Wedding Woes

Classic: You're the problem now, not him.

I have been dating a man now for eight years who is a loving, awesome person in many ways. He adores me, and he treats me like a queen. The problem is that I don’t want any of it anymore. He struggles with alcoholism and anxiety, cannot hold down a job, and still lives like a college student just scraping by, despite being in his 40s. I decided four years ago that he’s not what I’m looking for, as a divorced mother of two, despite his many good qualities. But because of all these issues, mainly that he has no money, he still has not left my space.

Re: Classic: You're the problem now, not him.

  • Zero sympathy this is all on LW
  • So LW has been letting him live with her the last 4 years knowing she doesn't want to be with him? Jesus. Just kick him out already. 
  • Get a backbone LW.  He's staying because he can.
  • LW, his brain is fully developed at this point.  He’s not going to change. 

  • Jeez.  Wow.  Time to make the next move!
  • If you really can't do this, YOU move out.  Wait until the lease is up, don't sign, and go.  Problem solved.  But this is ridiculous.
  • You're a divorced mother of two. So for four years, this loser has been hanging around your house taking space and resources from your children. WTF do you think you're teaching them here? (I'm just assuming the kids are living with LW, but I wouldn't think they'd be mentioned if they weren't.)
  • The LW specifically uses the term "Her space" so I'm thinking she owns the place.  That's where it can get tricky in that she needs to file for eviction depending on her state/local laws or do the more subtle method pack his stuff up for him...  

  • Oh man. This is my BIL and MIL. She wants him to leave, as in she wants him to be an independent adult, but she has decided he is going to drink himself to death so he can stay with her until he does.
  • It's sounds like the LW hasn't even broken up with him or asked him to leave.

    That is Step Number One.  

    They can figure out their living arrangements after that, but it sounds like it is her place.  Whether that is a place she owns or a place she rents.  Plus, assuming the children live with her a good portion of the time, she is the one who needs the bigger space anyway. 

    There's a decent chance he would leave without any problem.  But, if there is, she can end their lease on XYZ date.  She just needs to make sure he leaves also.  Or, if it is her house, she can follow whatever the tenant/landlady laws are for her jurisdiction to regain possession.  Sometimes it's an easier process if the other person is a roommate/lodger, which  is what this guy would be classified as.  But she might be better off hiring an attorney to do it for her, especially since that makes it a bit less personal and more hands off. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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