Second Weddings

My second wedding his first

Im lost…. So i got married in 2015 and divorced in 2016… now engaged this July after 4 yrs happened last week told our parents. My mom and dad who put a ton out (money) in to my first. I my mom straight up is like you wanna get married it up to you to pay for it. I make like 35ish him about 40k ish just got the job about a month ago. We this week decided on a date of 9/23/23 and well im stressed it like we have to do everything he wants a small wedding i want a medium some what one. But what are the rules what now on my end he never been married. What can i do or not…. Been trying to sell my dress but my mom has said oh you have a dress he never seen do i wear that how do i afford thing it like every penny going to this…. I can diy stuff but it driving me crazy…. And it been a week and my parents have made me felt like all we well do is show up …. I want to have a good one and i know he is the one i want and my last. So some advice here please lost and confused 

Re: My second wedding his first

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Im lost…. So i got married in 2015 and divorced in 2016… now engaged this July after 4 yrs happened last week told our parents. My mom and dad who put a ton out (money) in to my first. I my mom straight up is like you wanna get married it up to you to pay for it. I make like 35ish him about 40k ish just got the job about a month ago. We this week decided on a date of 9/23/23 and well im stressed it like we have to do everything he wants a small wedding i want a medium some what one. But what are the rules what now on my end he never been married. What can i do or not…. Been trying to sell my dress but my mom has said oh you have a dress he never seen do i wear that how do i afford thing it like every penny going to this…. I can diy stuff but it driving me crazy…. And it been a week and my parents have made me felt like all we well do is show up …. I want to have a good one and i know he is the one i want and my last. So some advice here please lost and confused 
    No one is required to pay for your wedding. It was very nice of your parents to pay for your first one. Again, that was not required. 

    Figure out a budget that you and your FI can afford. Do this first before anything else. 

    If your mom is suggesting you re-wear your old wedding dress, that's a big nope from me. I wouldn't want to do that, but really it's your decision. 
    banana468charlotte989875
  • maine7mobmaine7mob Maine, USA member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    Have the wedding you can afford. Figure out your budget without going into debt or expecting your parents to help. They've paid for a wedding and are done. I get this. I was in your shoes many years ago (had the big first wedding paid for by my parents, got divorced, then remarried 3 years later, and it was also his first and only wedding.). We paid for it all ourselves. I bought an inexpensive less formal dress. He bought a suit that he could wear to work (and did, for about 20 years!) Tea party reception. Maybe 40 guests, because that's how many we could afford to host. Don't rewear your dress and don't make guests pay for booze. If you can't afford booze, have a dry wedding. This is all manageable if you do your budget first!
  • Echoing others but adding- I’d leave your Mom out of money related conversations. She hasn’t offered any money so she doesn’t need to weigh in on how or what you’re paying for. 

    You and your FI should sit down and figure out how much you’re comfortable spending. Then figure out a potential guest list. Then start looking for locations that will fit everyone for the budget you two have set. 

    As for the dress- only you can & should make this choice. If you want to wear it, great but if you don’t (and totally I totally get why) then sell it and get something you feel great in. Or if you like the fit, maybe a seamstress could make adjustments (add lace/ overlays, adjust neckline/ sleeves) so that it feels like a new dress but at a significantly cheaper price? 

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