Classic: what's it worth to blow up your life?

mrsconn23

Many years ago I had a brief, passion-filled affair with a co-worker. I had no kids (I now have one), and he had two (now has more). There was no fallout as our spouses (the same then as they are now) never found out. We were utterly enamored with each other, but never considered leaving our families due, in a large part, to our diametrically opposed political outlooks. I am incredibly liberal, he staunchly conservative. He has transitioned into politics as a career, become even more conservative, and is now running for a powerful position. If he is elected, he will be able to enact what I consider to be very negative changes to women’s rights and the environment. I have proof of the affair that would likely derail his campaign…

levioosa

What an ethical clusterfuck. 

VarunaTT

I'd tattle.

Here's why:  the personal reprecussions are going to be high, yes.  BUT, so many of these conservate, cis-het, and mostly white men, put themselves into positions of judgment and are unwilling to be judged.  It's the same issue as those who vote against abortions, but their mistresses/wives/women will always have access.  This behavior will not stop until the cost of being caught is higher than the cost of their wants/pleasures.

banana468

LW really needs to figure out if this is worth it.  I can see both sides but there's the very real possibility that by doing this it isn't just whether or not she weathers this with her spouse but her dirty laundry (and all of it)  is out in the public for those 15 minutes.  

charlotte989875

Yikes. What’s the cost to you here? Your family, your career, your relationship with your children? This isn’t a small thing and I’d like to think I’d sacrifice my security and comfort for the greater good but I don’t know- burning your whole life down is a tough choice. 

If you decide to put him you need to tell your family first. They can’t hear about it on MSNBC they need to hear it from you. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

Yikes. What’s the cost to you here? Your family, your career, your relationship with your children? This isn’t a small thing and I’d like to think I’d sacrifice my security and comfort for the greater good but I don’t know- burning your whole life down is a tough choice. 

If you decide to put him you need to tell your family first. They can’t hear about it on MSNBC they need to hear it from you. 

Yeah. And this is going to be your H and your kids and then parents etc.  But it's a LOT to consider because it's not just the relationship with your spouse that could be destroyed.

And I also see the other side to it.  It's a matter of what the cost is.   

short+sassy

I'd lean to a "no".  Much as I would love to see it.  She wouldn't just be blowing up her own life, she'd be blowing up the lives of innocent people.  Her husband and child.  His wife and kids.

And I'm not so sure it would derail his campaign as much as she thinks it would, anyway.  Just look at Mr. "I cheat with porn stars and sexually assault women" Trump to see my point.

Especially since it happened a long time ago, he'll say (with a emotional/wavering tele-evangelist voice), "I was weak and made a mistake when I was younger.  But then I prayed to our Lord Jesus to bring me back to his Father's Kingdom!  I am more devoted to my wife and family every day."

And the ultra-conservatives he is catering to will think, "Everyone deserves a second chance."  Especially when they're white men.  "He does want to burn women at the stake if they get an abortion, so he must be a great guy!  Because Pro-Life!"  But only until a person is born, of course.

banana468

short+sassy said:

I'd lean to a "no".  Much as I would love to see it.  She wouldn't just be blowing up her own life, she'd be blowing up the lives of innocent people.  Her husband and child.  His wife and kids.

And I'm not so sure it would derail his campaign as much as she thinks it would, anyway.  Just look at Mr. "I cheat with porn stars and sexually assault women" Trump to see my point.

Especially since it happened a long time ago, he'll say (with a emotional/wavering tele-evangelist voice), "I was weak and made a mistake when I was younger.  But then I prayed to our Lord Jesus to bring me back to his Father's Kingdom!  I am more devoted to my wife and family every day."

And the ultra-conservatives he is catering to will think, "Everyone deserves a second chance."  Especially when they're white men.  "He does want to burn women at the stake if they get an abortion, so he must be a great guy!  Because Pro-Life!"  But only until a person is born, of course.

Also exactly.  This was so long ago that he can't hire great spin to flip this into how he's totally reformed himself.

And in the meantime, the same spin that will put him as a reformed cheater who was weakened to the temptation will spin the accuser. 

STARMOON44

Since when does a conservative politician having an affair derail his campaign? Not lately it doesn’t. 

ei34

Yeah an affair isn't going to hurt his career path.  I'd say nothing if you weren't planning on it.  One thing that stood out to me when Cuomo resigned as governor is that he's part of a party that holds its elected officials to standards.  LW's former fling's party does not.

MyNameIsNot

Only if you can get a book deal. 

Seriously, I see the draw, but the fallout for these things are almost always worse for the women and their families than for the conservative white men. Once you open pandora's box, you lose all control here.