Is this rude?

Knottie1468889809

I know questions about rsvp etiquette are probably getting old, but I have one.  We really need to know who and how many people will attend our wedding to make sure we have enough chairs/food.  As most do. People around my home rarely rsvp.  They just assume you know they are coming.  And we arent assuming anyone is coming. Almost all of my fiance's family live out of town as well. I want to put an insert in with our invitations that says:

"We want everyone to have a place to sit and food to eat.  Please RSVP through our wedding website or by mailing in the enclosed postcard by October 1st."

For some reason some think this is rude, but I cant imagine why? We truly just want to make sure we have plenty of everything for everyone without going completely overboard.  Am I overthinking this and is this actually rude?

banana468

Yes that line is rude.  Here is what you need to do.

Ask guests to respond by that specific date which needs to be no earlier than a mo before the wedding (reason: it's rude to ask guests to commit further than 1 mo out in advance).

Then when your response date passes, you need to call the non responders.  Tell them that you need an answer.  Say you're looking forward to the wedding but you need an answer by x date or you'll have to consider them having declined the invitation.  There should be enough time between your response date and date vendors need their final counts that you can track down the replies needed. 

ILoveBeachMusic

I really don't think that line is rude especially if you are having a casual invitation/wedding. You could eliminate the part about a place to sit and food to drink and then you have what banana said. 

VerizonGirl

If it's your parents' names at the top of the wedding invitation, then your parents are extending the invitation for people to come.  If there are several people who do not respond, then your mom calls those people.

Jen4948

The line about "Please RSVP...by October 1" isn't rude, but I suppose the line about having enough for everyone could be perceived as lecturing your guests on etiquette which is rude.

It also implies that you won't have enough provisions for anyone you invite who doesn't RSVP. Etiquette doesn't let you "plan" for guests not to attend, though. If an invited non-RSVPing guest shows up, they are still entitled to expect full hospitality even though they should have RSVPd.

So I would just use the line "Please RSVP by October 1" and follow up with any non-RSVPing guests after that date.

ellabell1

I agree that the line is rude as it implies you don't trust your guests to give you the basic courtesy of a reply.  If you've made every effort to get an answer from  non-responders with no luck and time running out, I'd tell them that you need an answer by X date, otherwise you'll look forward to seeing them another time.