Honoring my deceased sister as a would be Bridesmaid.

knottiec0238240d3063d42

My sister died in a car accident 5 years ago. I've been with my fiance for about 9 years so he was close with my sister as well. Now that we're finally planning a wedding I feel so torn and confused as to what to do for my sister. The memorial table everyone does isn't enough. She deserves more. She would have been a bridesmaid for me. I said that for years when she was still here. I've thought about putting up a chair with her picture and a bouquet beside the other bridesmaids while we're all at the alter. My aunt said that's too morbid and I should focus on it being a happy day. 

But I won't be 100% happy because she's not here. And I want her involved as if she were. I talk about her every day. I try so hard to keep her relative in our daily lives so part of her lives on. I don't think it's morbid and it's my wedding so I kinda just wanna do it despite what a few people have said. But is it really that weird of an idea??? I know no matter what she will be in my heart... But I want everyone else to know she's there too. She deserves to be here with us.

Jen4948

My deepest condolences for your loss.

I agree with your aunt that remembering your sister with an empty chair with her photo and a bouquet is too morbid. So is a "memorial table." Remember, your wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion and not a memorial service for her. So you don't want any gestures of remembrance to evoke a sense of loss or grief.

That said, there are appropriate subtle ways in which you can remember your sister:

-Have food, beverages, decorations, music or other entertainment that your sister would have enjoyed

-Wear or carry something that belonged to or was associated with your sister

-If your ceremony is religious, say appropriate prayers

-Give your sister a tribute in a wedding program if you will have one

Best wishes!

ILoveBeachMusic

I am very sorry for your loss. However, I agree with Jen and your aunt that it is morbid. Jen gave you some great ideas to keep her with you that day while not having it a focus of the event. The focus should be you and your soon to be H starting your life together not a memorial to your sister.

Best wishes! 

maine7mob

You have suffered a terrible loss and are obviously still grieving. Grief is especially apparent when there are milestone events that the missing person won't be part of. But you need to think of your guests, who are there to watch you get married. It would be terribly awkward for them to have to watch your ceremony and see the decorated chair the whole time, or to go to the reception afterwards and see a memorial table. There is a time for rejoicing and a time for mourning, and they are coming to rejoice with you on your wedding day.