Classic: I need to know how she 'Karen'd'

mrsconn23

Q. My wife was in a “Karen” video: My wife was in a very stressful situation about a month ago when she was at a park in our hometown. After trying to balance a full-time job while caring for our three children for four months, she honestly just kind of lost it. She snapped. My wife is now the subject of a “Karen” video that made the rounds last month in our town (luckily it didn’t spread beyond that). She was, and still is, horrified by her behavior. She is seeking counseling for both the “snap” and the underlying thoughts and attitudes that came out in the video.

In the meantime, how do we get back our normal life? Many folks around town are understandably freezing us out, and some of my kids’ friends’ parents are refusing play dates. This is only adding to the loneliness and isolation our family had already been feeling because of the pandemic. I hate to see my kids suffering because of my wife’s unconscionable actions. Short of moving to a new town, what can we do to rebuild the relationships that used to keep us grounded in this awful time?

short+sassy

I need more details on what happened in this video.  I don't like judging people on what may have been a bad day or with extenuating circumstances/background that people can't tell from a video.  Though the H did call it "unconscionable".

I don't think there is a solution to this problem, other than time.  The wife can explain herself and her remorse to people they are/were friends with.  But, if the video is egregious enough, they might still shun her.

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with @short+sassy. Also, can I just say I hate the term Karen'd. Can you guess what my name is?

climbingsingle

It's definitely concerning that he says she's in therapy to deal with "underlying thoughts and attitudes". It makes me think it was something racist or homophobic. And if that's the case, I totally understand why they'd all be iced out. Not much to do accept apologize profusely and hope people are kind enough to forgive and forget. 

I actually found out that a HS friend of mine made national news when she interrupted a couple's engagement to accuse them of shoplifting. She harassed them multiple times and was accused of racially profiling them. She was fired over it - rightfully so. She was never outed by name so I didn't find out for a while. But when I did find out, I cut off all contact with her. As far as I know, she never issued any kind of apology to anyone involved. 

short+sassy

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with @short+sassy. Also, can I just say I hate the term Karen'd. Can you guess what my name is?

I'm with you because it's yet another degradation of women.  Why couldn't it be a historically white man's name?  Because of course it wasn't.  It's still a patriarchal world.  Plus most of these videos are women.  I know there are just as many men as women who act like AHs, in public.

I'm certainly not trying to justify poor behavior.  Just pointing out how unevenly it's been weighted against women, which hurts all women. 

charlotte989875

I’m guessing it was something racist and homophobic and if that’s the case she does have to live with the consequences. 

Now for the kids- can you set up play dates? Take the lead on contacting parents? Offering to set things up or arrange meetups? 

ei34

charlotte989875 said:

I’m guessing it was something racist and homophobic and if that’s the case she does have to live with the consequences. 

Now for the kids- can you set up play dates? Take the lead on contacting parents? Offering to set things up or arrange meetups? 

Agree that it must be something terrible (racist/homophobic) for there to be such repercussions.  
To the bolded- and I hate admitting this- but I probably wouldn't want my kids hanging out with the couple's kids, regardless of which parent I dealt with.  (Irony being I'd hate to be linked to stbxh, so I know it's close-minded and hypocritical of me to admit.)  There's a family in the neighborhood that are super-racist, Trump signs all over their lawn and car, a rant a couple weeks ago in our neighborhood FB group about Disney being pro-gay and everyone should cancel their Disney+ right now, etc.  They have two daughters close in age to my kids (one was in my son's class last year) but I've never reached out for a playdate.  When my kids are old enough to make plans with friends and get themselves there they can be friends with whoever they like, but while I'm still so involved in their social lives, I'm the gatekeeper 

CharmedPam

I always thought that phrase was directed to people who thought they were entitled to something.  LW’s wife sounds like she just had a bad day and went off on someone…is that the same thing? 

kerbohl

short+sassy said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with @short+sassy. Also, can I just say I hate the term Karen'd. Can you guess what my name is?

I'm with you because it's yet another degradation of women.  Why couldn't it be a historically white man's name?  Because of course it wasn't.  It's still a patriarchal world.  Plus most of these videos are women.  I know there are just as many men as women who act like AHs, in public.

I'm certainly not trying to justify poor behavior.  Just pointing out how unevenly it's been weighted against women, which hurts all women. 

I've heard debates about what to call a man who acts like this.  My vote is for Tucker.  Though Kevin would also work.  I agree, it has taken us backward in the feminist movement, because now women who have a right to be angry about something might be afraid to say anything in case they get labelled a Karen.  Hey, sometimes you need to speak to the manager.  You should be polite, but the manager is there when you have an issue.  

short+sassy

kerbohl said:

short+sassy said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with @short+sassy. Also, can I just say I hate the term Karen'd. Can you guess what my name is?

I'm with you because it's yet another degradation of women.  Why couldn't it be a historically white man's name?  Because of course it wasn't.  It's still a patriarchal world.  Plus most of these videos are women.  I know there are just as many men as women who act like AHs, in public.

I'm certainly not trying to justify poor behavior.  Just pointing out how unevenly it's been weighted against women, which hurts all women. 

I've heard debates about what to call a man who acts like this.  My vote is for Tucker.  Though Kevin would also work.  I agree, it has taken us backward in the feminist movement, because now women who have a right to be angry about something might be afraid to say anything in case they get labelled a Karen.  Hey, sometimes you need to speak to the manager.  You should be polite, but the manager is there when you have an issue.  

I've usually seen the name Chad.  That is, when a man's name is used.  But even when a person is a man, they are usually still referred to as "Karen".  Which just proves my point.

Plus it used to at least only refer to situations where someone was being inhumane to another person, especially in a racist/homophobic way.  But it does seem like now it's liberally used for any time someone is upset about something, which is a harmful message.

People SHOULD stand up for themselves when a company, including the representative/employee, or another person is doing the wrong thing.  It should be done respectfully and without name calling...I cannot emphasize that enough...but no one should feel they can't speak up when they are being taken advantage of, lest they be called a "Karen".