Why aren't *you* confronting him as an ally?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I am getting married next year and we already have our bridal party set for the event. My bridesmaids are incredibly diverse and include two people who identify as LGBTQ+. Recently, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen had a spiritual rebirth, following going into recovery from serious substance abuse. He is now incredibly devout, and is not shy about his feelings—including re-posting pictures and quotes on his Instagram Stories that are anti-choice, and “pro-traditional family.” Several of my friends have seen these Stories, including my Matron-of-Honor, who identifies as bisexual. She personally confronted him, and he blocked her without any response. She is now going around saying that he should be disinvited from all group events. I have personally never had any negative experiences with this person, he is a great friend to my fiancé, and I don’t believe he has acted outside of re-posting these Stories. However, I want everyone in my bridal party—and at my wedding at large—to feel safe and comfortable. What do you think we should do?

—Bridal Party Panic

charlotte989875

Stop following him on Instagram and encourage your bridal party to do the same. You don’t need to see these posts. 

But if/ when he says something in person be the one to call him out. Don’t put it on your friends to do that. 

STARMOON44

I think you should have a serious talk with your fiancé about your values and whether you two care about not being hateful. Cause it sounds like your fiancé is totes fine being good friends with a bigot and that should be concerning!

MissKittyDanger

It's clear the bridal party feels uncomfortable and tbh I think groomsmen will be that person who speaks about it to them.

LW or LW's fiance needs to talk to groomsmen and see wtf and make sure they know it's unacceptable to be rude.

banana468

Stop following someone you know posts controversial comments.  Is this an issue in person?  

It's worth the conversation with the FI and possibly with the guy if you're in his company to advise that he's certainly allowed to feel what he feels but you absolutely need him to respect his fellow humans. 

MyNameIsNot

I've never seen him do anything bigoted, except be bigoted. Yeah, ok, LW. He's telling you who he is. Why aren't you listening? 

VarunaTT

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,

I am getting married next year and we already have our bridal party set for the event. My bridesmaids are incredibly diverse and include two people who identify as LGBTQ+. Recently, one of my fiancé’s groomsmen had a spiritual rebirth, following going into recovery from serious substance abuse. He is now incredibly devout, and is not shy about his feelings—including re-posting pictures and quotes on his Instagram Stories that are anti-choice, and “pro-traditional family.” Several of my friends have seen these Stories, including my Matron-of-Honor, who identifies as bisexual. She personally confronted him, and he blocked her without any response. She is now going around saying that he should be disinvited from all group events. I have personally never had any negative experiences with this person, he is a great friend to my fiancé, and I don’t believe he has acted outside of re-posting these Stories. However, I want everyone in my bridal party—and at my wedding at large—to feel safe and comfortable. What do you think we should do?

—Bridal Party Panic

Hi, your privilege is showing.

Also, if he's posting this shit on his social media YOU IN FACT HAVE HAD THESE EXPERIENCES BUT SOMEHOW YOU DIDN'T MIND.

I don't know why you're having to ask and you're lucky your friends aren't dumping your ass.  If you really believe in the values you're saing, throw him out of everything immediately that you have control over and have a discussion with your FI immediately.