Wedding Woes

Classic: Bean dip Betty or stop hanging out with her.

My friend “Betty” is single, and I’m about to get married, but we’ve both noticed a recent trend with our friend “Jane” that we can’t abide. Every time we see her, Jane expresses how excited she is for us to have children. We hear some version of “You have to have kids!” or “I can’t wait till you have babies!” Usually she is drunk when this happens, but she’s mentioned it sober too.

Re: Classic: Bean dip Betty or stop hanging out with her.

  • what happens to LW if she doesn’t have kids? Has she asked Jane? Whenever someone says I have to do something I like to know the consequences when I don’f. 

  • You need to decide which is more important:
    1) A friendship with Jane.
    2) Addressing this with Jane.

    If you're really good friends then I think you need to go w/ #2 and talk to Jane over coffee and not alcohol.  Let her know that you see a trend with how she's acting and her comments make you uncomfortable.   You appreciate the enthusiasm but you aren't pushing to reproduce anytime soon and the excitement makes you uncomfortable and pressured. 

    Consider opening up and asking Jane how she's feeling and if there's anything she wants to talk about.  But you also need to be clear that you aren't OK with that as a frequent topic of conversation.  Furthermore, Jane seems to be overindulging often it may be worth bringing it up as a "Hey I notice that you seem to have a few extra Long Island iced teas the other day and was concerned how you were acting when you ordered a 3rd before dinner was over."

    No, you don't need to be your friend's therapist but it seems like Jane is using the alcohol as a way to talk about an issue that hurts her.  It may be worth seeing if she wants to discuss it.  
  • @banana468, along with what you are saying, I'm wondering if Jane has been trying and run into fertility issues that she isn't comfortable talking about yet.  And this subconsciously manifests into her talking about wanting her friends to have babies, because "babies" are always on her mind.

    I find it a little odd that neither friend has said anything to Jane yet.  It's not confrontational or even that awkward to say something joking like, "Whoa, Jane!  Gimme a few years first!"

    I had already decided by the time I was about 23 that I probably didn't want children.  That's what I would tell people if the subject came up.  I'd sometimes get dumb comments/questions, but the only person who brought it up more than once was my BFF (at the time).  And even she only brought it up once in a great while.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Jane, it's weird that you keep bringing up my potential future kids. Please stop. 

    But I'm assuming LW has already started the gentler "woah there" kind of things. 
  • Jane sounds like some family we had before BK

    It got to a point where I had to point blank at stuff, and M actually retorted to MIL about this
    "Thanks for thinking of my sex life, but we're good"
  • I realize I named the wrong person in the title.  Whoops.  Going too fast, LOL. 

  • mrsconn23 said:
    I realize I named the wrong person in the title.  Whoops.  Going too fast, LOL. 

    Yeah, but alliteration is more fun ....

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