Fri-yay

ei34

We made it.  Stbxh is being ambiguous and vague about taking the kids tomorrow.  I sent him a final hardline please confirm yes or no text this morning but I'm over it.  I don't care about schlepping back and forth but the kids can't not know what's happening.

But- vent over - my mother had a bad cold, she kept testing negative for Covid- but she's finally beginning to feel better.  Work etc all well.  Wishing everyone a good weekend!

STARMOON44

Yesterday my bosses boss gave me and my boss a talking to about not speaking up on a call, and we were like “if we speak up, it will be to disagree, and that will spark big drama.”  She disagreed so today my boss sent an e-mail voicing his disagreement. And big drama has been sparked. 

And these are all good people, my boss will have my back, so I am just sitting watching this unfold. 

MissKittyDanger

Die with me

MyNameIsNot

That's so shitty, @ei34. It's frustratingAF, but trying to protect the kids from knowing what an ass he's being is the hardest part. 

I'm so excited to have a weekend with no real plans. It's been a while. I think I'm going to tackle painting the downstairs bathroom tonight. Other than that, a few house chores and watching sports. Maybe I'll do a little shopping, since I have pretty much no winter clothes that fit. 

missJeanLouise

@ei34 does he think about how this uncertainty will affect the kids? It's so rude.

Colds are making their way around here too. DS was in a mood all week and I was just waiting for symptoms to pop up. Which they finally did last night so he stayed home today. 

Nothing big planned for the weekend. I am making a couple bags for some friends but I still don't understand interfacing and had to order more so I have to wait for that to get here before I can do more.

Other than that, just selling and packing. I want to get the books boxed up and bookcases listed, maybe our living room chairs too.

MissKittyDanger

@ei34 urg he clearly doesn't get how it would affect the kids. That's frustrating.

@STARMOON44 "speak up .... no not like that" 

@MyNameIsNot what colour? I need to get back on painting our place. I have a lot of paint but I've been so busy  

Casadena

oh my gosh @MissKittyDanger what an adorable pic.  

@STARMOON44 that's so annoying

@ei34 I'm so sorry about what your kids are going through.  

ei34

MissKittyDanger said:

@ei34 urg he clearly doesn't get how it would affect the kids. That's frustrating.

@STARMOON44 "speak up .... no not like that" 

@MyNameIsNot what colour? I need to get back on painting our place. I have a lot of paint but I've been so busy  

To the bolded- his response to that is that I clearly didn't think about how filing for divorce would affect them *eyeroll* umm lets both be grownups and responsible co-parents
Yikes @STARMOON44 that's annoying      @missjeanlouise healing vibes being sent your son's way!

kerbohl

@MissKittyDanger What a cutie!

@ei34 That sucks, another weekend of drama and unnecessary stress for your kids.  That's awful.

@STARMOON44 Lol, gotta love that mentality.  Well, they got what they asked for.  Hopefully it all shakes down okay.

My cherry tree had spectacular leaves this fall, but they are slowly dropping, too fast for my rabbits to eat.  I miss my Mini ... she was a glutton and would eat so many leaves.  It would save some raking!  

I believe I am going out with my mom and cousin tomorrow, and then hubby wants to do something.  It's been a rough week, we talked to a mediator yesterday and have been trying to talk through what reconciliation looks like.  Last night he showed some signs of finally understanding some issues, but we'll see how that looks when we talk next.  Other than that, still the same, separated but living in the same house.

On the plus side, my one chicken started laying again.  Either I haven't been looking close enough the last two days or she laid three eggs in one day!  

Casadena

G is back at school today finally! No tears, just extra hugs before he walked into his classroom. N was happy and had adorable bedhead this morning that I didn't even fix because it was too cute.  

IL's want to take the boys to a restaurant tomorrow where you have to sit at a counter and the food comes out on a little train. I think it's going to be a clusterfuck.  N is going to be trying to climb on the counter and G is going to not want to sit on a stool that long.  Not looking forward to it but we're going bc they've been asking for months. 

Other than that hopefully have as chill a weekend as we can.  Maybe some errands, library, zoo if we get really ambitious.  

short+sassy

@ei34, I keep hoping for you all that he finally gets his head out of his ass and does what is best for your all's kids.  I'm glad your mom is feeling better.

