Wedding Woes

Are you looking for a fight??

Dear Prudence,

I have a problem that I’m sure is popping up (again) all over the country. My mother is an Evangelical Christian and staunch conservative, while I am very progressive woman. I recently married my wife, and—to her credit—my mom contributed financially and attended happily.
This is a big turnaround from my coming out 15 years ago, when she didn’t speak to me for weeks. However, her political beliefs, and actions, are just gross to me. More importantly, they’re dangerous for me. I can’t get over the fact that she supports me with one hand and votes to make me a second class citizen with the other.

I have a strong inclination to leave the country if Republicans gain power, and it’s not an idle thought; my company will help me to transfer to Europe if I ask. I don’t want to wait around to see if my marriage license becomes void.

My question: Is it worth it to even broach this with her before the next election? Our conversations on politics generally devolve into her yelling and me getting so frustrated I sob. But I feel like it’s relevant information for her to have before she goes to the polls. I don’t want to threaten her; I just want her to know that this could be a consequence of her vote, and I really am serious about it. I don’t think it would destroy our relationship, but I do believe she would lash out.

— Scared in the USA

Re: Are you looking for a fight??

  • You're not going to change her mind. 
  • No it’s not worth it. And if you’re this mad at a woman who has come around enough to pay for your wedding you probably should have declined that money. If you want to move to Europe, just do it. 
  • I don't recommend wasting your time and energy on this conversation. Unfortunately, people with the kind of views you're talking about aren't often inclined to change them, even for the sake of family. You'll only end up wearing yourself out. 
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  • The LW shouldn't bother.  It's just going to upset them both and it won't make a difference.

    Her mother is still not going to change her vote(s).

    Even if she did, at least for presidential elections, her vote doesn't matter unless she's in a swing state or a state that breaks up it's electoral votes by county.

    I know that's not the "popular opinion" because we do want to encourage people to vote.  But it's the truth.

    I've lived in a very blue state where my presidential vote didn't matter, because that state hasn't voted Republican since the '80s .  And now I live in a very red state where my presidential vote doesn't matter, because they've only voted for the Democratic candidate 3x since the '40s.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • So LW, what is the goal here? Do you think that if you talk to your mother and convince her to develop enough empathy to change her vote or abstain that it's going to change the outcome of a future election? Would that make you rethink moving? 

    I think you're holding your mom up as an example and expecting her to speak for all the hypocritical or hateful voters, but she just isn't that powerful. 
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