You should divorce Chelsea regardless of how Beth feels about you.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been with my wife, Chelsea, for 15 years, married for 12. She is a wonderful person and a great wife. However, I’ve fallen in love with someone else. I met Beth two years ago when our companies worked together on a project for 6 months and we hit it off. Not only did we work great together but we formed a fast friendship. We have a similar sense of humor and a lot of the same interests and passions. We also have a similar background as children of military parents and bonded over moving all the time and base life. Over time, I found myself developing feelings for her. At first, I thought it was just friendly feelings, but they kept getting stronger until I realized I was falling in love with her. I can’t remember ever feeling this way with my wife, not even when we were first dating.

Beth and I haven’t crossed any lines, not in word or deed (and only in my mind to my knowledge). We don’t have inappropriate conversations or text messages. There are no conversations or text messages between us that I would hide from my wife. I don’t know if Beth has feelings for me like I do for her but I can’t stop thinking about her and wanting to be with her. I decreased the time we spent together or talked for a while but it did nothing to lessen my feelings. Whenever I am somewhere with Chelsea, I think about how I wish Beth was there, or how much Beth would like something. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my Chelsea, but if I am able to develop strong feelings for someone else, doesn’t that mean that I am with the wrong person? Even if Beth doesn’t return my feelings, isn’t it wrong to stay with Chelsea, knowing I don’t love her like I am able to love someone else? What should I do?

—Conflicted in CT

charlotte989875

You should talk to Chelsea and tell her what is going on. What you’re feeling for someone else. If you’re not ready to do that you should talk with a counselor and work out your feelings; for Beth, for Chelsea, and for what you want to do. 

If you know you don’t want to be married to Chelsea anymore you need to tell her that. There is not scenario where she isn’t hurt by what you have to tell her, but only situations in which you make it worse by lying or letting it go on longer than it needs to. 

STARMOON44

Divorce Chelsea. She deserves better. 

climbingsingle

Yes it's absolutely wrong to stay with Chelsea when you do not love her. 

CharmedPam

This is far more than a crush but I think Chelsea has a say in where it’s going.  Their marriage could still be repairable with professional help.  I would absolutely let Chelsea know this so she can make her own decision.