@STARMOON44, sounds like you have a great immediate boss.  I hope there isn't too much fallout for him.

@MissKittyDanger, so cute!  BK has the sweetest smile.

@missJeanLouise, I hope the rest of your family doesn't get sick and DS feels better soon.  Good luck with the packing and selling.


My H and I have a long list of chores to get our house ready for sale.  One of those is repainting a portion of our house.  I haven't talked to my H yet about it, but I'd like to start tackling that this weekend.  The weather is great right now and perfect for painting.  But in another couple weeks there is the potential it will start getting too cold to paint and stay that way for a few months.  Same with re-staining our deck.  Another big task.

Our house is a side-by-side duplex.  When the house was built in 1911, each side was an equal length.  But sometime in the '60s, they added an addition to the side we live on.  We replaced the siding for the main house about 7ish years ago and then (of course) painted the siding.  Since we didn't replace the siding for the addition, it's still the old paint and a totally different color.  It's about a 200 sq. ft. addition, so technically not a huge amount to paint, but it will still be a PITA.

MissKittyDanger

ei34 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

@ei34 urg he clearly doesn't get how it would affect the kids. That's frustrating.

@STARMOON44 "speak up .... no not like that" 

@MyNameIsNot what colour? I need to get back on painting our place. I have a lot of paint but I've been so busy  

To the bolded- his response to that is that I clearly didn't think about how filing for divorce would affect them *eyeroll* umm lets both be grownups and responsible co-parents

WTF

Sure you can be upset but don't let it affect your kids.
Fuuuckkkk thissss duuuuddddeeee

FYI M's dad was quite often a flake and knowing this, it's interesting to see M as a dad - he actively makes sure BK knows he'll show up.
So the bonus is, ideally your kids learn from this. {and see that you're by far the superior parent )

ILoveBeachMusic

Geez I'm so sorry your STBXH is being an ass @ei34. Your kids will figure it out on their own who the stable and dependable parent is.

Good luck with all the packing and purging @missJeanLouise.

Weather is good here today but will go down hill tomorrow. We have indoor projects planned for tomorrow. Today I'm cleaning. We took the puppy to the vet for next round of shots this morning. He's up to 4.3 pounds - such a bruiser lol! He is doing well with training. He rang the bells for the first time today to tell he had to go out. He had been going to the door and just sitting, which is fine but we can't hear him sit!

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

MissKittyDanger

BK is at my mum's place today/tonight. M is excited because he's been craving Pho and if it weren't for BK's sesame allergy, we could obv indulge.

I had a weird dream but it was really nice?
Idk much because I dream in 3rd person {like as if you're watching a t.v show?} and it kinda started in the middle.

M & I were in a vehicle - not limo but felt fancy? - going somewhere that involved celebrating because we had champagne in the car & M was saying he wanted to be sure he got the "first toast" 

We go in the building and apparently I wrote a best selling novel and I was doing a book signing.
I guess it was like a fancy bookstore because it didn't really look like a book store but it clearly was lol

Anyways it was like teen novel. Which I remember the title because it's one of the vague stories I've always been "pick up and put down" kind of writing. {I have a few}

It made me feel motivated to write more tbh.

CharmedPam

@ei34.  You never thought what it would do to the kids when you filed? Is he serious? Does he think you’re the first couple to divorce with kids involved? Make it work, dude.  Lots of families do!
i die. @MissKittyDanger, I die!
@STARMOON44, you like butter with your popcorn?
@kerbohl I’m so sorry you have to love with this uncertainty. 

WFH today.  I wanted to blow the leaves to the curb, but it’s too windy so it keeps blowing back to me.  I got them off my driveway at least.
and I got my 10 year plaque and link to pick out my reward gift. I’m so stuck! I always said I’d go for the luggage, but they do have nice handbags, jewelry, a vitamix (I want one - but lets be real here, I won’t use it!), a weber grill (my current one sucks, but I’m not sure if I’d use one of I even had a good one because grilling for one is pointless imo), and then there’s an awesome firepit table that I want for myself (but never entertain so would I ise it?) but I’ll most likely get that for my parents since their 50th wedding anniversary is in August and then I don’t have to worry about that come August.

