going to just show up with skills.  Despite its infrequency, when it happens in our house I walk away a happy person.  That's not by accident! 

climbingsingle

They all measure! And truth be told, the guys I've been with that were on the large end sucked in bed. 

but also this:

STARMOON44 said:

This is such a limited view of sexual pleasure and relationships. To me the best sex of my life is about the whole package of the guy. Not just his dick but the emotional connection. I think what he needs to focus on is building an authentic honest intimate connection with women as individual people. 

The bolded is so very true. 

banana468

climbingsingle said:

They all measure! And truth be told, the guys I've been with that were on the large end sucked in bed. 

but also this:

STARMOON44 said:

This is such a limited view of sexual pleasure and relationships. To me the best sex of my life is about the whole package of the guy. Not just his dick but the emotional connection. I think what he needs to focus on is building an authentic honest intimate connection with women as individual people. 

The bolded is so very true. 

To your bolded: WORD.

My EX BF tried to tell me when he got caught cheating that he was really frustrated that his dick wasn't enough.....so he thought practicing with other women would help??

MyNameIsNot

Something about wanting to jump straight to "the best sex of my partner’s life" rubs me the wrong way. Like, maybe start with being a good partner and go from there. It's not a fucking competition. (See what I did there?)

mrsconn23

MyNameIsNot said:

Something about wanting to jump straight to "the best sex of my partner’s life" rubs me the wrong way. Like, maybe start with being a good partner and go from there. It's not a fucking competition. (See what I did there?)

Very true.  But also, sex and being 'good' at it (which is so subjective) is placed on such a pedestal.  I'm sure the pressure has built in this guy's mind and now he's 25. He probably feels like the time to make mistakes has passed him by.  I feel for him. 

I wish we could teach young people that sex is fun. And messy. And never, ever perfect.  But when you have the right partner(s) and know yourself, you can make it a good time more often than not.  

VarunaTT

If he's really worried about it, he can also buy a dildo that goes over his existing penis to make himself larger.  Those can be a lot of fun and very stimulating for vaginas.  There's really so many things out there for sexual pleasure.  He really needs to educate himself on things and, frankly, just have some sex and figure out what he likes and what his partners like.

ei34

I'd be more "aw poor guy" if his concern was just being good in bed.  I imagine in addition to the size that maybe as one gets older you have an extra something to worry about?  He knocks some sympathy points off though with the obsession to be the "best sex of their life".  Like chill.

short+sassy

I know I don't speak for all women.  But I've always felt that men care about and are a lot more concerned about dick size, than women are.

banana468

short+sassy said:

I know I don't speak for all women.  But I've always felt that men care about and are a lot more concerned about dick size, than women are.

It's not nearly the same 'thing' but this is my feeling about boobs.  Obviously they don't "do" anything for the guy (especially mine that can't touch each other) but it's definitely an inferiority thing especially when I was younger and super small.

Now I'm thrilled that I can wear a backless dress with just tape.