Maid of Honor HELP

Knottie1451101707

Hello!

I’m still in the early stages of planning my wedding, but I’ve already selected my bridal party: 1 MOH and 4 BMs. My MOH has taken it upon herself to plan a bridal shower and it has turned into a nightmare. She made a Facebook group with all of the attendees, including my future family, and made several rude posts (I have screenshots) saying not to ask me anything or say anything to me about the party or she would uninvite them and kick them out of the group. 

When I tried to confront her about the way she’s speaking to my friends and family, she said that it’s her party and that I don’t know how to set boundaries (this situation is making me think she may be right about the boundaries…)

She’s also said that she’s hosting the party in her city (she lives a state over) and that everyone else needs to get over it, even though most of the people invited live in my home state. She’s refused to invite any grandparents, making them feel very slighted. It’s gotten to the point that my mom reached out and told me that a lot of my family won’t be going and are instead planning a separate bridal shower.

I’m at a loss right now. She’s still my best friend, but she’s being rude to my family and that isn’t okay. My fiancé is understandably upset, as is my family, and I’m feeling very much alone and unable to fix the situation. I don’t want to kick her out of the bridal party, but I think that’s what it’s going to come down to.

levioosa

Knottie1451101707 said:

Hello!

I’m still in the early stages of planning my wedding, but I’ve already selected my bridal party: 1 MOH and 4 BMs. My MOH has taken it upon herself to plan a bridal shower and it has turned into a nightmare. She made a Facebook group with all of the attendees, including my future family, and made several rude posts (I have screenshots) saying not to ask me anything or say anything to me about the party or she would uninvite them and kick them out of the group. 

When I tried to confront her about the way she’s speaking to my friends and family, she said that it’s her party and that I don’t know how to set boundaries (this situation is making me think she may be right about the boundaries…)

She’s also said that she’s hosting the party in her city (she lives a state over) and that everyone else needs to get over it, even though most of the people invited live in my home state. She’s refused to invite any grandparents, making them feel very slighted. It’s gotten to the point that my mom reached out and told me that a lot of my family won’t be going and are instead planning a separate bridal shower.

I’m at a loss right now. She’s still my best friend, but she’s being rude to my family and that isn’t okay. My fiancé is understandably upset, as is my family, and I’m feeling very much alone and unable to fix the situation. I don’t want to kick her out of the bridal party, but I think that’s what it’s going to come down to.

Kicking someone out of the BP is usually a friendship ending move, so just be prepared if you choose to do that. 

Is this out of character for her? Is she usually like this with planning other things?

MobKaz

Define "early stage" of your wedding.  If you are more than a year out from your wedding date, the wedding party should barely be selected, let alone any pre-wedding parties.  Tell your MOH that as much as you appreciate her enthusiasm, that the majority of your family are not willing/able to travel for pre-wedding events. 

Tell her you don't expect or want your bridal party to plan any events.  That is the simplest and most diplomatic way to end the madness.  It sounds as if your family is willing to host a shower, and no one "needs" a bachelorette party.  Keep the remainder of your wedding plans to yiourself.

MyNameIsNot

Rather than kicking her out of the wedding altogether, it seems that the easy solution here is to just decline the shower. But I agree, is this out of character for her? It seems like pretty odd behavior and I'd be wondering if something else is going on that you don't know about. 

banana468

I think there's a few issues here.

Let her know that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt but when your family shared visuals of her conversations with them you do need to tell her that her comments are not only reflecting poorly on her but poorly on you ESPECIALLY with your future in laws.  

Is what she planned a bachelorette or a shower?  If she isn't including key people who should be invited and she's making it in a location that's already difficult to get to then I'd be clear, "Thank you so much for wanting to plan that party.  Due to the logistics involved and the people who can't be included I really appreciate what you're wanting to do but need to turn that down because I am not comfortable accepting an event so far away that excludes people that are very important." 


Now look and ask yourself if this is how she always is and if there's something out of character for her or if this is par for the course. 

short+sassy

I'm also on Team "politely decline the shower".  If there is no party for her to plan, than all of this nonsense stops.  She'll probably be miffed about it, but that's too bad.  She's upsetting your family and FILs with her actions.  You already tried to talk to her about this and she overrode you.

I understand it's easier for her to plan the shower where she lives.  But when it inconveniences all/most of the guests, then it's a bad choice and she shouldn't have offered to host this party.