Classic Prudie: All parents have days when they like one child better than another

short+sassy

I am so ashamed to be writing this to you: I like one of my kids more than the other. I am a stay-at-home mother with two children, a 4-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. My daughter has a bright, inquisitive mind and a big personality. She loves to dance and sing and be the center of attention. She is funny and sassy and spirited. She is also as stubborn as a mule, has a hair-trigger temper, and throws screaming tantrums. My son is fun, too, but sweet and more mellow. We have worked hard not to give in to my daughter’s tantrums. (Our pediatrician recommended a book on strong-willed children.) I try to discipline them evenhandedly, but it is getting hard. By the end of the day I’m resentful and grumpy about her demands and constant, rapid-fire questions. I love her, and that is why I feel so guilty that I am starting to prefer her easier sibling. I have not discussed this with my husband; I confided in my sister, and she expressed disapproval. I would like to change my feelings.

CharmedPam

Can you even determine this when kids are this young! Personalities change so often!

charlotte989875

To change your feelings you need to change your behaviors. What is causing the most tension for you with her behavior, how can you change your response so that you’re not so triggered? You’re the adult here and you need to recognize you can control how you react, and if you’re consistently feeling you don’t like how you’re reacting, take a step back and figure what you can change. 

MyNameIsNot

Maybe talk to a therapist. Four year olds are generally difficult in one way or another. Acknowledging that your older is the one who tries your patience at the current stage is fine, but translating to not liking her is concerning.

I almost wonder if there's some internalized misogyny here with going to the stubborn and temper. All kids are stubborn and throw tantrums. 

short+sassy

I didn't see this as the LW is treating her children unfairly.  I saw it more as her guilt that, right now, she enjoys the "easier" child more.  That makes sense to me and will probably fluctuate through phases.

Plus I think kids subconsciously pick up on things more than we think they do.  The 2-year-old sees his sister is already being the loud, outgoing one.  So he makes himself more unique by being the quiet, easygoing one.