How to inform guests of new wedding date (3rd time!) ?

MobKaz

For any brides-to-be reading this post, a few FACTS……..

The first day of your marriage starts with a ceremony, a license, and a signature.  It is what legally binds you to your partner.  It can involve anyone from 2 persons to 2000 persons.  ALL these ceremonies have the same end result; marriage.  Anything beyond that, while significant and meaningful, is either a convalidation, vow renewal, or theater.  

littleluckyme

For any brides-to-be reading this post, a few FACTS... 

My DH and I were legally married as is required to have our religious wedding ceremony in France. In France, there are two ceremonies then celebrations. A wedding is a marriage ceremony including the associated celebrations. It is all referred to as a WEDDING !

And many couples get their marriage licenses before their destination WEDDINGS !  And lastly, do not let anyone deter you from enjoying YOUR day and YOUR moment. YOU can call it your wedding or anything you want for that matter, even theater if you so choose !! OUR wedding will happen in France as we planned. The etiquette police can't change that no matter how much it upsets them 😊

banana468

It's great that you are able to have the religious convalidation ceremony now.  The important part is that you specify what you're doing so your guests understand that this is Sacramental and not legal.  As you know,  in the US, a religious ceremony IS the legal ceremony and splitting it from the legal ceremony is considered a convalidation.  It was so important that we had our marriage license to present to the church that we were told flat out that the ceremony would not have occurred without it.

You want the IRS and your health insurance companies and the complete strangers there to see you as married.  The important part is that your guests are fully informed as to what they're witnessing.

MyNameIsNot

littleluckyme said:

For any brides-to-be reading this post, a few FACTS... 

My DH and I were legally married as is required to have our religious wedding ceremony in France. In France, there are two ceremonies then celebrations. A wedding is a marriage ceremony including the associated celebrations. It is all referred to as a WEDDING !

And many couples get their marriage licenses before their destination WEDDINGS !  And lastly, do not let anyone deter you from enjoying YOUR day and YOUR moment. YOU can call it your wedding or anything you want for that matter, even theater if you so choose !! OUR wedding will happen in France as we planned. The etiquette police can't change that no matter how much it upsets them 😊

Just like naming a cat Dog does not make it canine, pretending to get married does not make this a wedding. 

climbingsingle

Your wedding was in 2018 when you eloped. 

Congrats on your vow renewal! 

littleluckyme

There seems to be a lot of confusion here. As this is a Destination Wedding forum, I am happy to explain further to correct the falsehoods and clear up the accusations and childish mockery.

I am a U.S. citizen and my DH is a French citizen. We always planned to have a traditional French wedding, meaning we will have a religious wedding ceremony. You may only have a religious ceremony after a civil ceremony has taken place, either in France or in your own country (it is legally required in France). As mentioned, we had our civil ceremony in the U.S. in 2018 (prior to our twins birth) - regardless we would have been legally required to have the civil ceremony in 2020 prior to our initial 2020 wedding date in France. But because of the pandemic, it is now (finally!) happening in 2023! 

It is still our Wedding and it is not "play acting", we are not "pretending to get married". It is not vow renewals, theater, "cats and dogs" or whatever else anyone "feels like" calling it. It is and will always be a Wedding. To not call this our Wedding is an insult to our French family, their tradition and culture. When we send our invitations it will be an invitation to our mariage, which in French means WEDDING! 

All our French family and friends expect to be invited to a mariage (wedding), not a vow renewal. A Wedding. 

With any Destination Wedding, couples need to consider whether they can actually get legally married at their destination of choice or if they need to have a civil ceremony in advance in their home country. Legal requirements differ depending on where you want to get married. MANY couples choose to have the civil ceremony in their home country and then have their "Destination WEDDING!" (no one refers to this as "Destination Vow Renewals")

 

banana468

littleluckyme said:

There seems to be a lot of confusion here. As this is a Destination Wedding forum, I am happy to explain further to correct the falsehoods and clear up the accusations and childish mockery.

I am a U.S. citizen and my DH is a French citizen. We always planned to have a traditional French wedding, meaning we will have a religious wedding ceremony. You may only have a religious ceremony after a civil ceremony has taken place, either in France or in your own country (it is legally required in France). As mentioned, we had our civil ceremony in the U.S. in 2018 (prior to our twins birth) - regardless we would have been legally required to have the civil ceremony in 2020 prior to our initial 2020 wedding date in France. But because of the pandemic, it is now (finally!) happening in 2023! 

It is still our Wedding and it is not "play acting", we are not "pretending to get married". It is not vow renewals, theater, "cats and dogs" or whatever else anyone "feels like" calling it. It is and will always be a Wedding. To not call this our Wedding is an insult to our French family, their tradition and culture. When we send our invitations it will be an invitation to our mariage, which in French means WEDDING! 

All our French family and friends expect to be invited to a mariage (wedding), not a vow renewal. A Wedding. 

With any Destination Wedding, couples need to consider whether they can actually get legally married at their destination of choice or if they need to have a civil ceremony in advance in their home country. Legal requirements differ depending on where you want to get married. MANY couples choose to have the civil ceremony in their home country and then have their "Destination WEDDING!" (no one refers to this as "Destination Vow Renewals")

 

There is an expectation that the span of time in EU countries between the Civil and religious ceremonies be measured in days and not years.  

Furthermore, if this is truly because faith was of paramount need then most churches request that cohabitating couples live celibate so as to not consummate the union until AFTER the religious ceremony.  

So which was truly more important?  The faith or the destination?  You made choices.   You can call this what you feel like calling it.  You are a married woman and this will be the religious blessing of your union.  

littleluckyme

@banana468

The religious ceremony may typically take place days or months later but it is not uncommon for it to happen up to a year or even years later, especially for those who are do not reside in France. Ours would have happened a year and half after but again, the pandemic changed that (as it did for so many couples). There is no set rule and certainly no 'expectation' from the law, the church or from our families and friends. Everyone is understanding. The french do not hold such 'expectations' at least not in the high standards Americans do (from my personal experience).

And I am not here to discuss the depths of our faith with you. We all make choices and we are certainly happy with ours. Nobody is perfect and He is aware of this. The church welcomes us with open arms and we are grateful.  A religious ceremony is the heart of french tradition and culture and the 'destination' is home in France. It is all important and it will be the most blessed and beautiful wedding day, we can't wait 🥰

banana468

Just out of curiosity are you Catholic?

banana468

I should elaborate, the reason I asked is because there are indeed requirements to marry in the church and that is because marrying in a Catholic church in any location is not simply a tradition but is a Sacrament with requirements to meet and requirements of faith that are to be adhered to both before and after receiving it.  

A marriage in the Church celebrates vows and requires the couple to adhere to Catholic doctrine.  My point about the expectation of the church is that if that wasn't conveyed yet to you then it will be when you speak to either the priest officiating in France or complete Pre Cana in the US.  

Jen4948

"Legally married" = "married."