Wedding Woes

Sounds like *you* need to step up, LW.

Dear Prudence,

My wife is an amazing woman. Amazing mother (couldn’t and wouldn’t ask for more).
A great provider (working a shitty job now so we can live more comfortably). A great wife (loyal, honest, and a team player). My best friend (period, no doubts, no regrets, my best friend for the rest of my life). The one aspect that falls short in my perception is our love life.

I was transferring files from our old computer to the new one recently and ran across old pictures of her and her high school/college boyfriends (some of them racy). I got jealous. Not because she had sexual relationships with them or loved them. I got jealous because it shows an amount of effort that I feel is missing, particularly in our intimate life. She put on makeup, put on an outfit, took pictures, sexually experimented with them, initiated sex, and had foreplay with them, and I’m sure other things that pushed her outside her comfort zone in order to impress/show that she cared/desired/wanted them.

In my mind, as her husband I thought I would get, at the very least, an equal amount of effort, and because I do not I think myself lesser than these previous partners in her eyes—less desirable, less cared for, less loved, less wanted. It depresses me. I have asked, nagged, pleaded, begged, bribed, and guilted her into doing a fraction of that, and my own self-worth falls because of it. I see the only way to get her to do those things is if she just wants to shut me up.

I know she puts forth so much effort on all the other fronts of her life in order to make a great life for her kids/family that it physically and emotionally exhausts her. Can I ask for more without being selfish?

— B+ for Effort

Re: Sounds like *you* need to step up, LW.

  • Huh.  I see this amazing list of what this amazing woman is doing.

    WTF is this dude doing besides bitching?
  • Eww. This makes me want to vomit. Which is probably why she isn’t into him either. 
  • LW, when's the last time you used a toilet brush, vacuum cleaner, pruned the shrubs or swept the floors? If you know that she's physically exhausted after doing all those things have you tried to HELP HER? 

    FFS, the reason it was easy years ago was because she likely didn't have a house or kids and therefore the additional effort was likely THE effort of the day.  Flash forward to making sure that people have taken their gummy vitamins and if you want people to put forth an effort into sexually pleasing you you need to show them that you value their time. 

    LW, stop being an arrogant crybaby asshole, pick up a broom and make the dinner and see if that gets you further than your whining. 
  • LW I don't think you understand how being a parent and working a shitty job can really drain your desire to do anything,  especially sex.  Please try to ask her for more and I really hope the response is to punch you in the dick.  

    Seriously the laundry list of how awesome she is and how much she does, and you have the audacity to ask for more instead of offering to take something OFF her list.  If you start doing the dishes, laundry, more parenting, get a better job so she doesn't need to work a shitty one, etc., you may find she'll be DTF more often. But sure, go off about how you're jealous that she had more time for fucking and being 'sexy' in the days when she had way less going on.  Maybe she had a partner that wasn't dead weight?? 
  • I fon’t even have kids/stressful life and I don’t put 1/2 the effort into my self than I used to.  I think that comes with age.  

  • Step 1 - LW needs to step it up. Maybe not necessarily in the bedroom style, but in life.

    Step 2 - if you want something in the bedroom, maybe start communicating. Even you're not having sex much, start maybe having more intimate moments.

    Sounds odd, but during post pardum I was not into sex much for a long time {also mental health related} but I still wanted that connection.
    I found even sitting together - like really close on the couch. Cuddling but not? - and just watching a movie was good. It was the close part I wanted/needed
  • Outside of what everyone else has said, I'm going to guess that she didn't just wonder into your marriage in stretchy pants and a top knot. I'll be she did do those things when you were dating and your relationship was fresh and new. I'll bet you also did yourself up, took her on fun dates and surprised her with flowers or little gifts. Do you still act like you're trying to get her to fall in love with you? I'm guessing no. 
    THIS
  • Outside of what everyone else has said, I'm going to guess that she didn't just wonder into your marriage in stretchy pants and a top knot. I'll be she did do those things when you were dating and your relationship was fresh and new. I'll bet you also did yourself up, took her on fun dates and surprised her with flowers or little gifts. Do you still act like you're trying to get her to fall in love with you? I'm guessing no. 
    No he's throwing pity parties instead of cleaning.

    Believe me I get this from my own H from time to time and I love him with all my heart but sometimes he's just too dumb to get it. 

    And I say this as I shared with him my friend's latest 'how to have a clean house' video which basically said, 'don't live with anyone and if you do, you'll need to get rid of them'
  • Split up because you’re a bad husband. 
  • Ew. Your wife deserves so much better. 


    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards