Monday

Casadena

Rainy day here and wishing I was home alone reading in bed. Alas, I am already done with 2 meetings and have a long to do list at work.  G hasn't been feeling well all weekend and it's been kind of a wake up call that even when the meds aren't knocking him out (he's a got a week off of everything), he's still a really sick little kid.  Lots of feelings at the moment.  How was everyones weekend?

MissKittyDanger

Weekend was .... not good.

Started great.
M was suppose to go to football game but SFIL had a massive headache. He sent tix to M but he didn't go.
M went to see Jurassic Park {he was not a fan fyi} because BK and I planned a girls night.
We basically got in our pjs, had dino nuggets, did our nails, and watched Shrek 4 while having snacks.

Saturday started well but went bad really quick.
M signed up for the gym - very excited for him - and after I had to lie down for a bit. BK tried to nap with me, but she wouldn't settle down so M came to get her.

Felt better after and M went to visit a friend of his for a chat. He hasn't seen his buddies in awhile, and one is not in great place.
M came home, and lay down before dinner.

Then BK just started misbehaving. Like not listening, acting out. It was meltdown mode.
Early bed. We figured because she skipped nap, she was extra tired and acted out.

Well Sunday went really bad also, and we ensured she had a nap.
Ended up taking a drive so BK could settle and we could all talk. Explain to BK she can't act out - she sometimes swings and this time she ended up hitting M - and if she's upset she needs to try and use her words like Daniel Tiger says.
We said if she's upset and can't use her words, she needs to find another thing. Maybe go sit somewhere else - like a calming corner idea? - and settle. Give herself a minute kinda deal.

We'll see.
M & I discussed a sticker a day for good behavior.
Positive reinforcement also. Like mini rewards on good days. Big rewards for multiple good days. That way we have something to "take away" essentially.

Who knows if it'll work but we have to start somewhere and try something.

charlotte989875

That’s so tough @Casadena, all the good vibes for G. How do the doctors feel about how he is responding? It’s always okay to be in your feelings- this is a huge, scary thing. And even if the meds & prognosis are good and working, is still your kid who is sick. Thinking of you all! 

charlotte989875

Weekend was good & exhausting & sad. 

A (not so) Baby M birthday party on Saturday. It was super hot (like in the high 80s and humid) and M was tired because of his Covid vaccine the day before. But he liked the cake and had a good time. Today is his actually birthday and he asked for cake when I told him it was his birthday. He ate the icing and asked for blueberries and max and cheese. 

But on a super sad note; H’s cousin delivered the baby and got to hold him as he passed. We’re all really sad for them. 

MissKittyDanger

@Casadena poor G

@charlotte989875 happy bday baby M  
Hard moment for your H's cousin  

Casadena

@charlotte989875 his oncology team seems really happy with how he's doing with everything.  Overall, he hasn't had severe reactions to most of his meds and does really well taking everything.  Technically he's in remission, which was the goal of the first 6 weeks of intense treatment (~90% cancer cells in bone marrow to less than 1% in that first phase).  His treatment phase right now is a slightly less intense version of the first 6 weeks so it's definitely normal that he's not feeling very energetic or "good" and that will probably last through mid-Sept minimum.  Expecting delays and some hospitalizations before then but we're hoping he'll be able to go back to school sometime in October. 

He'll still have treatment after that but it will range from every 6-12 weeks as opposed to every 7-10 days like now.  Just excited for him to feel a little more normal.  

short+sassy

@Casadena, I hope G starts feeling better and your work day gets easier.  

@MissKittyDanger, I hope BK is able to control her outbursts more.  I'm sure it's hard to have big emotions in a little kid's body!

@charlotte989875, Happy birthday to Baby M!  Ts and Ps for your H's cousin.  It's heartbreaking.

Overall, I had a good weekend.  On Friday, my poor H spent most of the day fixing some things he'd missed at the two rental units we just had people move into.  Which meant I had to take on the brunt of finishing our Costco gig.  But it got done.  Saturday and Sunday were mostly lazy.  On Sunday, we ran a couple errands and visited a nearby restaurant that had a lunch special for Restaurant Month.  We've been there before.  We both had the pork belly sandwich.  It was yummy and only $20/person for the sandwich plus an appetizer.

I also added on another appetizer.  I forgot this place has an "Alabama White" sauce that is extra good.  It's the thickness of a ranch dressing, but is flavorful with lots of herbs/spices and garlic.  It has the mildest touch of spiciness.  I got a dozen wings with that sauce, for later.  They also had a $5 cocktail of the day special.  It was a strawberry lemonade mojito.  I could tell they used either real strawberries or strawberry juice.  Delicious! 

And THAT'S how a $40 lunch turns into $100, after tax, tip, and the extra goodies, lol.

MissKittyDanger

@short+sassy they are such big emotions that we just have tried so much before getting to this but it escalates so fast sometimes  

banana468

K is 3 right? 

FWIW, I thought that the 3&4 years were worse than the 1&2 years and...it doesn't get better.  We had to do time outs, work on incentives and just deal with the attitudes that come with toddlerhood.  They're figuring out ways to assert themselves and even yesterday, it can come across SO POORLY in my 11 YO.   

