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Wedding Woes

How do I take action against my groomer?

Dear Prudence,

As a teenager, I was groomed (pardon my use of that lately so misused word) by a man in his 30s whom I acted alongside in a community theater production. Due to my being 16 and nebulous laws in the state I lived in at the time, there was never much grounds to take legal action, and I was scared of the social consequences of speaking out against a popular, charismatic figure in the community. My little bit of justice was bonding with his other (non-minor) mistresses and squealing to his live-in girlfriend, which didn’t quite live up to my John Tucker Must Die fantasies and, unsurprisingly, was cold comfort.

Now, 10 years later, I feel like I finally have a balanced perspective on the whole thing, and coming to terms with that chapter led me to Google this person and see what he has done with his life. I was alarmed to find that, among other things, he now specializes in working as a creative team member on high school plays. There is a legitimate reason he’s uniquely qualified for this job, and I can’t know if he has changed, but it does not sit well with me. I don’t know of any official channels through which I can make a report that would stop him from working directly with teenagers. But I feel partially responsible for any harm he causes or has caused to these kids that I am not able to prevent. What can I do here?

Re: How do I take action against my groomer?

  • Report this to the school? It wouldn’t be hard to find a staff directory with contacts online?

  • Well, you could reach out to the people in charge of the HS theater.  But I'd go through an attorney if I were you especially if you're not interested in making this something that gets YOU known as well.  
  • Can you email the school and let them know? It wouldn’t be anonymous but you could at least let them know you’re experience with him. 


  • I know laws vary, but someone in my grade reported about grooming when they were a teen to a therapist and legally the therapist had to report this teacher.
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