MyNameIsNot

MissKittyDanger said:

@MyNameIsNot what colour? I need to get back on painting our place. I have a lot of paint but I've been so busy  

I'm doing a light greige. I wanted to go with a pale grey, but my house is datedAF and all the trim is off-white. I'm hoping that greige means it will work with that but still work when I get around to painting all the trim white. If it wasn't heinous orange, I would just leave it until I get to the trim, but it's the color of enchilada sauce. (Obviously, I had mexican for lunch.)

short+sassy

@CharmedPam, What?  You don't want a silver-plated business card case with your company's logo?  LMAO.

Totally jealous over here.  So many nice choices!  Just nothing that stands out as "the one".  I can understand that.

levioosa

@ei34 ugh exh and his shenanigans are ridiculous. I’m so sorry. You and the kids deserve so much better. 

Yesterday was rough at work. My coworker called off so I got there and was by myself the whole day. I had some snowflake patients that yelled, a few who were really nice but I felt bad because they needed more care and I’m but one person in an UC, and then the busiest “wtf are you doing here you should be in the ER” that I’ve had in awhile. I felt like Oprah with the ER recommendations for a second. And of course everyone is coming in with their sore throat of 2 days. Everyone forgot what colds feel like and they treat me like a conspirator with big pharma when I tell them they just have to tough it out with symptomatic care at home the next few days. 

I’m still sick but better. I’m so behind on charts and I’m not hopeful for today. I’m not sure what to do this weekend in terms of visiting my dad because I skipped last weekend and I feel really guilty about skipping two weeks in a row. 

kerbohl

CharmedPam said:

@ei34.  You never thought what it would do to the kids when you filed? Is he serious? Does he think you’re the first couple to divorce with kids involved? Make it work, dude.  Lots of families do!
i die. @MissKittyDanger, I die!
@STARMOON44, you like butter with your popcorn?
@kerbohl I’m so sorry you have to love with this uncertainty. 

WFH today.  I wanted to blow the leaves to the curb, but it’s too windy so it keeps blowing back to me.  I got them off my driveway at least.
and I got my 10 year plaque and link to pick out my reward gift. I’m so stuck! I always said I’d go for the luggage, but they do have nice handbags, jewelry, a vitamix (I want one - but lets be real here, I won’t use it!), a weber grill (my current one sucks, but I’m not sure if I’d use one of I even had a good one because grilling for one is pointless imo), and then there’s an awesome firepit table that I want for myself (but never entertain so would I ise it?) but I’ll most likely get that for my parents since their 50th wedding anniversary is in August and then I don’t have to worry about that come August.

My parents' 50th is next year too!  They got married last day in June, the day before my mom's birthday.  We might go on a trip with them, with most of the siblings.  

You have so many nice choices for a gift.  It turns out this year is my 5 year anniversary and I got invited to a dinner.  I'm curious as to what it will all entail ....

CharmedPam

short+sassy said:

@CharmedPam, What?  You don't want a silver-plated business card case with your company's logo?  LMAO.

Totally jealous over here.  So many nice choices!  Just nothing that stands out as "the one".  I can understand that.

Lol there was an option for a company logo pin or ring… but if you choose the luggage or bags - they put the pin/logo on there.  The gift selections really are nice! 

My parents want a party w/all their friends, but I’m not sure if we would do it in Canada or the States.  They have 1/2 there and 1/2 here.  

Sorry work is such a PITA @levioosa
orange (burnt orange actually) is one of my favorite colors and if it didn’t close in my already small house I’d love that as an accent wall!

VarunaTT

We all know that my entire apartment is orange with blue accents, so I'd probably love the enchilada sauce color.  I was looking around last night and was thinking, maybe I have too much color?  Then I just through, man, teh floors are dark brown, the walls are light brown, most of the furniture is some sort of wood brown...IDC.  I like all of my color, it makes me happy and feel good, and I'm the only one to make happy and feel good for the first time every, so screw it.

I've got to get my money management under control.  I'm terrible with it, I always have been, but I'd really like to not be.  I have to stop at Michael's to exchange for a couple of new frames that arrived shattered, but otherwise, I'm home until I take my mom's car out to get the oil changed.  She wants to go b/c "she needs to learn what to do".  I just said okay, and bring a book.  I'm waiting until after the first of the year, but all she wants to talk about right now is when she dies, what I'm supposed to do with the house, the money, the will, etc.  I'm very tired of it, but also trying to be graceful with understanding that she just lost my father and it's very prominent in her mind.  But after the first of the year, we'll be finished with holidays and birthdays and if she's still doing it, I'll have to gently bring it up.  It's making our visits together uncomfortable for me.