The weekend was by far fantastic.

Saturday we went to the home of family friends I haven't seen in years.  It was so good to catch up and we wound up staying until nearly 10.

Sunday I looked at the serving schedule and no one was listed so at midnight I signed Chiquita up to serve at the 11 and then after mass we got ready to go out on the boat and use the new tube.  The kids LOVED It and I'm just bummed that I can't use it until we get another grown up in the boat with DH.  Chiquita started to act like Hermione Grainger's bitchy sister by the end of the day and I think the heat was getting to her.  By the time she'd had a shower she was calmed down and DH and I chilled out watching Righteous Gemstones before bed. 

MissKittyDanger

@banana468 BK just turned 4 - I've heard of this being an issue too   
We know she's boundary pushing and tired timeouts but they don't always work. Or she thinks it's a game - then as she's lashing out.

I'm hoping the positive reinforcement works - or at least gives us all some direction on what does work

banana468

MissKittyDanger said:

@banana468 BK just turned 4 - I've heard of this being an issue too   
We know she's boundary pushing and tired timeouts but they don't always work. Or she thinks it's a game - then as she's lashing out.

I'm hoping the positive reinforcement works - or at least gives us all some direction on what does work

You're right - psychologically positive reinforcement is the best way that a kid responds.

But punishment and time outs can work eventually.  Don't be surprised if she lashes out.  It's what kids do.  They get to lash out and express themselves and then pull it back in.

STARMOON44

Alabama White is a horrific name for a sauce! 

ILoveBeachMusic

@MissKittyDanger, the grand twins are going through the same thing - it is definitely the age. Yes positive reinforcements help. Time outs are difficult at this age because they often won't stay in place.

We will be headed home tomorrow. It has been a good visit. The twins want to come back to Nana and Papa's house for another "camp". LOL that doesn't happen again until next summer but I have reassured them they can come to visit us anytime Mama and Daddy want to come down! We are all going to be at the beach together next month so they have that to look forward to.

banana468

Our time out zone is the mat near a door.  We also do 1 min per age.  So at age 4 your time out is 4 minutes. 

Growing up time outs were on the carpeted stairs.  I have a girlfriend who now jokes that I need 42 minutes on the blue stairs.

mrsconn23

Weekend was all right. 

Friday, SIL/BFF called to tell me she was on her way to town to stay with us because her stepdad had passed away.  It wasn't exactly expected, but not unexpected.  She's had a difficult time with her mom for years because her mom has undiagnosed mental issues and has been quite unstable/pushed her away for a long time. Like, her mom doesn't really know her kids at all and has seen them maybe a handful of times in their lives, and not for lack of trying on SIL's part (my mom did grandma-ish stuff for her kids from time to time because she felt bad for SIL and my nephews).  Plus, SIL did try to end-run around her mom and go to her stepdad once or twice (before he was in really bad shape) and her mom freaked out on her.  SIL has known her stepdad's health was declining, but any help she offered was turned away or there was no response.  And SIL has been handling her (maternal) grandma's affairs for years, plus is a SAHM to 2 kids.  So yeah.  She tried to help her mom start to figure things out and they did have a funeral plan set up, so it was just a matter of meeting with them regarding handling his body and then what kind of memorial service to have (it will be at a later time).  I told her she can't unfuck 25+ years of fuckery with someone who doesn't want help.  She knows, but it's still just hard and sucks.  She's been in therapy on and off, so I'm hoping she plans a session soon so she can start talking this out and processing stuff. 

Saturday, we were supposed to go boating, but we scuttled that plan.  Before SIL had called, I planned a small impromptu cookout with some friends of ours.  It all ended up working out and our neighbor's let us use their pool. We swam after dinner.  SIL came back from helping her mom and rested for a bit before joining the party.  She knew the people who were coming over and had seen them socially in the past, so it wasn't a bunch of strangers to her.  My dad came over too and I think he really enjoyed himself. 

Sunday, DH and DefConn went to Colts practice. I stayed home and saw SIL off, plus it was so dang hot.   I did a little clean up, some work stuff, and napped.  The boys got home and we pretty much chilled the rest of the day.  I watched the rest of the current season of Selling Sunset.  I love that stupid show and it's perfect brain drain for a lazy Sunday. We ate leftovers and snacks and went to bed early.

((hugs)) @Casadena and @charlotte989875. 

ILoveBeachMusic

banana468 said:

Our time out zone is the mat near a door.  We also do 1 min per age.  So at age 4 your time out is 4 minutes. 

Growing up time outs were on the carpeted stairs.  I have a girlfriend who now jokes that I need 42 minutes on the blue stairs.

Yes 1 minute per year of age is what we did with our kids (our place was at the bottom of carpeted stairs too). DD put her self in time out one time because she need some calming time!

