Oh LW, I hope you have one person who will support without judgement.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My soon-to-be ex-husband “Finn” had this friend “Rey” he’d been close to since high school. Even though I trusted Finn totally, everyone always treated Rey like a threat to me. My mom saw him dancing with her at our wedding and warned me to keep an eye on her. My sisters and friends made faces and nasty comments at any mention of her. I had to hide whenever he did stuff with her because they’d all go off on how he must be cheating. I always just felt insulted that they couldn’t see how Finn would choose me over her; I don’t fit the societal beauty standard like she does but I am attractive. Finn told me that despite being such good friends he never wanted a relationship with Rey, because firstly, she’s bi and too promiscuous for him, and secondly, she’s white, and as a Black man he always wanted to marry and have children with a Black woman, like me.

Well, Rey must have finally had enough of being the side piece. Friday night she bombed me with forwards of their X-rated texts and photos, going back to before Finn and I even met. Finn apologized and tried to promise the sex would stop, but I’m not having it. The marriage is over, I’m just grateful I’m not pregnant yet. Should I hide the reason we’re divorcing from my friends and family? The thought of all the “I told you so’s” is unbearable. I feel like I’d just look like a fool admitting everyone was right this whole time, and I was an idiot. But will I regret not swallowing my shame so I can have some honest emotional support?

— They Told Me So

banana468

If they already feel this way it's likely that there's no lie that will help and the truth eventually comes out.

If I were you LW I would find at least one person that you can confide in.

But also, consider that if a lot of people are telling you this then consider that perhaps you had a bit of a case of love blinders.  If you look back, can you see the signs that he was interested and cheating?  This is not blaming you in any way but it's telling you to look for ways that you can spot this behavior should you encounter it in a future partner.

short+sassy

I agree the LW should find one or a few people, who can be a supportive outlet for all the rants she has and will have.  For anyone else, it's nobody's business why they are divorcing and she doesn't need to talk about it.  Most people will probably find out, but hopefully take the cue that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Some counseling should help her.  Especially to manage feeling foolish, tricked, and the self doubt that comes with it.

On top of what Finn did to the LW, that's a lot of misogyny going on also.  Actually calling his mistress "too promiscuous".  At least Rey wasn't lying to and cheating on their spouse.