CharmedPam

VarunaTT said:

We all know that my entire apartment is orange with blue accents, so I'd probably love the enchilada sauce color.  I was looking around last night and was thinking, maybe I have too much color?  Then I just through, man, teh floors are dark brown, the walls are light brown, most of the furniture is some sort of wood brown...IDC.  I like all of my color, it makes me happy and feel good, and I'm the only one to make happy and feel good for the first time every, so screw it.
I've got to get my money management under control.  I'm terrible with it, I always have been, but I'd really like to not be. 

Me too, V, me too! If you find out how to do this, let me know.  In early 2023 my monthly payments for a plumbing job will be done, along with some other monthly payments and I made the decision that I’m going to stop having extensions.  31st will be fhe last application.  I’m just going to have to deal with my thin hair.
Any advise to someone from going to “I want that. Charge now worry later!” to actually putting aside money from my paychecks? I’m genuinely in awe of people who don’t spend money on stupid shit like I do.

I love your apartment btw!

ILoveBeachMusic

VarunaTT said:

We all know that my entire apartment is orange with blue accents, so I'd probably love the enchilada sauce color.  I was looking around last night and was thinking, maybe I have too much color?  Then I just through, man, teh floors are dark brown, the walls are light brown, most of the furniture is some sort of wood brown...IDC.  I like all of my color, it makes me happy and feel good, and I'm the only one to make happy and feel good for the first time every, so screw it.

I've got to get my money management under control.  I'm terrible with it, I always have been, but I'd really like to not be.  I have to stop at Michael's to exchange for a couple of new frames that arrived shattered, but otherwise, I'm home until I take my mom's car out to get the oil changed.  She wants to go b/c "she needs to learn what to do".  I just said okay, and bring a book.  I'm waiting until after the first of the year, but all she wants to talk about right now is when she dies, what I'm supposed to do with the house, the money, the will, etc.  I'm very tired of it, but also trying to be graceful with understanding that she just lost my father and it's very prominent in her mind.  But after the first of the year, we'll be finished with holidays and birthdays and if she's still doing it, I'll have to gently bring it up.  It's making our visits together uncomfortable for me.

Your abode should make you happy and if that means color then so be it! You deserve to be surrounded with what makes you smile and be comfortable. Screw decorators!

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

VarunaTT said:

We all know that my entire apartment is orange with blue accents, so I'd probably love the enchilada sauce color.  I was looking around last night and was thinking, maybe I have too much color?  Then I just through, man, teh floors are dark brown, the walls are light brown, most of the furniture is some sort of wood brown...IDC.  I like all of my color, it makes me happy and feel good, and I'm the only one to make happy and feel good for the first time every, so screw it.
I've got to get my money management under control.  I'm terrible with it, I always have been, but I'd really like to not be. 

Me too, V, me too! If you find out how to do this, let me know.  In early 2023 my monthly payments for a plumbing job will be done, along with some other monthly payments and I made the decision that I’m going to stop having extensions.  31st will be fhe last application.  I’m just going to have to deal with my thin hair.
Any advise to someone from going to “I want that. Charge now worry later!” to actually putting aside money from my paychecks? I’m genuinely in awe of people who don’t spend money on stupid shit like I do.

I love your apartment btw!

There is a strong psychological component to how people manage their money.  So don't beat yourselves up too much.  People who are savers, tend to be savers even if they don't make much money.  On the opposite side, people who live paycheck-to-paycheck, tend to live that way no matter how much money they make.  With most people falling somewhere in between and shifting back to their usual, even when their financial circumstances change.

The patterns can be changed!  I did it.  But it takes deliberate thought and planning.  Like any habit, once people get used to it, that becomes their new habit and it becomes easier and more second nature.