MissKittyDanger

@banana468 @ILoveBeachMusic we do timeouts also but they're working less and less.
We don't leave her alone because she won't stay. We'll sit by her and wait until she's settled and then explain why she's on time out.
Wait a bit. Ask her if she's going to use "listening ears" or "use her words instead of hitting" {examples}
Sometimes the entire time we have to get her to settle - yesterday it escalated so bad and so fast  

I printed a calendar so she has more visual of stickers.
We told her today if she has listening ears all day, her and daddy can go puddle stomping for a bit {probably after dinner}

VarunaTT

I'm in a foul mood.  I don't really have a reason why except **waves arms around wildy** all of this and my period.  Which wouldn't be that bad except WTF IS HAPPENING WITH TAMPONS?!?!  My body does NOT like this short chunky "click" type tampons and never has liked the short fat ones and that's all I can find.  So, Im' basically uncomfortable all damn day until they decide to fall out and then I replace them.  I cannot find my regular ones for less than $40 a box and just....no.  I just can't.

I just had my brows and lip done.  Wednesday I get my home sleep study.  I'll read through all the directions and then decide which night I'm going to use it.  I want to see some friends, but it's in the "can you just sit like 6 feet from me and stare at your phone/book and not talk to me, but I know you're there, so it's good" way.  I have a handful of friends that will understand that, but I also have to make an effort and I don't want to do that either.  Basically, i'm human fail today.

MobKaz

Accessible sensory bins can help with melt downs. I have helped DD and DS set their homes up with safe spaces and tool boxes.  Tool boxes are filled with a variety of fidget toys with parameters of how/why/when to use certain fidgets. 

Loud fidgets, such as accordion like plastic tubes, give kids some needed proprioceptive input to calm down their central nervous systems.  As they push and pull the tubes apart, the noise becomes distracting and helps them forget they were in the midst of a meltdown.  Stress balls (Nee Doh), body rollers, pop it fidgets, and stretch bands such as Noodles are all clean and easy fidgets.  Glitter wands and Tangle fidgets can be visually distracting.  Sensory manipulatives, such as Squiqz Toobz or Bristle blocks are often good calming and distracting tools. 

These are not called toys.  They are called tools and the kids only access them during meltdowns.  They remain in the same spots in the house and when meltdowns begin, the kids are reminded to go to their tool box, which is usually near a quiet spot(s) in the house where they can get some peace.  One adult sits somewhere nearby so that if/when the kiddo calms, they know they have an adult nearby to access for a chat or just snuggles.  Most other "talk" is limited.  It doesn't always end in this way, but often mom/dad sits near by with coloring supplies.  You'd be surprised how often the kids either draw a picture of how they feel, or just doodle while they start to talk.  There is the occasional hard scribble and ripping up of paper, because.....kids.

My Owen struggles with transitions, especially the big ones.  He had HARD days when school first ended because he thrives on that predictable (safe) structure.  He's had a great summer, but in this past week has been presenting with melt downs again.  Mom and dad return to their schools this week.  Another hard transition is beginning.  Owen can't pair his feelings with these events, but we have noticed the pattern. 

https://learningexpress.com/lakezurich/squigz toobz-091520.html

https://learningexpress.com/lakezurich/tangle-classic.html

https://learningexpress.com/lakezurich/noodlies.html

**If you sense a hard time is brewing, you could try to head them off at the pass with some activities that may calm their bodies down.  Have them push heavy laundry baskets for you.  Have a "chore" where books need to be carried from point A to point B.  Have them clean out a "Tupperware" cabinet by fitting the containers one into another, or organizing lids from large to small.  Get out manipulative toys so they can push and pull and squeeze things together, or bring out the dreaded play-doh for an hour.

MissKittyDanger

@MobKaz She got a few fidgets for her bday - her fave seems to be popper. I do give it to her in the car often, and we tried that {late} yesterday to help refocus. I might see if we can find triggers and head off the pass

banana468

Good on you for trying to figure those things out.

FWIW, we would tell our kids that time outs didn't start until they calmed down.  It made for some long days but they eventually got it. 

This is the age where they are figuring out who they are and absolutely testing you.  The fidget can help along with sometimes a lovie or anything else that's comforting.  Heck, my daughter now sleeps with the same thing she's had since she was 2.  There are things that she needs to calm down and decompress.  It's all about figuring out what makes them tick inside those tiny brains. 

CharmedPam

@Casadena, that sounds all so stressful. I’m sorry at least the doctors reports are going in the right direction!
@charlotte989875 that’s heartbreaking for your H’s cousin. 

And yes I heard about the terrible 2’s moving over to the terrible 3’s!

@ei34, you didn’t post today, but thinking about you! 

ei34

@Casadena he is such a strong, brave kid!  (My kids would call him a true Gryffindor which is their biggest compliment.)  And he's lucky to have such an incredible mom
@charlotte989875 Happy belated M and praying for cousin and her family
@MissKittyDanger 4 is a tough age...they know exactly what they want but don't always understand why it can't happen.  And they feel really big feelings.  If it's any consolation I've found they get easier with each passing year (no, I do not have teenagers yet)...middle childhood feels like a reward for all the work of the baby/toddler/preschool years, fwiw