Wedding Woes

Turning them over was a bridge too far.

Dear Prudence,

This doesn’t show me in a great light. I am aware.

One of my co-workers lost her daughter in a freak accident recently. My office is somewhat woo-woo, so management brought in a grief counselor for us to process this sad news in three different afternoon sessions. I thought it was a waste of time for me, but some of my other co-workers were closer to the family and seemed to appreciate it. They gave out “Grief Journals” and asked us to fill it in during the sessions, with our responses to various ideas and prompts. At the end they collected them, which I questioned. Mostly because, as previously stated, I thought this was a waste of time and hadn’t really engaged. They assured me the process was anonymous and not to worry.

Turns out they are giving these journals TO the bereaved family. If they’d told us that before, I’d have approached it a lot differently. Instead of, for example, responding to the challenge to “transform our experience of death through storytelling” by writing a short and gory horror prompt about being aware of your body decomposing in the grave (to be fair to me, that was a huge preoccupation of mine after my stepmother’s death when I was a child).

I intend to challenge this with my manager—since even people who approached this process in good faith were asked to write down very personal, painful experiences. If it goes ahead, however, what should I do then? Contact the family and ask them to weed out my journal? Wait and see if they even bother to look at nearly 20 notebooks while going through the worst thing that ever happened to them? I have considered just starting my job search now, in case.

— Never Engage With Work-Sponsored Therapy

Re: Turning them over was a bridge too far.

  • I think I would just approach the manager honestly, while leaving out some details.  "I was told this was anonymous, so I wrote a very personal story to me, working through some old grief.  It is not appropriate for sharing, especially in this situation".  Even if I had appreciated the experience, I wouldn't want my journals shared.
  • Start updating your resume because do you really want to work somewhere that would turn the notebooks over? 

    I worked somewhere an employee lost her infant son. It was terrible and we brought in a grief counselor to help us understand how we could support our colleague. We never once did anything like this letter. 
  • I think this is an awful thing to do to employees. I would definitely talk to the manager and as banana suggested contact an attorney. Get that resume polished.
  • Start updating your resume because do you really want to work somewhere that would turn the notebooks over? 

    I worked somewhere an employee lost her infant son. It was terrible and we brought in a grief counselor to help us understand how we could support our colleague. We never once did anything like this letter. 
    This was really thoughtful.

    Especially when compared to what happened in this letter.  It's mind boggling what this company is even trying to accomplish.  The example the LW gave for one of the writing exercises sounds horrifying for a grieving family to read.

    If I were the LW, I'd find some like-minded coworkers to go to management/HR and demand these notebooks not be given to the family.  For privacy's sake of the employees who wrote them and for the sake of the family.

    There also may have been people who were even less engaged than the LW and just doodled.  Drew pictures, even worse if they were "happy" things.  Stream of consciousness.  Wrote about how dumb the sessions are.

    Plus, there's a big difference between true anonymity and "I can probably figure out who this coworker is by their writing style/details/handwriting".
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I would not have participated in this AT ALL and any company requiring it is batshit.  Tell your manager it has personal info that is not at all appropriate for the grieving family and you will be taking it back.  Don't ask for it back, just tell them you're getting it back.  Also, why TF did you turn this notebook in to someone else in the first place even if you felt like you had to participate.  You're allowed to say no to things.  Get TF out of there. 
  • Wtf. I work in an industry where grief counselors have been frequently offered following instances of moral injury, staff losses, traumatic patient losses, etc and I have never even heard of something like this. I personally don’t think I would have even turned over my journal. And this is also why I have trust issues with companies. “Write down your personal thoughts…tell us how you really feel…” no thank you. 


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  • levioosa said:
    Wtf. I work in an industry where grief counselors have been frequently offered following instances of moral injury, staff losses, traumatic patient losses, etc and I have never even heard of something like this. I personally don’t think I would have even turned over my journal. And this is also why I have trust issues with companies. “Write down your personal thoughts…tell us how you really feel…” no thank you. 
    Exactly.  It's a workplace not an intervention.    
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