First and most important:  write down your current budget.  Most people set the timeframe to be one month.  Include all income sources.  Then your "hard" expenses, ie expenses that are needs.  Like rent/mortgage, average monthly utility bills, minimum credit card payments, car insurance, gas, groceries, etc.  Then what you usually spend in "wants", ie eating out, entertainment, clothes.  The more accurate your numbers are, the better the next steps will be.  Pull up bank and credit card statements if that helps the accuracy.  If something is an annual expense, divide it by 12 for the monthly amount.

Subtract your "need" expenses from your net income.  Hopefully the result is a positive number!  That's the money you have to play with for "wants" and savings.

Look at your needs expenses.  Is there any way to cut those expense that is worth the sacrifice (if any)?

What are your financial goals?  What do you want to achieve with your want/savings bucket?  Look at your current "wants" monthly expenses.  Are you willing to get rid of or cut back on any of those items, in order to achieve the main financial goals?

Now write a new budget with your new numbers.  This should also include categories that are things you're saving up for.  Like travel (looking at you, Pam!).  Make conscious choices to stick to it as best you can.

Here's a made-up example. My goal is to go on a two-week trip to Asia.  It will cost about $4K.  I shop my car insurance around.  Found another company I'm happy with, $50 less/month.  I'm spending $600/month on groceries, but I'm not careful about what I buy.  Search online for budget recipes that are still yummy and nutritious.  Cut $200/month on groceries.  Dang!  Looking at my 'cc statements, I'm spending $300/month eating out.  I love to eat out, so I don't want to completely cut that out of my budget.  But I can easily cut it in half.  $150/month savings.

I just carved out $400/month extra in my budget.  If I stick to what I've allocated for my various spending categories and put that extra money into savings, I can take that trip in 10 months.

--------------------------------------  

Some other tips I've used or have seen other people use.

• Track every penny you spend for a few months.  Really, every penny.  It can be eye opening when you realize exactly where your money is going every month.
• I personally did a "hybrid" of this.  NGL, I know it would have driven me nuts and de-motivated me to literally keep track of every penny.  What I did instead was track and categorize purchases that were $20 or more.  But I did pay attention to things I regularly purchased that were less than $20.  Like I'd include in "eating out" an average of $15/week on fast food lunches.  I also set up a "slush" fund category to account for random little things I occasionally spent money on.
• Instead of equating a "want" to money, equate it to TIME.  Like, "This shirt is so cute!  But is it worth working 4 hours of my job cute?"
• I personally use an Excel spreadsheet to track almost everything related to my finances, including my budget.  Credit card balances and each of their due dates.  Same with my real estate loans.  The rental due date for each tenant and the dates I receive my paychecks and gig money.  But there are a lot of apps out there that help people also.  I've heard good things about Mint. 

At least for me, it was never meant to be a "bare bones" budget.  But rather making conscious choices to enjoy my life in the "now", while also planning for the things I really wanted in the future.  I was more strict with myself when I was saving up for the down payment on my first home.  When I was laid off for a year, already knowing what my "bare bones" budget looked like helped me tread water until I found another job.

short+sassy

I forgot Dave Ramsey's "snowball" method" for paying off debt.  Usually credit card debt.

FWIW, I am NOT a Dave Ramsey devotee.  But his snowball method is fantastic and very helpful.

The idea is to take extra monthly income and choose one 'cc to pay down first.  The best choice is either the highest interest debt or possibly the debt with the lowest balance (to get the snowball rolling).  For example, there are two 'cc's.  First 'cc with a $500 balance has a minimum monthly payment of $50.  You can carve out an extra $100/month to pay it down, plus the monthly payment.  The balance is paid off in a few months.  No more minimum $50/monthly payment and that debt is gone!

Now you have an extra $150/month to work on the second 'cc.  The second 'cc has a minimum monthly payment of $100/month.  So now you're paying it off at $250/month. 

Edited to add:  This same idea can also be used for savings.  As more money is freed up in the budget, more money can be put toward financial goals.

kerbohl

CharmedPam said:

VarunaTT said:

We all know that my entire apartment is orange with blue accents, so I'd probably love the enchilada sauce color.  I was looking around last night and was thinking, maybe I have too much color?  Then I just through, man, teh floors are dark brown, the walls are light brown, most of the furniture is some sort of wood brown...IDC.  I like all of my color, it makes me happy and feel good, and I'm the only one to make happy and feel good for the first time every, so screw it.
I've got to get my money management under control.  I'm terrible with it, I always have been, but I'd really like to not be. 

Me too, V, me too! If you find out how to do this, let me know.  In early 2023 my monthly payments for a plumbing job will be done, along with some other monthly payments and I made the decision that I’m going to stop having extensions.  31st will be fhe last application.  I’m just going to have to deal with my thin hair.
Any advise to someone from going to “I want that. Charge now worry later!” to actually putting aside money from my paychecks? I’m genuinely in awe of people who don’t spend money on stupid shit like I do.

I love your apartment btw!

Yeah, but don't go the way I do.  I didn't grow up well off, and now I'm married to someone with a good job and we have extra money.  He grew up in a household that tended to see things they wanted and bought them.  I see things I NEED and don't buy them.  There needs to be a balance between not spending too much but also recognizing when  you have to spend.  Invest in yourself, that kind of thing.  And that sometimes means buying the pretty lipstick because it will help your self esteem etc ....

I'm with @short+sassy on the budgeting tips.  I do have a very detailed excel sheet like I fill out on a regular basis with everything we buy.  It has formulas that automatically calculate percentage as well, because the whole percentage of what you SHOULD spend on categories is a good indicator to me.  So you shouldn't spend more than 35% of take home income on housing, 25% on life, 10% on savings/debt repayment, 15% transportation (I think), and there's other ones in there that I'm forgetting.  It helps me.  

MyNameIsNot

VarunaTT said:

We all know that my entire apartment is orange with blue accents, so I'd probably love the enchilada sauce color.  I was looking around last night and was thinking, maybe I have too much color?  Then I just through, man, teh floors are dark brown, the walls are light brown, most of the furniture is some sort of wood brown...IDC.  I like all of my color, it makes me happy and feel good, and I'm the only one to make happy and feel good for the first time every, so screw it.

I've got to get my money management under control.  I'm terrible with it, I always have been, but I'd really like to not be.  I have to stop at Michael's to exchange for a couple of new frames that arrived shattered, but otherwise, I'm home until I take my mom's car out to get the oil changed.  She wants to go b/c "she needs to learn what to do".  I just said okay, and bring a book.  I'm waiting until after the first of the year, but all she wants to talk about right now is when she dies, what I'm supposed to do with the house, the money, the will, etc.  I'm very tired of it, but also trying to be graceful with understanding that she just lost my father and it's very prominent in her mind.  But after the first of the year, we'll be finished with holidays and birthdays and if she's still doing it, I'll have to gently bring it up.  It's making our visits together uncomfortable for me.

If I remember correctly, you also have beautiful windows and a lot of natural lighting? Part of my issue with the color is that it's in a small, windowless bathroom with dark cabinets and counters. I do like color, but rooms that are too dark make me feel closed in. But I think I over-corrected and now it's too light. FWP.

CharmedPam

So this is bad spending?
having major eyelid issues and I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to wear eyeshadow again - but bought this yesterday because it’s in a Salem WItchhouse pallet and I’m obsessed with that place and all things Salem…

kerbohl

CharmedPam said:

So this is bad spending?
having major eyelid issues and I’m not even sure I’ll ever be able to wear eyeshadow again - but bought this yesterday because it’s in a Salem WItchhouse pallet and I’m obsessed with that place and all things Salem…

Whoops, almost clicked "report" on this instead of "quote" .... hope that didn't do anything.

I say if the colours are something you would wear and it sparks joy, not a bad purchase!  I don't think this palette would work for me, cool as it is - I'm not good with the reds and orange. I may be Dutch and love orange, but orange eyeshadow does not look good on my eyes.

VarunaTT

For me, a lot of this is coming down to being a single person running everything.  This is one thing I'd really like to hand all of my stuff to someone and be like...gimme an allowance and please take care of the rest.  I have enough to do with eating, working, paying other bills, etc.

Also, BOOM!  1 interview scheduled, taking 2 personality tests for first steps on 2 other jobs, and a message just left by the 2nd local competitor.  Pleaaaase, let this work out quickly.  I'd like to be gone ASAP.

CharmedPam

Wooohooo @VarunaTT

oh, I love the colors! But I could possibly never be able to wear it anymore.  I can’t get a doctor to get down to what happened.