Wedding Woes

Definitely start calling it out..."rudely".

Dear Prudence,

I have some complicated feelings. I am petite, to the point of being diagnosed with proportional dwarfism and protected under the ADA against discrimination because of it, (less than 4’10” and my highest body weight has been 96 lbs., think “living doll”) and because of this, I look between the ages of 12-to-17 depending on my outfit/makeup of the day, despite being 23. I often get comments like “wow, you’re so short,” “I thought you were somebody’s little child,” or even the “M-word” screamed at me across the street, and I’ve even been denied alcohol purchases despite having my legal, valid ID, without any question or comment from managements. I usually kind of just blink at the people, let them marinate in their stupidity of “you literally just said that to another person.”

But it gets so much worse with my partner. They’re 6’6”, extremely tall, and look their age of 30. When we’re together in public, we’ve had people physically touch us to separate us and ask how old I was. On a recent vacation together, they left to go to the bathroom as I was standing in line for caffeine, and a TSA agent approached me and asked if I knew them and was safe, regardless of my partner handing me the rolling luggage to keep and me not showing any typical signs of trafficking, even talking to the family in front of us on their way to Disneyland. This has happened several times, from doctors to shop attendants to just people on the street. I usually brush it off, get slightly annoyed, or just don’t even react anymore. Should I start causing scenes and crying “discrimination,” or keep silently seething?

— Short Fuse is Getting Shorter


Re: Definitely start calling it out..."rudely".

  • I think you’re going to need to come up with a standard “I am aware i look young, but I am actually 23 and your concern is unwarranted.”  But I also don’t like a 23 year old saying a 30 year old. 
  • I agree with coming up with a standard reply.

    (Simone Biles, is that you?)
    image
  • I was reminded of that brief, reality tv show with a woman who is about that age.  Except she looked even younger than a teenager.

    Having theatrics is just going to make her feel more annoyed and feel worse.  She's already handling it well, by ignoring it as best she can.  I agree with having a phrase, like what @STARMOON44 mentioned.  That's what I used to do.

    I had similar incidents when I was a young adult.  But it wasn't as severe or as often, as what sounds like happens to her.  I was a little taller and heavier than her, 5'0" and 105 lbs.  I also made it a point to speak confidently, so people took me more seriously and believed me when I said how old I was. 

    I would be quizzed all the time over my ID.  But there was only one time someone refused to believe it was my ID and wouldn't serve me.

    I remember dating this one guy when I was 19.  He was 23.  I looked like I was 15 or 16 and he looked older, like late 20s, because he had a mustache.  People gave him the dirtiest looks everywhere we went.  He got pulled over for speeding once.  The police officer gave me a concerned look and asked how old I was.  I told him I was 19 and offered to show him my ID, but he told me that was okay. 

    However, the one time I think it would be appropriate to have theatrics is if when someone physically touches her to pull her away from her b/f.  That is definitely a "WTF are you doing? Get your hands off me," moment.

    Though the TSA agent didn't do that and I actually don't blame them for going over to talk to her.  Children and young teens being trafficked is a huge problem in our world and more common than most people realize.  I'd much rather this agent mildly annoy an adult who looks young, than not say something to a trafficked victim.    
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I was reminded of that brief, reality tv show with a woman who is about that age.  Except she looked even younger than a teenager.

    Having theatrics is just going to make her feel more annoyed and feel worse.  She's already handling it well, by ignoring it as best she can.  I agree with having a phrase, like what @STARMOON44 mentioned.  That's what I used to do.

    I had similar incidents when I was a young adult.  But it wasn't as severe or as often, as what sounds like happens to her.  I was a little taller and heavier than her, 5'0" and 105 lbs.  I also made it a point to speak confidently, so people took me more seriously and believed me when I said how old I was. 

    I would be quizzed all the time over my ID.  But there was only one time someone refused to believe it was my ID and wouldn't serve me.

    I remember dating this one guy when I was 19.  He was 23.  I looked like I was 15 or 16 and he looked older, like late 20s, because he had a mustache.  People gave him the dirtiest looks everywhere we went.  He got pulled over for speeding once.  The police officer gave me a concerned look and asked how old I was.  I told him I was 19 and offered to show him my ID, but he told me that was okay. 

    However, the one time I think it would be appropriate to have theatrics is if when someone physically touches her to pull her away from her b/f.  That is definitely a "WTF are you doing? Get your hands off me," moment.

    Though the TSA agent didn't do that and I actually don't blame them for going over to talk to her.  Children and young teens being trafficked is a huge problem in our world and more common than most people realize.  I'd much rather this agent mildly annoy an adult who looks young, than not say something to a trafficked victim.    
    That's what I was thinking about that situation as well.  

  • If someone is approaching out of caution the LW needs a rehearsed response.    

    Those who joke need to be reminded with an icy stare what isn't funny.  


Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards